Saturday, March 5, 2011

60s Footage of the Playboy Jet

Everything in this clip is phallic just by association. You almost can't help but notice.

The music creeps me out too. Trippy.

Plush Girlfriends

I've seen Real dolls before and those are pretty frightening. What I didn't know was that there is also a market for high end plush dolls that run around $700. They market it as being a teddy bear for grown ass men, but I don't know anyone that boinks their teddy bear, so take that with a grain of salt.

Website here, and a slightly NSFW picture after the jump:

Caption The Housewife, Prune Mouth Edition

Yes, that's Crazy Eyes and Crackie. When their lips met, a magnitude 6.8 earthquake hit Cali. Scientists were baffled when they discovered that only Cota de Caza and the Pinot Grigio supplies had been affected.

Your turn!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Who Should Replace Galliano?

Jezebel has an article with some interesting ideas:!5775767/who-will-replace-galliano-at-dior, but for me there is only one perfect answer:
Chris March! Oh, how I've missed him.  

For The Sophisticated, Yet Pithily Obscene World Traveler

Dontchuh say you ain't never alearned nuthin' on thissun here blog, now. Mkay?

THIS, On the Other Hand, IS Funny

Maybe they should hire this kid to host SNL.

Miley Cyrus's SNL Promo

If this clip is any indication, this may be the worst SNL yet.

Caption The Housewife, Zombie Bethenny Edition

If you watched the show Monday night, you know that Lady B is back to being her good old abrasive self. We get it, you are a big city girl and you think that everyone that lives in a small town is inbred and probably shtupping barnyard animals. Podunk towns are cheap, uncultured and worthy of your contempt to be sure, but do you have to say it OUT LOUD? This girl has no filter and the ratings are down significantly. Last year's premiere snagged 2.2 million viewers. This year- 1.5. I guess it's hard to get people to watch you bitch and moan all day when you're not riding the crest of a wave of sympathy courtesy of Jill Zarin's evil personality.

Plus, she's a producer on her own show. I would think that it would be wiser to put the reins in someone else's hands, if only to give the illusion of objectivity. This just smacks of too much control over what we, the viewer are allowed to see and what scenarios are conjured up. 

In light of what we saw this week, I think she should have made herself an editor instead.


This is what posts look like after you spend an entire morning on Cute Overload's adorable website. Besides, who can resist a pug wearing pug slippers, Satan maybe?

TGIF With Jimmy Pusserelli

I can't believe I forgot to post this.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The very Definition of Redundant

From Reddit.

Caption The Housewife, Two Hags Half In The Bag Edition

I really hate Nene's nose job. It looks like she's pinching it or the nostrils are collapsed from breathing in really hard. WEIRD.

Celebrity Rehab Is Full Of Trainwrecks AGAIN

A little birdie from California told me that the Salahi White House party crashers will be on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. What do you suppose their addiction will be, Forcing awkward situations on others? Matricidal mania? Supernatural aggrandized Mendacity? The possibilities are endless!

To make matters worse, Michael Lohan has signed on as well, another liar. This guy hides behind the bible he stole from Motel 6 and thinks morality is a ghost from planet Shapeshifter. The good news is that former MLB pitcher Doc Gooden is on as well, and if we're really, really lucky, he'll kick the shit out of Blohan Senior.

Pic from TMZ

According to TMZ, the other 'celebrities' are Bai Ling, Queen of the nip slip, and Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from Baywatch, both of whom are supposed to be clean, or at least they claimed to be until they found out they could get paid to not be. I hate Dr. Drew. People don't get clean if you pay them to do so. You are just encouraging their feelings of entitlement! The entire premise is corrupt but I'll watch just to see him diagnose Missy with fake MS. THAT, I wanna see.

Update: Only Missy will be doing the show. Tarpface ain't quitting the grape any time soon. As a matter of fact, he's stomping Whole Foods finest as we speak!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Stupid Dusqus

I changed some settings so that the oldest comments would appear at the top and make the thread easier to understand and now Disqus is acting wonky. As you can see, the comment button at the bottom is missing. You can still comment, just click on the header of the post you'd like to discuss.

Thanks! I should have this fixed tomorrow.

Update: And just like that, there it is. STUPID DISQUS. It must have an armful of Charlie Sheen today.

Update 2: Disqus is still having problems, especially for those of you with iPads. When the new iPad launched, the subsequent demand crashed the Disqus servers, and at the very least glitches popped up if you are using it as your commenting template. I see that a lot of you are clicking over to a post with commenting rules and I want you to know that no one is being blocked. There's simply a glitch in the system and it will shake out soon.


Doggie Moms

This is a new reality show starring lunatics who anthropomorphise and infantalise their dogs. Just watch. These women have problems with a capital P.

It's on a network called NYC-something or other which I don't think I have, and that's good because I am hating TV so much right now. Other than No Reservations, soccer & hockey and Raising Hope, I am sticking with Netflix.

Real Housewives of Miami Hatecap: Somnambulists In The Mist

Some of you have heard of the blogger boycott of this stupid show, and while I refuse to do an actual recap, at least I can try to break down what you aren't missing.

Caption The Housewife, GlamourBot Edition

Whoa, she's barely recognizable before the nose job and lip filliers!

As an added bonus, here's her Halloween costume. Pretty appropriate.

Galliano and Fascism

John Galliano got fired from his head designing position at Dior for making racist comments in a Parisian bistro. Shocking.

Quite frankly, fashion is fascist, so why are we surprised? It's an industry that goes unchecked and unmonitored by anyone, save the garment worker's union and even that can be a slippery slope. Kathy Lee sweat shops, anyone? 
It treats it's most creative minds, and make no mistake, John Galliano is at the very top in terms of talent, like dictators that are above the fray in terms of conduct and opinion. It values one's looks above all else and encourages eating disorders and a perpetual state of adolescence. Honestly, though I could give a rat's ass what the guy thinks, this is just an example of the thinking that permeates that world.

Here's the video in case you haven't seen it:

Some people are saying that he should be able to say whatever he wants on his own time. I don't buy it. It simply does not hold water in an industry that uses branding as a way of life. You must have the suit, the scarf, the earrings, the purse. 'The look' for lack of a better word, and that look is almost always one of wealth and priveledge, above the common hoard. You need look no further than Coco Chanel herself who was a Nazi sympathizer and used her Aryan roots to gain sole control of her empire since pre-war it was partially owned by Jews.

Models represent the brand. Some are 'Ambassadors of Wool,' even. Designers turn their entire lives into one giant product placement. Look at Ralph Lauren, for goodness sakes. He practically reinvented the WASP! 

I guess the question now becomes, will he go to rehab, the image cure-all of our times? One thing is for certain, the racist memes are already up.

Here's some of his menswear. Hitler or Chaplin? You decide.


Charlie Sheen is everywhere right now. He's done every talk show known to man, just joined Twitter to further get his grandiose message out there, and TMZ has liver lipid updates practically every half hour. I'm no expert, but this man seems to be in the throes of the spectacular heights of mania. It seems like a cycle- mania, whores, depression (one can only imagine), booze and coke. And now with the threats. Healthy men don't get their children taken away, folks. Not when the judge hands them over to your spouse in rehab and her parents. I feel really bad for those kids. They'll be in therapy by kindergarten. 

But, since we all love a trainwreck, here's the latest mash-up, courtesy of FilmDrunk. It is rife with lines destined to be classic, so snort your rail of Charlie Sheen. There's a new sheriff in town!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Caption The Housewife, She-Ra Edition

Another Great Kimmel Sketch

Dancing With the Tards Season 1,682

I don't watch this shit, not without a decent septuagenarian like Cloris, but here's the line-up for the next installment. It starts March 21st.
I may just watch for Wendy, to be honest. From E!:

• Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett, 25, reality TV star
• Hines Ward, 34, Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver and two-time Super Bowl winner
• Ralph Macchio, 49, the original Karate Kid
• Sugar Ray Leonard, 54, former world champion fighter and member of the International Boxing Hall of Fame
• Chris Jericho, 40, WWF/WWE champion and host of the ABC game show Downfall
• Kirstie Alley, 60, Emmy winner and sometimes-Fat Actress
• Romeo, 21, rapper (dad Master P memorably noncompeted in season two)
• Chelsea Kane, 22, star of animated Disney Channel series Fish Hooks (along with DWTS alum Kyle Massey), costarred on Jonas L.A.
• Wendy Williams, 46, talk-show host
• Petra Nemcova, 31, supermodel
• "Psycho" Mike Catherwood, 31, Love Line cohost, L.A. radio personality from KROQ-FM

What, no Tree? She's probably stomping around her house, yanking her hair out and flipping pool tables, and good for you, Hines Ward. Way to jump the shark!

R.I.P. Jane Russel

They don't make them like they used to. Such glamour!

What can you say about Jane? She started her career in the movie The Outlaw and those bawdy half naked movie stills made her an international sex symbol. We all know her from Gentleman Prefer Blondes and those famous pictures of a sundress wearing Jane and Marilyn putting their handprints in cement outside Grauman's Chinese Theater. 
What you may not know is that she couldn't have children because of a back street abortion so she adopted three of them, one from a poor Irish woman. This inspired her to create World Adoption International Fund, paving the way for Brangelina and a whole host of foreign baby lovers. This is how she described heself in her later life- "These days I am a teetotal, mean spirited right wing, narrow minded conservative Christian bigot, but not a racist."
Okee dokee then!

Monday, February 28, 2011

For My Toddlers & Tiaras Bitches!

This Kimmel skit is so much better than that shitty fake commercial with Lohan. That shit SUCKED. It was lazy, the entire premise of humping as exercise was tired and I don't understand how you can have that many famous women in one sketch and not have even one funny close-up. So disappointing, but Tom Hanks. What can I say?


What's on YOUR merkin?

The Inevitable Parody

Caption The Housewife, Blair Witch Stick Edition

Looking more beautiful than ever, Stretch Armstrong showed up at an American Idol shindig last week. If she  eats that fur in slow motion, I am going to kill a scarecrow.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Awards Mean Nothing

Unless you can make it a game! Instead of asking you who you think will win Best Picture, Short Film, Ugliest Outfit, how about we guess what the upset will be? There's always an upset. I'm thinking the Best Picture goes to The Social Network instead of The King's Speech. What do you think?

And here's some awful red carpet fashion, courtesy of Jessica Biel.

You can use the dress to wipe the crumbs out of the corners of your mouth at the Vanity Fair after-party! Smart one, that Jessica. Who knew?