Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
1 Import Export (Ulrich Seidl) The most sorrowful movie of the year is also the best. The miserable lives of Ukrainian immigrants in Vienna make this agonizing but brilliantly directed opus the cinematic equivalent of slitting your wrists. A new genre? Depression porn? Hey, I got off.
2 Antichrist (Lars von Trier) If Ingmar Bergman had committed suicide, gone to hell, and come back to earth to direct an exploitation/art film for drive-ins, this is the movie he would have made
3 In the Loop (Armando Iannucci) A smart, mean, foulmouthed British satire about the struggle for global power that asks the all-important question: How do you debate the invasion of Iraq if your gums start to bleed in the middle of your presentation?
4 World’s Greatest Dad (Bobcat Goldthwait) Why, oh why, wasn’t this blackest of comedies a hit? Appallingly rude, decidedly family unfriendly, this autoerotic-suicide tale of a hateful son and his clueless father left the viewer gasping in surprise.
5 Brüno (Larry Charles) Don’t listen to the critics—it’s better than Borat. Imagine a hetero teen couple in a mall on a first date somewhere in Middle America watching Sacha Baron Cohen pantomime every known gay male sex act, ending in a joyous “facial.” Sometimes audiences get what they deserve.
6 Lorna’s Silence (Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne) How do these great art films get financed? European socialism, that’s how, and I’m glad the taxpayers abroad put up the dough for this Tracking Shots“R”Us masterpiece. Only the Dardenne brothers could get away with not showing the dramatic action that climaxes the whole movie. Just think if they had to test-screen this film in America!
7 Broken Embraces (Pedro Almodóvar) There was some grumbling from Cannes that this wasn’t one of Pedro’s best, but boy were those rumors wrong. It’s a beaut! A relentlessly intelligent melodrama filled with so many dizzying plot points that you’ll experience vertigo.
8 The Baader Meinhof Complex (Uli Edel) Now here were some kids who knew how to cause trouble! Hmmm...What should we do today? Stop the Olympics or blow up a commercial airplane? These radicals made the Weathermen look like pussies.
9 Whatever Works (Woody Allen) Gerontophilia never seemed so appealing. This time, Woody goes a little gay and lives to tell about it with lovely, comic success. I am so mad I don’t have this director’s career.
10 The Headless Woman (Lucrecia Martel) Bleached hair, hit-and-run accidents, in-laws with hepatitis? Huh? I didn’t get it, but I sure did love it!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Did I mention that it's cute video posting day?
Also, he's an unemployed chemical engineer, so hire him. Maybe he'll let you shoot fireworks at his kids and film it.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Leave it to the WOW report to dig up this gem. I love the midget. Everything is better with little people and Tony Cox's side eye is unmatched in any realm of popular culture.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
And how do you not love this?
What a bunch of cunts (love).
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
David Foley isn't in it either. Not a good sign.
So, here's the drunk daddy sketch instead.
And when I'm old, I am going to get one of those giant purses and shuffle all around the Heights randomly hitting inanimate objects with it. I've been dying to be a crazy old lady since I was about 12. I think it was even one of my Halloween costumes. I watched too much Mama's Family, I guess.
Monday, December 7, 2009
In my own defense, I'm in an interpretive dance group and I was practising my moves. Don't judge! It's for the big holiday extravaganza!
Courtney Love's got competition.
Oh, and here's a nice little tidbit- when he was fucking his side bitches in an Ambien haze, he wasn't wearing a condom. Maybe he was so stoned that he forgot how to put them on.
You know what I would do if I were him? Get divorced and fly the freak flag as high as possible! Start a new business venture- Tiger's Cocktail Waitress Cruises! Whatever, Tiger. Just quit lying. The cat's already out of the bag, so to speak.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
And it's Cleveland Indian's centerfielder Grady SIZEMORE!!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Now I'm going to have to get Sirius or something because there is nothing good here in Cleveland anymore, nothing! Rover sucks balls and Opie and Anthony are gone, along with my need for anything other than college radio and an iPod.
WMMS used to be a great station. Now they play freaking country music Sunday mornings and enable someone as inane and insipidly stupid as Dieter to earn more in a month than anyone with an IQ below Derek Anderson's QB rating deserves. It must be a record. He makes this kid look like a genius:
Here's a link to sign the petition to get him back. If it does any good I will be shocked. Pleased but shocked. So go sign it. Do it for me? He was a victim of child sexual abuse, dammit! If you don't sign you're an un-American pedophile apologist.
Or a Catholic priest.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
And if you are like me, you don't want to read it except for the good parts. Azaria over at Jezebel has done just that. She's correlated the bits where Palin blames her failure on other people and says Katie Couric is suffering from "low self esteem."
She also blames Nicole Wallace, a campaign aid, for everything from her bad interviews to the corns she got from walking to podiums.
Okay, I made that last part up, but read the article and watch the video of Nicole on Rachel Maddow's show.
Here's another site with a scathing review and an excerpt:
If you are in a hurry, here is the succinct version of this review: Going Rogue is shit. It is groundbreaking in its banality and disregard for facts. If you are sentient, it will pain you to read it. Imagine watching your parents 69 one another while John Madden sits behind you and bellows out color commentary and you will have some idea of how excruciating and profoundly scarring it is to plow through each page of this wholly fictional monument to self-aggrandized mediocrity. Going Rogue is to the art of writing what the Holocaust is to the concept of a just God â€“ the piece of disconfirming evidence so overwhelming that we are left questioning whether it can exist at all.
It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I almost peed mt pants laughing.
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c|
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I'd share my stories if I could. The only problem is that I would end up with some serious lawsuits on my hands and it is really hard to explain to people why it was a good idea to get someone so confused and hoodwinked that the local looney bin started to look like a good idea. A REALLY good idea if you get my drift. Yes, I got someone sent to a mental hospital. What?! Don't judge. She came from there in the first place! It's not like it was something new for her. Hell, she probably missed the applesauce and creamed corn, not to mention the fabulous Xanax.
Fine downers do not grow on trees, people. You have to earn them.
Some of you may not know that I do recaps for TVgasm. After the debacles of Megan Wants a Millionaire and the borefest of My Antonio, Flipit has given me a show that I can really sink my teeth into.
To read the reaming click here:
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
It's the new Motorola phone, for you non-geeks out there who haven't already jizzed in their pants a million times over it. There are fewer apps than the iphone but everything else it has is cheaper and updated with all the latest google jazziness.
And if you guessed that I do not speek geek, you would be correct. When he gets home I'll ask him to help explain this thing so I don't sound like a beauty pageant contestant.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I can't answer for Philly but I did fear for my life at a Yankees game back in the early 90s. Then again, one of my favorite people in the world is a huge fan of the pinstripes and even worked for them so, yeah. I'm going to be wishy-washy on this one.
But what is with the orange and brown suits? I am not getting that part. Must be a Fall reference because I have worn my Steelers gear in Browns' stadium and only one drunk ass dude with beer fueled bravery said anything other than good humored insult banter. And then he saw my 6'4" brother and shut the hell up.
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c|
|Clash of the Cretins|
I had to giggle at the bit about the hotel bible. I stole one back in September and I'm trying to figure out which friend's bedside drawer it is going to randomly end up nestled in. The biggest sinner, more than likely. Damn. That is going to be a hard choice.
Details: Is it true that when you stay at hotels you tear out the Bible page that condemns homosexuality?
Ian McKellen: I do, absolutely. I'm not proudly defacing the book, but it's a choice between removing that page and throwing away the whole Bible. And I'm not really the first: I got delivered a package of 40 of those pages—Leviticus 18:22—that had been torn out by a married couple I know. They put them on a bit of string so that I could hang it up in the bathroom.
Details: So did you?
Ian McKellen: It is in the bathroom, yes, but it's too much of a curiosity to actually put to use.
Details: Does it trouble you that after becoming one of the great Shakespearean players you'll probably be remembered as the wizard from a CGI blockbuster?
Ian McKellen: I'm well aware that when I go, the London Evening Standard billboard is going to say GANDALF DIES. No, it's fine. Gandalf is a great character, and I ride on the back of his popularity, not the other way around. And you could say I've missed out on having kids but I've grandfathered so many children through the role.
I love the gathered shoulder/asymmetrically buttoned jacket. So 80s.
Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
What does any of this have to do with "Lipstick?' It reminds me of the late 80s and modeling in the fall and winter in freaking bathing suits, David Lachapelle making me stare into the sun over a grate on 6th Avenue. Those were the cold days where I was so insanely busy that I didn't even notice the weather. I need to get back to that. Anybody need a 40 something model to sell their golf clubs or hormone replacement therapy alternatives? I've already done a wrinkle filler ad, so it's no big stretch for me. FUCK! Getting older sucks.