Friday, June 17, 2011

TGIF With The Most Condescending Asshole Knock-Knock Joke Ever

Knock, knock.

Who's there?



To who?


You have my permission to smack me.

Each To His Own Inspiration

If you are like most people with a garden, you started in March and continue to plant, weed, prune, hack and tweak well into Fall. I'm in the 'hurry up and grow' phase of arranging planters in addition to looking for inspiration for the fringe areas of the yard. Then, I remembered: I took a ton of pictures at the Home & Garden Show last February! Inspiration reinstated!

The picture above is from the Holden Arboretum 'Alice In Wonderland' display that took 1st Prize. More after the jump.

Alec Baldwin Doing TIME's Ten Questions

Say what you want about Alec Baldwin, but the guy can sure turn on the charm. He's like the perfect party guest. Sure, he's a bit of an egomaniac, but he loves to entertain and tell stories. 

Reddit Cartoon

Story of my life. And don't give me any grief. Just wait til you see the ring it got me!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Want Some Art? I Got Some Art Right Here

I cleaned every damn photo out of my phone today. I'm trying to get organized during my down time this Summer so I am sharing some mad beauty and wicked AHT with you all. This group is all trippy and shit because I just so happened to discover my psychedelic camera settings while we were walking around and looking at Hindu statues. 

I like these Hindu Gods. They have lots of arms, beatific smiles, and Lord knows they love their joorey, just like I do. So, that pretty much exhausted my fascination with solarizing and sepia toning things. Hey! You know who should have done that? Weiner! He should have solarized his penis before he sent it, or photographed it in negative. The hackers might have thought it was something artsy and boring, and I wouldn't have to listen to people talk about how a guy should resign over dick pictures. 

More art/pop culture comparisons after the jump.

Celebrity Rehab 5 Supertrailer

It's that time again. On June 26th Dr. Drew is back to making a living off the backs of sensationalizing celebrity addiction. The only person that really fascinates me is Sean Young. I'm mildly interested in Dwight Gooden and Amy Fisher, but Michael Lohan? Who the hell gives a shit about that scumbag? Not me! I am hoping that Sean brings a can of whoopass on his saggy mom jeans wearing butt. He is the sorriest excuse for a famewhore that ever lived, and that includes Dr. Drew, so you know it's bad.

Other 'celebrities' include Bai Ling, Hobie from Baywatch and a chick from Survivor. No sign of Missy, so there's that!

Shannon Tweed Is PISSED

I admit that when Mr. McSlore first told me that Gene Simmons and his girlfriend of 27 years were really, truly fighting, I assumed it was a publicity stunt. Not anymore! This clip has to be seen to be believed. I don't think I've ever seen a man more uncomfortable, and thank you, Joy! Thank you for articulating my exact feelings when it comes to reality shows these days. I've pretty much had it with them, almost as much as Shannon has had it with Gene. 

I may actually watch this now. Will you?

LeBron's New Decision

Entitled TOOL. He's better than you, ya know. You had to go back to your shitty jobs on Monday. He got to sip Champagne from the finest 2nd place trophy known to man. CHODE.

Canadians Riot After Vancouver Loss

Wait, WHAT?

The second I typed that I felt like I fell into a parallel universe. Aren't Canadians always harping on us down here in the United States about how we're so much more violent and they are superior in their civilised ways? Not when it comes to hockey! And I'm cool with that. Have you ever seen a soccer melee? It makes this look so lame. Actually, Saturday nights on West 6th Street make this shit look lame.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sometimes High Powered Cameras Are A Bad Thing

A chick (?!?) at Bonnaroo. Feel free to caption her since the Housewife hags are not inspiring me these days.

Now. Can you handle the super close-up?

Ah, yes. You know you're jealous. I knew who Anonymous was before you all did!

Lest We Forget

Japan, three months after the tsunami and earthquake.

Go The Fuck To Sleep

I've been there, babysitting a kid, a niece who would NOT sleep. I ended up propping her in a chair in front of MTV. Maybe that's why she only listens to Christian rock these days. Rebellious, I tell you!

It's an actual book that you can buy at Borders. I already have it on my list for three people I know. HILARIOUS, plus Samuel L. Jackson. How do you beat that?

Bonnaroo: A Misery and Aren't Festival

Me under the famous fountain, with A MISTER, I might add.

This was my fourth trip to the outdoor music and arts festival. I am 46 years years old and never had a problem with the relentless heat and moisture before, so all you pansy asses at Gawker can kiss my ass for all your boo-hooing over being too old and cool for it at age 25. Age was not the problem. The people that died were 24 and 32. Not old by any means. The real problem is much bigger than that, inklings of which I saw from the very first moment we got to Manchester, Tennessee.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Apres Bonnaroo

I will be going on at length later about the Hell that was Bonnaroo this year. A woman died, probably of drugs, Mr. McSlore got very ill and I learned never to rely on festival medical centers. Best to take a cab to the nearest clinic. Live and learn. I'll let the car give you some idea of the amount of dust there was, and this was after I wiped it down with a sheet before we left on Monday.