This one made me laugh my ass off.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
This is an email I recieved today from my friend MarkyPoo. He is a misunderstood genius who won't be appreciated until loooooong after his death. Most of his friends do kinda want him dead. Barring that, he could at least shut up once in a while.
Just kidding! Love you! Mean it! Anyhoo, here it is-
I heard from a very reliable source deep within the Washington beltway that Nancy Pelosi eats new born babies for breakfast every morning. I also read it on NewsMax!! Of course she doesn't care what race or creed it is...Typical Liberal!
Apparently she scours hosptial nurseries by the dark of night to find the most delicious babies (fat ones, she likes em fat). I just can't believe what is happening to this great country of ours. Where is St. Sarah? Oh cursed is our lot...Next installment President Obama is apparently sleeping with dogs.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Why God, why? Are you still pissed at me for all the Easter week irreverance? Please don't let me open the refrigerator at my friends' houses and see this insanity because I have too few friends as it is. I don't want to have to narrow it down to only a handfull at this point. Unless they have some vanilla caramel creamer in that fake boobie. Then we're cool.
Grab your popcorn and get ready for what may end up being an epic divorce. TMZ is reporting that Mel Gibson's wife Robin filed for divorce on Maundy Thursday. That's right. The day of the last supper and the day before Good Friday and three days before Easter. Talk about timing! This must be one pissed off lady to coincide the filing of her papers with a holiday that her husband is forever connected to because of his outragiously graphic and pious 'The Passion of the Christ.' Better start washing some feet, Mel. Catholics aren't supposed to get divorced, now are they, and it sounds like you've got some naughty things to atone for.
And who knows what he has been up to after his DUI and hanging out with Britney Spears in hotels. Maybe he fell off the wagon again? I have no idea, but remember, this is a guy who has had many allegations of cheapness and mistreatment of locals during the filming of 'Apocalyptica' and HE DOESN'T HAVE A PRENUP. Say goodbye to half of that alleged 900 million dollars, Mel, or hello to a whole shitstorm of bad publicity.
It must suck to be famous in the information age.
We finally have that new puppy in the White House that Obama has been promising his girls since the night he won the election. He is a six month old Portuguese Water Dog and he is really cute. They named him after Bo Diddley and he is a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy who has had a number of dogs from the same lineage.
I hope that the Secret Service have fun walking him every day. And I hope that he doesn't take a liking to pooping in Michelle's new garden. But knowing puppies, that's exactly what he'll do.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
I went to The Grog Shop to see Doug Stanhope last night and he fucking killed. My stomach is still hurting from all the laughing. Loved the prostitute as scab crossing the picket lines jokes (I can't retell it like he can so I won't even try) and the absurdity of diamond engagement rings. He is an atheist anarchist and he was a sweetheart to me when I asked him to sign the DVD we bought. I highly recommend that you see him if he comes to your city.