Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
If they want to catch whoever burglarized Paris Hilton's house today. First off, kudos to a guy with balls enough to go into her bedroom and actually touch stuff. And secondly, they said 2 million in jewels were stolen. Who the hell did she get that much bling from? One of those stupid Greek heirs she gave the Herp to? I probably have about $29.95 in gems and I never gave anyone anything! Not one STD! I must be doing something wrong..
This is just a rumor right now so don't whip out the barf bags just yet. Frank Stallone and his mom Jackie are getting a reality show. That's right, Sly's big brother is going to try and drum up another 15 minutes of fame before his mother goes off the the big plastic surgeon in the sky. Well, parts of her will go, the remainder he can put out with the rest of the recycling.
This is why I thank heaven for Joel McHale and The Soup. I will never have to watch a minute of it because those masochists do it for me. I can just wait for something truly and deliciously retarded to happen and giggle at Joel's spin on it. See, everybody wins!
And I have an excuse to post this French and Saunders clip:
And the Palin clan rears its' ugly head yet one more time.
Bristol Palin's fiancee (cough, cough) and baby-daddy Levi Johnston came home to some unexpected house cleaning yesterday. Seems his mommy was arrested in a drug sting operation and faces six felonies including drug dealing. Oopsie! And just in time for the holidays.
It really was kind of nice of those considerate troopers to wait a reasonable time after the election to arrest her, doncha think? I wonder if any of the troopers involved was Sarah's former brother-in-law? It would make for a perfect 'oh snap!' moment. Imagine the look on her face. Somebody's going to get fired today, you betcha!
So, you think you're a guy with a big peen? Prove it.
A company called Condometric has come out with a line of condoms that have rulers on the side, in inches for us Stateside, and centimeters for the rest of the planet.
I smell another great gift idea! Oops. That did not sound right.
When I read that on my igoogle this morning the first place my mind went to was porn. Who on earth was in that movie that would be that old? Certainly not Linda Lovelace.
Anyway, the number two guy under Hoover and the big whistle-blower on Watergate died in hospice in California (he probably just saw Frost/Nixon and had a coronary). Nope, they said he was in a good mood, ate his breakfast and then, poof! He died. So, so long to the guy who helped to make my life a misery when I had the chicken pox in the 5th grade. All that was on the TV my mom wheeled into my room was the hearings and soap operas. I went back to school a few weeks later and was the Nixon/Erlichman expert of Case Elementary. Made me real popular, I must say.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
How to Properly Hug a Baby3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the
4. The 'paw slide'
Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.
Love this article on blog comment etiquette.
Because it snowed in Vegas.
On the one hand, it's pretty cool to have snow on Palm trees and a white Christmas in the desert. But on the other hand, think of all the poor, freezing hookers in their mini skirts and sky-high heels slipping and falling on the ice, spilling condoms out of their purses onto the pavement in front of little Bobbie or Cindy who are there with their mom and dad because the travel agent says that Vegas is a family destination now. The humiliation! Think of the working girls, people.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The NFL Pro Bowl picks came out today and everyone is complaining. It's the usual bitching and moaning: The game is after the end of the season so it doesn't matter, my favorite team/player/water boy got overlooked, and it's just a free trip to Hawaii that they can afford on their own anyway. Well rejoice, children, for I have solved the problem.
Instead of picking out the best players let's poll to see who the hottest NFL wives and girlfriends are, put them in bikinis on the beach and make them play touch football. There would be nipple slips and bottoms tugged down so they might have to broadcast on the Playboy channel but I guarantee huge ratings!
Are you listening, Roger Goodell?
The fabulously witty and spot-on Rachel Maddow is featured in an article on newswomen in Vogue Magazine with Katie Couric and Campbell Brown. I skipped their blathering and just read Rachel's bit. Is she the cutest lesbian on TV? Oh wait, that would be Bill O'Reilly. God, I hate him.
Here's the article: http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/2009_Jan_Shaping_the_News/
My boyfriend and I were in the check-out line the other day looking at the magazine covers when I remarked, "I bet Obama gets Time's Man of the Year." He said that he didn't think so because he hadn't done anything in office yet. I guess that the people at Time magazine aren't waiting for him to get into office because I was right. It's more about what he represents, that over-used but needed more than ever word, hope, than any accomplishments he's made up until now. But I personally would have prefered Spaghetti Cat.
There have been a lot of pictures of Mickey Rourke lately because he is getting accolades for his performance in "The Wrestler," but I've been tearing my hair out trying to put my finger on who he looks like. I am happy to report that I've found the answer: the melting nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Did Bailey's hire a porno movie director to film this commercial? Or maybe I just have a dirty mind? I think that it's just good marketing. Alcohol + big lips + milky liquid = cum buy me.
Find more videos like this on AdGabber
Find more videos like this on AdGabber
I posted the Wolverine trailer yesterday and it made me curious about the actor who plays Gambit, a gambler and hustler from New Orleans. His name is Taylor Kitsch, he's Canadian and one of the stars of "Friday Night Lights," that high school football TV show I should be watching because it combines so many things that make life worth living; football, cute boys, sweaty cute boys half naked, girls drooling over brooding pouting cute boys and did I mention, hot half naked sweaty brooding pouty cute boys?
I need a shower. And he's 26. I'm not a perv!!
It's freaking freezing here, ugh! Anyhoo, it's everybody's favorite from "The Year Without a Santa Claus." Hmm. Why do I have a sudden desire to watch Paul Lynde videos while eating red cotton candy?
I loved "Dick in a Box" and "Jizz in My Pants" and now I find out that there will be an entire album of fabulously stupid songs under the group name of Lonelyisland. It features Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer. It will be called Incredibad and it comes out in February. God, I hope they get Justin Timberlake to do a bad BeeGees type of song. The album cover suggests that I might not be disappointed.
Monday, December 15, 2008
If I knew a single person who admitted to being a Ravens fan, I'd be hearing about this touchdown all week. What an exhausting game. What defense. What hatred. Even Jeff Reed, the kicker, got a penalty for unneccessary roughness!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Here is Naomi Campbell on the cover of Vogue China, botoxed to within an inch of her life, and pictures from the beginning and middle of her career. It doesn't look a damn thing like the cute girl with the big smile who started out 2 decades ago. Doesn't her face look like it went through a horrible Novacaine accident at the dentists? It seems as if the only thing she can move is her eyes. Are celebrities turning into ventriloquist's dolls? Is Jocelyn Wildenstein the new standard of beauty? I'm scared.
I guess they have to give it to you if you have 48 touchdown passes and the highest scoring team in a major division ever. This also marks the second softmore in a row to win the coveted trophy, after Tim Tebow of Florida won it last year. Since they play each other in the BCS title game, it should make it interesting so I might actually watch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is there some kind of law for white college quarterbacks that they have to be goofy looking? This kid looks like a Mormon who still wets his bed and goes home whenever he can so mommy can do his laundry.