Saturday, December 31, 2011

Mourning The Dove

We have a young hawk that practically lives in our yard. About a week ago, I went out to tear up some stale bread for the birds when I heard a loud flapping in the juniper tree above me. It was a hawk whom I disturbed as he was perusing the smorgasbord of feathered delicacies in our hedge. Well, he came back. A lot.

This morning there was a pleasant site out by the back bird feeder. Our mangy squirrel was scarfing up some dropped birdseed alongside a trio of Mourning Doves. I went back to my tea and went about my business until...........until...

Hawk 1, birds 0.

What a mess he left me! Watch him poop the damn bones out on the porch too.

Siri Argument

Freaking hilarious way to start your New Year's festivities!

New Year's Fireworks In Sydney

It's already tomorrow in Austrailia so the drinking is slowing down and the hangovers are just beginning. Don't feel bad for them, though. It's Summer down there and they can sleep them off on the beach. Assholes.
Yes, I am a jealous bitch.

But, fireworks. YAY!

Here's New Zealand's.

Shit Nerds Say

Friday, December 30, 2011

Saying Goodbye To 2011

Some really wonderful things happened this year. I got engaged and married, for one. We traveled quite a bit and I actually got to meet one of you people in San Diego. ;)

We are almost completely finished with the sunroom/bar, and we love the room so much that we eat exclusively in there. The only thing left to do is have the electrician do some re-wiring and get the bar top sanded and finished.
It was a busy year and it flew by. I made some new friends and cemented some old friendships. I found a really remarkable group of women that I didn't know existed until a year and a half ago whose strength matches their kindness, and isn't that a nice surprise in this day and age. Sometimes I feel isolated living so far from so many friends, and it is a relief to know that I can touch base with so many of you through this blog or on Facebook. JerseyGirl, Prodigal Cheez. Chemgal and TNbelle, I talk to you every day and you are my touchstone and my sisters in spirit and heart,

Leenie, you are wonderful. I know that you couldn't move out here but I will never give up on trying! Leigh, AlisonZ and Cissie, you are always at the ready with a smile and something positive to say. Skatt, Classy Drunk, TrueLifeDiva, April, Iwannabeanarchy, kdfinjpn, and Dane, I always look forward to hearing from you. Your insights and senses of humor are head and shoulders above 99% of commenters anywhere. Kbird, you are my inspiration in all things foodie and tongue-in-cheek. Baler! I missed your crazy ass! We've come a long way from the Y bridge, no? Diatribes and Ovations, it was a really nice bonus this year to find you and your blog. You are a great guy with an even greater moral compass. And Bob. What can I say about Bob? He has, hands down, one of the most excellent blogs out there. If you aren't reading I Should Be Laughing, then get your ass over there right now!

If I left any of you out, I apologise. Comment more! Just kidding. Not really.

I will leave you with some photos from our trip to Maine last month and my wishes for all of you to have a safe, happy and healthy New Year. It's going to be a Dragon, which is my Chinese astrological sign and the harbinger of good luck and fortune. Don't waste it!

Love you all.

Searching for sea glass and clams on the beach.

A beautiful Victorian we passed on our way from Kennebunkport to Portland.

Oysters at J's. Sublime and delicious. The only thing that beat them was the scallops. We are forever spoiled  by the incredible quality you find up there.

A weathered door down by the wharf in Portland. Speaks volumes about the history and character of this place.

Seafood Mecca. I am not joking. If you want Maine lobsters, this is where you buy them. This is also where we got the scallops to die for. I am pretty sure that manna in heaven was patterned after them.

If you needed any proof that the friends we stayed with were awesome, here it is. Their daughter, aged 3, with a chainsaw.

Perhaps the most beautiful lighthouse in the world. 

Words can't express how much I loved it there. I'm hoping that the friend we visited stays healthy enough so that we can go back in the Spring and visit him, and some other friends too. I really do love it there.

Enough about me. What were your highs and lows, and how are you approaching the new year?

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Epic Meal Time For Your New Year's Drunch

It is almost that time again, folks. New Year's Eve- to drink or not to drink? To party with no worries or to party while respecting all those hangover prevention tips that are flooding every damn website right now. I plan on drinking a bottle of wine or two, acting a fool at home with my husband and chowing down on some kind of pork, preferably with bones and fat. The next morning? Who knows. It depends on my hangover level. I may just have to hair of the dog it. Also, I have not gone out on New Years in ages. Why? Because I do not wish to get a DUI or get killed by some asshole who is too cheap to get a hotel room or a cab.

All of that aside, this is just some next level shit. Just don't watch it if you have a stomach ache.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

It's Christmas

Hubby in his Wayne Rooney mask. He's my favorite soccer player. NO, WE ARE NOT ROLE PLAYING LATER. Just want to make sure that's clear.

Hope your day is great and no one throws up on the dog. I'm having a pretty good one, albeit a trifle hungover, and we all know the cure for that- more drinking!

Only one week til Mob Wives....Merry Christmas, bitches!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The First Same Sex Kiss In The History of the Navy

As you were.

See, no big deal, right? Breaking one barrier at a time. THAT is what makes it special. 

The Hobbit Trailer Is Here

We only have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR.

I loved The Ring trilogy, though I must confess that in rewatching them, I fast forwarded through the singing bits and Samwise's endless discussions with Frodo on mountain sides and bogs and such. Then I would replay everything with Cate Blanchett in it and slow-mo the really gory bits. I would also like to say that I had a big old soft spot for Karl Urban as Eomer but then he went and got all nerdy in Star Trek when he played Bones. Seriously, what a lady-boner killer! Blech.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Shit Girls Say, Episode II

Speaking of poor dogs, I had apocolyptic dog sitting dreams last night including watching a little teacup rat belonging to Courtney Love. She also made me do her dishes which were these hideous designer bowls with the same flower design on them as her tattoos. She made sure to let me know that if I broke any of them it would cost me a thousand bucks, then she blew smoke in my face and taunted me over quitting. When I asked for $40 bucks a day, she said she'd give me four since her dog was about a tenth of the size of an ordinary dog. Dream logic, I guess. It is what it is, but I could totally see her saying that.

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Dark Knight Rises Trailer

It's the rich versus the poor. How topical. At any rate, I got chills. That Nolan is quite the director, even if he does have questionable skill in choosing his female leads. Plus, Hines Ward! I was not expecting that. Color me super excited.

My Tree

For the third year in a row, we have done an Asian themed Christmas tree. Finally this year we have found enough decorations so that it doesn't look half decorated. The strings of plastic firecrackers were the best find of all because they filled the tree up so nicely and gave it a more cohesive feel. Thank goodness for World Market, which is also where I found this cute golden Buddha-
More decorations after the jump.

Shit Black Girls Say

This is even funnier than the first one!

Friday, December 16, 2011

TGIF With A Real Housewives of Boston Christmas

R.I.P. Christopher Hitchens

What to say about an incredibly courageous man with one of the most wickedly brilliant minds in all of journalism? This is the guy that toured the country espousing his anti-theist views and was surprised that, instead of a lynching, he was heaped with praise from fellow non-believers. This is the guy that had no problem turning his back on a movement, like socialism, when it lost it's moral compass. This is the guy that willfully got waterboarded to prove that it was torture when none of the defenders of waterboarding had the guts to do it, and he was 59!

He wrote for The Nation and Vanity Fair. No topic was taboo for him and he even allowed Graydon Carter to assign him a series of de-stressing spa visits when the truth is, he would rather be anywhere else. After all, Hitchens has been eating stress for breakfast since the Vietnam War, along with Johnny Walker Black by his side. He thrived on it.

Another great Lion is gone. He succombed to esophageal cancer at the age of 62, and I will miss his articles terribly.
Link to Vanity Fair which has a ton of tributes to him today-

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Kids Getting Bad Presents

I love the little boy who tells his sister that she should appreciate her half eaten sandwich. Little shit!

Try not to laugh. I dare you.

Mob Wives Season II Trailer

Is Karen a hot mess or what? Girl has yet to meet a cannoli she doesn't like which makes me assume that her strategy for winning fights this year is to sit on people. She is so hated that the producers had to bring a friend of hers on board so she didn't get her teeth kicked in by the other women. Wise on their part. I would hate to see her claim to be a bullying victim, and what a nutjob. People like her are so toxic that just saying hello to them can turn into a ten year war.

As for Drita, she's still the bleepin' queen of my heart. If you're caught in a dark alley with Karen, she's all you need. Your enemies would be bleeding through their ears and she wouldn't have even smeared her lipstick. She's intense, yes, but she possesses a rough kind of beauty and if she were a man, she'd be running things, or at the very least be the number one enforcer. LOVE her.

Renee is lipo-ing and lifting herself into a smaller version of the biggest drama queen evah, and being in the hospital allows her to indulge in all her self-absorbed shenanigans like never before. Girl is going to be driving nurses crazy with her attention sucking crap and banshee wailing, but if you think that's bad, wait until she hears what Junior did. What did Junior do? He ratted out her Dad in exchange for a lighter sentence. Okay, she has my permission to go apeshit, like she needs it.

Last but not least is Carla. Her name is Carla, right? She's a mouse compared to these lions and I have no idea what her story is going to be. Fighting with Renee, maybe? Dunno. I just want to watch Drita kick Karen's ass.

Shit goes down January 1st at 8 p.m. on VH1.

Jesus Heals The Gay Right On Out Of You!

I didn't know he could do that!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Shit Girls Say

I love that she is munching chips with a tiny vodka bottle tucked in between her and her boyfriend.

Shit that me and my girlfriends say:

Where's the Xanax? You swore that there would be Xanax at this party!

You want a blow job? You're gonna have to promise me a mother-in-law free holiday.

I think she might actually eat that Hillshire Farms catalog.

Is she trying to plug the cable box into the toaster?

She's got Munchausen by Facebook proxy.

No, she's a Whirling Dervish of the Mundane!

That's so cyu-ooo-ute!

Do they still enforce child labor laws?

You are all just a bunch of Nigerian princesses.

Bless her heart!

No self respecting cat would sit still for that.

Are you mad at me? You're not mad at me, right?

I secretly love Tang.

Maybe Groupon will offer a deal on liposuction that I can jump on.

You know who you are....There are many, many more, trust me.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Ho, Ho, Hos

I don't post very often anymore about the Housewives of Wherever, or as I like to call these shows, Day of the Locusts Part II, but I saw this photo and just had to put it up.
What is that body language between Lisa and Kyle about? Lisa looks like she thinks Kyle's hideousness might rub off on her. Her face is a mask of barely concealed disgust! Oh, those rich Brits. When they aren't being bawdy and facetious, they seem to be sitting on piles of repressed feelings. What do you think? Is this the end of the line for this friendship, and what in Paris Hell is Kyle wearing? Her niece's hand me downs, or is it Taylor's skin?

Friday, December 9, 2011

Lindsay Lohan In Playboy

I don't know, you guys. Not only is it way too literally derivitive, but it's freaking bland. Girl has no soul behind her eyes. I thought I'd never say this but Pam Anderson has more soul, as does any decent drag queen, which she resembles in a boobs-photoshopped-onto-a-Drag Race contestant kind of way.

A couple more after the jump.

TGIF With Megan Mullally's School For Actresses

There's nothing like starting the weekend with something completely ridiculous, yet true!

Chloe Seven-KNEE's Closet

I think she's cute. Pretentiously cute, but cute nonetheless. I like that she can laugh at herself. Also, I never noticed that she has this little vocal tick where she kinda 'tsks' after a sentence. Does Drew do that in his parodies? Anyway, she would make a perfect flapper and I think that she should be playing Daisy in The Great Gatsby, not Carey Mulligan. 

Perhaps Carey is an excellent actress but she just doesn't have IT, you know? Chloe has IT. I kinda love her in a healthy girl crush kind of way.

At Home with Chloƫ Sevigny: Part 1 from Opening Ceremony on Vimeo.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Response To Rick Perry

Vote for THIS guy.

It was in response to this incredibly unpopular Rick Perry video.
Gee, I wonder why people don't like it. Hmmmm.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Can you imagine an entire movie filmed like this? I would pass out, right after I started using pot again.

TimeScapes 4K from Tom Lowe on Vimeo.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Congrats To Tiger On Finally Winning A Tournament

Finally, at the Chevron World Championship in Thousand Oaks yesterday, he didn't choke. It only took two years for him to get his mojo back, and by mojo I mean a tramp named Maureen that works at Howard Johnsons. All kidding aside, I was almost as relieved as Tiger because a winning Tiger is good for the sport. It's a fact. The ratings go up, more people are interested in the sport and it will help this country take advantage of the exploding market in Asia. 

On a lighter side, here's a guy yelling something after Tiger's last tee shot on 18 yesterday.
It was a Redditor, of course. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sometimes More Is Too Much

On our way home from La Dolce Vita in Little Italy (their Fettucini Fellini is to die for), I made Mr. McSlore stop the car so I could get a picture of this enormous tree in front of one of the mansions here in Cleveland Heights. It's kind of a mess, right? It completely dwarfs the house. It's so showy that you can see it from around the corner. I could see it from Murray Hill, practically. 

Note also that they decided that renting a cherry picker was okay for one damn tree but put absolutely nothing on the house itself. There is no balance. It's like the only thing they care about is having the biggest damn tree around. It's like the Anna Nicole of trees, sloppy and hard to miss.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Vilest One Of All?

Whose voice shrinks men's balls up into their body cavities? Who makes sweeping generalizations of all men, including gay ones? Who miraculously still has a job yet has never been successful at it? Who tells women to amp up the titties while dumbing themselves down, all for the right RICH guy, of course?

Why, it's Batty Canker, of course!

Thank you, thank you to the geniuses over at Vulture. Their NY magazine recaps and TV reporting are my favorites by far.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

RIP Patrice O'Neal

One of the truly great comics of our time is gone. He died of complications following the stroke he suffered in October. He will be missed.

Here's his best bit. If you know of any others, please share the links.

Ridickulous Seems Like A Cool Guy

If you watched The Real Housewives of Atlanta, you know that I referring to the stripper that is so big that he can fellate himself. Is that a word, fellate? Anyway, he can suck his own dick. 

I just love how NeNe acts like she's a lady when she sees him. Puh-lease! You know she only acted disgusted because she didn't think of it first. What a nasty old bitter bitch she has become. I have never seen a glummer cunt.

And since you are all wondering.....Ridickulous naked after the jump! Proceed with caution.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Joel McHale on Conan

He really does hate those Kunts, doesn't he?
And we agreed that if Joel says it, it doesn't count as an actual KKK post, right? Good, because he's funny as Hell, and I still love Conan even though I never seem to be awake or sober enough to hit the DVR when he's on.

The Hunger Games Trailer

It looks good, and guaranteed to be upsetting. Only one comes out alive. Can we throw Taylor in there too?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Kartrashian SNL Skit

Please let this mark the end of their rein of terror on the E! network. Such losers! And I blame every single one of you that watch this trite glorification of superficial fame grabbing and phony familial homey-ness. 

Remember, this is a girl that is not only famous for getting peed on, but she stole six figures from Ray J's own Mother. And that voice! It is so bland, so devoid of anything remotely resembling character or personality that it makes me want to stick knitting needles into my ears! Oh, and let's not forget that their so-called collections of perfumes, handbags and clothing are complete rip-offs of other designers. They all suck, and this is the first and last post I will ever do about these leeches on society, which I wouldn't have done in the first place if Kristen Wiig wasn't such a genius.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Truth In Advertising

Here's the awesomely honest commercial for Immortals which opens on Friday. It has half naked muscular men killing each other, hot chicks in slinky ancient Greek slutwear, and epic special effects. I may sit through this one twice. Naked.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Haunted House Hilarity

My neighbour died. I need a good laugh. R.I.P. John, you old coot. He was a hilarious letch and he will be missed. Somewhere in heaven he is watching hockey and staring down Mary Magdelene's dress.

Occupy Main Street

Who doesn't have Polo and Caviar Galas? I mean, REALLY. That shit can get expensive!

Friday, October 21, 2011

TGIF With No Rapture For YOU!

So, once again the supposed 'rapture' has come and gone, yet here I sit, untouched and unscathed. How could that be? I've been really good and pious and grateful and nice! I recycle, I compost, I am kind to animals, annoying old people and even screaming brats at the grocery store. What do I have to do, bleed from the palms? Endure another Inquisition while giggling like Anderson Cooper? Heal LINDSAY LOHAN?

Fuck it, it's cold, I'll make a fire.

Since we're probably going to be here through another long freaking Winter while all the sermonizers waft to the heavens like so many Led Balloons, Mr. McSlore built us a right proper wood rack for the sunroom. It only took him an hour and a half!

I think someone might be getting lucky tonight! 
What are YOUR plans?

Robert Downey Jr. In Drag?

NOT a good look for him. 

The movie opens just before Christmas.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Real Housewives of South Boston

Since Bravo has jumped the shark with every single branch if the franchise, we might as well get some laughs out of the parodies. Here's the Southie version-

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Walken Dead

Did anyone watch the premiere of Walking Dead last night, or were all you bitches too busy watching Tre's head spin around? Ah, yes. The beauty of October and all the scary programs on TV!

Friday, October 7, 2011

More Is More

What assezzeries will you be rocking this fall? I'm going with panties.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Wozniak Remembers Steve Jobs

The big guy is pretty awesome too. It must be hard to lose such a close friend.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

LMLMB's New Look

I was getting so freaking tired of the strain on my eyes that I decided to make a change. It's a simple one. I still like the layout. I just didn't like the black. My only problem is that the light blue is so BORING. Any ideas? 

I think I'll go meditate in church and see if I can come up with anything. I mean, meditate to SLAYER, of course.

The Cat Whisperer

I love the super close-ups of maru that I just posted but it was severely lacking in the humor department, so here's this one. The two minute mark with the ID is brilliant! Don't spoil the moment by watching after that. Trust me. It's all downhill from there.

Kitty Porn

Maru wants you. He wants to sink his paws into your rug and violate your box. 

What? He does! I saw him jumping out of one from UPS just last week.

Friday, September 9, 2011

9/11, Ten Years Later

When I was little, my parent's friends' big social/political question was, 'what were you doing when JFK was shot?' I got a bit older and it became, 'Did you know anyone who was there for the Kent State shootings?' Today the big topic is, 'What were you doing when the towers fell?' 

. I was at home in Medina, Ohio getting ready for work when they were hit. I would turn The Today Show on at 8 a.m. as I ran around the condo, showering, grabbing sips of coffee and getting ready to drive up to Brunswick and my job as the bar manager at Johnny's, a nice family-style restaurant that catered to the more careerist residents of the town, as opposed to the farmer hilljack assholes that seemed to produce 75% of the offspring up there. Your average people populated the place, cops, teachers, computer programmers and alkie real estate agents. The cream of the Brunswick crop.

As soon as I saw the footage of the first plane hit the North tower, I called my brother who is an architect. He said that the structure would survive as long as none of the support beams were hit, clearly harking back to the first bombing attack which happened in the 90s when I was still living in New York. That was when terrorists placed a bomb in the parking garage but miscalculated on where to put it. Thank God for stupid terrorists! Too bad they weren't as bad the second time around.

Then the second tower was hit as I watched live on TV. I called my Dad. First words out of his mouth were, 'terrorists.' I was aghast. Terrorists weren't on my radar then. It had been almost a decade since the first attack, clearly we had learned something from that. Why would anyone do this? We Americans were happy then. We were flush. Life was good. War was the last thing on anyone's mind. This was the beginning of the end of that blind happiness. This was the beginning of a lot of scary shit. Things I thought I would never see, because we all move forward and do better than our ancestors, right? Did I really believe this? That younger generations improve upon the past? Such is the short sighted stupidity of the young.   

Odd off-topic fact. My father died on 9/11 three years later. That was a weird day too. Story for another time.

At work, I was readying the restaurant for the 11 a.m. opening, rushing around, cell phone attached to my ear, trying to contact my friends in New York. Zero luck, total freak out. In my mind, there was a reason I couldn't reach them, and it was a bad one. I didn't know that everyone across the country was having problems, not until I got home at 6.

Later, after I found out that my friends were safe, I found out that one went through a particularly harrowing experience at Ground Zero. He was working in a building right off The World Trade Center's plaza. He and his co-workers were told not to evacuate, it was too dangerous with all the debris, fuselage and human. After dealing with the agonizing sight and sound of those that jumped to their deaths, he and his co-workers got the hell out of there. The towers fell shortly thereafter. He arrived home covered in dust. I cannot even imagine the nightmares he must have. It makes me tear up to this day.

I can't claim much trauma beyond what any American felt that day. Sure, I lived in New York for almost a decade. Sure, I would meet my brother for lunch by the bronze globe in the World Trade Plaza when he worked a few blocks away and we would glance up and talk about how cool it was that we lived in such an amazing place. 

Sure, I was freaked out when I woke up Wednesday, September 12th, and walked out to get the paper in the cool dawn, stepping on the concrete driveway in the slowly warming quiet. I looked up and there were no planes in that clear, sill dark star freckled sky. It was eerie, it was like a bad horror movie from the 50s. It wasn't entirely real, even as it was all TOO real, and it was bad for all of us, whether we had been to New York or not. I can't even imagine how bad it was for those that lost someone in those towers, in The Pentagon, or in that field in Pennsylvania. My heart goes out to them. My heart also bleeds for those that in the military that died in the wars that followed, not out of some bandwagon jumping SUPPORT OUR TROOPS bullshit, but because it is all so completely and utterly STUPID, and religion and jingoism and the military-industrial greed machine are at the heart of it. It needs to end, and I wish we were a little more advanced so that we could see it, at least in my lifetime. 

TGIF With Your Tutorial On How To Dress Punk-Ish!

Where does World of Wonder come up with this stuff?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Therapy With Kennedy

She can pretend Daddy is still alive and that all those clay people are Mommy Stretch, and Mommy's many personalities. Bulimic Mommy, Drunk Mommy, Oklahoma-On-Your-Ass Mommy, Grifter Mommy. Why, the list goes on and on!

Friday, August 26, 2011

What If You Were Famous?

Sometimes (okay, MOST of the time) I look at these tabloid covers and I wonder how much is bullshit and how much is based on factual information. I'm going to guess that their stories are 15% factual, even when the crap comes straight from the publicist's mouth.

Anyway, it's been slow around here, I'm about to turn another year older this weekend and I thought we'd have some fun, get the blog back up and running, by asking you what YOUR tabloid headline would be. What perfectly innocent thing goes on in your life that people would point fingers at and discuss in hushed voices when you're around? 

I'll start. I am very good friends with my husband's ex-wife. Some people think this is odd and even have the balls to tell me so, including my own mother. If I were famous, the headline would probably be, Keeping Her Friends Close and Her Enemies Closer, or since this friend is also remarried, Lesbian Love Affair? Who Will Tell Mr. McSlore He Is A Beard? 

We're going for a walk today, so if that Sandra/Ryan headline is any indication, Secret Lesbian Tryst In The Mists Of Euclid Creek, FINALLY EXPOSED, as we innocently hug and say goodbye. 

See how fucked up this is? Your turn.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Beavis And Butthead Watch Jersey Shore

Why not? There's nothing else going on, hence all the video posts. Well, there's the economy, corporate rape, Lybian and Syrian unrest, the arrest of Joe Francis (YAY), waiting and waiting for Chris March's show, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, aka The Real Housewives of  New Jersey,....

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Progress At Ground Zero

The tenth anniversary is less than a month away and here is a video showing you how much has been built since the area was cleared. Slow progress, to be sure, what with all the politics involved and the fear of enraging or disappointing the families of those who died. 

Some of my friends fear that anything that is built will be a target. Others believe that the design is flawed and should have been smaller. I just wish they would get it done. I still remember everything about that day. It was the beginning of quite a negative time in my life and I can still see the blue sky on September 12th, eerily devoid of planes. I don't like using a vacuum as a metaphor, but this is one that needs filling, STILL.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Ricki Gervais Has A New Show

I love little people too, and I would love to dress them up in little costumes! No takers yet. They all run screaming when they see the Milania costume. Bummer.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Anderson Cooper's Gigglefest

SO infectious, that giggle. He's like a 13 year old girl getting tickle bombed at Summer Camp.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

On A Positive Note...

Baby Queen fan, LOVE!

Russell Armstrong, Why?

Yesterday, I asked what to do with Ashley Holmes. Today, I am asking the same question about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Stretch Armstrong. When someone kills themselves like Russell did, should the show go on? I remember almost exactly 2 years ago, I was recapping Megan Wants A Millionaire when one of the contestants killed his wife and then offed himself when the manhunt got to close to him in Canada. Should Bravo do what VH1 did and cancel the show? Should they cut most of Stretch's scenes down? I don't know how they could, she's always at the center of drama. What do you guys think? 

Oh, and a very heartfelt and huge amount of sympathy goes out to that little girl with the unfortunate name, Kennedy. that poor child always seemed happiest with her Dad. How unimaginably awful that she will grow up with the knowledge that her Father would rather die than face the mess of his life, and that her mother would drive him to it by airing every last bit of his dirty laundry in an effort to exonerate herself. Stretch is an AWFUL person. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Monday, August 15, 2011

What To Do With A Problem Like Trashley?

Mr. McSlore is off at some work seminar training thingymawhatever, so I actually watched The Real Knuckleheads of New Jersey on the day it aired for a change. I never watch it when he's around. NEVER. My husband has a very low threshold for nose jobs and sequins. Go figure.

The Laurita-Holmses held a life coach intervention of sorts for the most ineffectual daughter ever, Trashley. Nothing got resolved, the loser child has no plans other than some vague desire to move to L.A. so she can learn how to apply her own make-up just in case she gets a job modeling empty barrels or burlap flour sacks IF she's lucky in this economy. The girl is just dying for Natural Selection to take her out. Can you imagine how she would make out if Mom and unloved love-buying Step-Daddy Chris put her ass out of their mansion? Where would she sleep, Miss Andy's couch?

Cut the purse strings for good, Jackie. Make like a real parent and JUST DO IT. At this rate you'll be 90 and shelling out for her Depends.

What would YOU do if you were the parent to such a nightmare child? It can't be any worse than what Jackie is doing, Lord knows!

Friday, August 12, 2011

TGIF With A Stamos Snugglefest

If you no likey, just be glad it isn't an Olsen Orgy or a Saget Scat-a-thon.

The Went- Wents

Look who finally got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, it's the GoGo's! My, some of them have gotten up there, haven't they? And the cutest one looks the worst! Please tell me that that's a wig Jane Wiedlin is wearing. She looks like she's channeling Sylvia Miles.

She looked like this only a few years ago during her time on The Surreal Life-

Go back to brunette!

Here they are when they were young and still had baby fat in their faces-

What the hell is going on with Belinda's face?  

She looks like Eileen Brennan!

I know, we all get old, but this is depressing. Who's going to turn up wrinkly tomorrow, Webster?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Kris Letang At His Best

I know that most of my readership is made up of people that could give a rat's ass about hockey, but Kris Letang is exceptional. I'll watch this enough for all of us anyway.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Dylan Ratigan Loses His Temper


Please share, via Facebook, Twitter, what have you. Something needs to be done, sooner rather than later.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Time For A Bar-Buh-Qwa

Chloe's back slurping on some Cher-behrt, and I'm off to Chicago for Lollapalooza. No worries this time. I have accommodations with four walls and air conditioning and everything!

Friday, July 29, 2011

I Don't Give A Fuck Video

Jon Lajoie is back, he of the Regular Everyday Normal Guy fame. Here he takes silliness to extremes in his new video, and you have to watch the whole thing. YOU HAVE TO, I say! I hear he smokes quite a bit of pot. NO WAY, you say.

Caption The Housewife, Thank You Jesus For Relaxers Edition

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Man Without A Facebook

New York Didn't Jump The Shark, It Ran It Over And Then Used It For Whale Chum

What a mess this show has become. What started out as goofy and interesting has devolved into a morass so despicable it is virtually impossible to watch without getting a severe headache. How can women, smart women, allow themselves to be filmed showing what I can only hope are the lowest depths of their character. I am so glad I got super busy and stopped recapping this tragedy when I did. Sickening, just sickening.

Here's a great article from the Huffington Post. Just ignore the Jill love and the Lynn hate. Everything else is perfectly accurate.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Season 2 Trailer

Oh dear God, it's going to be BAD, by which I mean good. Mark your calendars for September 5th, 9 p.m.
This new girl looks like a bigger cunt than Cameel, no?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Our Song

Fucking hippies! LOLOL!

I got married today. I'm a happy girl! Love to all!!!!!!!!!!!

We like a lot of trip hop too, and came to love this song on our first trip to Union Pier. It reminds me of boating and being completely warm and content.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I'm A Bad Mommy

We all go through periods in our lives where we are incredibly busy. You're doing so much for so long that you don't remember falling asleep at night, you're so tired. The day is done, you shower away the grime, have a cocktail (I recommend Tito's organic vodka mixed with Sweetleaf's mint & honey tea, super refreshing) and you collapse into bed for a quick puppy snuggle, then it's light's out. Just gone. We've been 30% busier than everyone else on the planet to the point where I haven't remembered that moment before falling asleep since June. 

The good news is that I have my punch drunk moments, joking to random people about our impending nuptials, and how it's an upgrade for me since everything is MINE now. I'm joking, of course. no I'm not. 

The bad news is that I haven't been spending as much time as I usually do with the dogs. Their spoiled asses are used to three treats a day, preferably in a crystal bowl and there better be variety dammit! Regular Shiatsu massage appointments are de riguer, and baby talk words of encouragement every single time they make a solid poo are standard to the point that I don't think either of them could loosen their bowels without them. Instead, I have been combing crap out of their undercoats so it doesn't get all over the newly cleaned carpets, and making them stare at me through French doors for hours at a time while I tile and paint. The looks they give me, the sadness in their eyes, I can practically hear the strains of the royal dirge through the thick panes of glass. It all boils down to one thing: BAD MOMMY. 

But then nine or ten o'clock rolls around, we snuggle on the bed, and all is forgiven, even Daddy's scary expletive heavy outbursts when he mis-measured the tile yesterday, and how Mommy smelled as bad as a rotten tuna that just fell out of Tamra's blimp hanger of a birth canal from sweating over thin set as hard as Cameel sweats on the toilet when her meds aren't working. Then....zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, July 11, 2011

That Pretty Much Sums It Up

And I'm pretty sure that most kids feel the same way. Two guys married each other? Meh. Ping Pong? AWESOME.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

As If You Needed Any More Proof

...that Ohio is NUTS, I mean bananas.
Who has a banana as a mascot? This has to be a prank.

Mob Wives Reunion Preview

Renee is such a drama queen. She'll do anything to get the attention on her. You know she loved it when Renee's boyfriend gave her two seconds of his time! PLEASE. I swear, on her son's eyes, I tell you!
Reunion will air on VH1 Sunday at 8.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

C'est Wrong, C'est Wrong!

Someone stop her before she sings(?!?) again! Dude, you are NOT RuPaul! Get over it.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Genius Or Retarded- You Tell Me

The only reason I can think of, to use a phone like that, would be extreme paranoia over the possibility of cancer/radiation/tumors/NewtGingrichreadingyourthoughts.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Caption The Housewife, Nurse Cuntass Edition

Holy Plain Jane! Oh, and thanks for ruining the show for me, along with your brownterage of Sidney, Leather and Shill. I don't even want to call them brunettes. It feels like an insult to my russet tressed friends. The word brown just seems more appropriate, don't you think?

Mature Martha

Here's a soap commercial with a 15 year old Martha Stewart playing house with a much older man. She looks older, so I'm not creeped out by it. Not as much as I would be if she looked 15. Still, it's just another example of the inappropriate circumstances the biz has no problems putting young girls in. It's been going on forever, not just since 1956.

From World of Wonder

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Week In Weiners

This was quite the week for my favorite body part, and there is something for everyone after the jump. NSFW, DUH!

The Only Cult Chloe Belongs To Is One Of Personality

Don't make Chloe a Sister Wife. Please, God, NO! She'll start wearing Mom jeans un-ironically! 

Tom Ford, Fall 2011

Watching this almost makes me want to be pale again! ALMOST. I love the red and gold make-up, though on me it would look a tad, um....Tammy Faye. Anna Piaggi, IF I'm lucky. Your 40s aren't usually the right time to start experimenting. No eyebrow shaving or huge blonde hair for me. Those days are LONG gone. These days you will find me in a golf skirt and ponytail. In Fall- tights and sweaters. Bottoms are optional and depend on whether I am going out, or if Mr. McSlore is home.

I love his designs, always have. He's also HELLA hot. Voila:

Look at him being all queen-y in the front row of a fashion show. Oh my God, I love him so. He always has that tiny smile and you can just tell that he loves to share naughty stories and insider gossip, with the right people, of course. 

How I would love to be one of those people. We share the same birthday and both worked in the fashion biz. Does that count?

Happy Father's Day

To all those Dads out there, even if you only have dogs or cats or houseplants. That leaves out all of you in prison, and if you are, you aren't on my blog for Father's Day wishes. You are here for this

R.I.P. Clarence Clemons

He died of complications from a stroke in Palm Beach last night. So sad. He was an amazing talent and made Bruce Springsteen shows bearable. (sorry, not a fan)

This may be the best Star Spangled Banner performance ever. 

Friday, June 17, 2011