Thursday, January 13, 2011

Give This Girl her Own Show

Fuck Ted Williams, this girl is my new instant hero!

Whatchoo Readin' Fer?

One of my favorite Bill Hicks bits. NSFW.

I'm not a Beatles fan but I get the point.

I'm Special. Bob Said So

Dear Readers,
I won a super special award! A Spatula Blogger Award! Appropriate since I got whacked with one pretty regularly as a kid.Anyway, I got tagged by Bob from I'm Not laughing as being an enjoyably irreverant blogger, or something to that effect. There's a hitch, though. There always is, now isn't there? I have to tell you crap about myself that you don't know. Well, If I haven't told you, it's because it's none yo bidness, but I'm game. I'll play. Besides, as you all know, I find myself endlessly fascinating. 

1. I like gay people way more than breeders. 
    Maybe it's because I live in Ohio, but I rarely meet any straight people that I think are worthy of my time. I like the way gay people think. I'm a snob when it comes to the intellectual/sense of humor/creativity of people. I know that sounds bad, but at least I'm a snob FOR THE GAYS. Also, it's no accident that every male friend of mine in high school, save two, turned out to be gay. I even bearded for one. I think that's a rite of passage for a gal like me.

2. I met Gina Lollabrigida and her boobs at an IFC awards thingymajigger.
 I am rarely tongue tied. I was that day. She was 50 and looked like a young Joan Collins. I almost got on my knees to worship her but she was with Richard Avedon and I didn't want him thinking that I was making fun of his height.

3. I have a five head. Always have, always will. Voila:
Look, Chemgal. I too, was a glowbaby!

4. I HATE those commercial with Sarah McLachlan and the abused pets that need to be adopted. It's like, 'Cry! Now give me your money!' HATE.

5. I have a bizarre crush on Eddie Izzard. I can't explain it. I don't even think he looks that good in drag. Oy.

6. My ancestor and Mr. McSlore's ancestor fought over the inclusion of slavery in the Declaration of Independence. Unfortunately, mine won.

7. My Grandfather played with Cab Calloway.

8. I share a birthday with Mother Teresa and PeeWee Herman. FUCKED UP.

9. I modeled Norma Kamali clothes on Attitudes. Remember that show? AWESOME Lifetime camp.

10. I abhor country music and folk rock and will go to my grave clutching Dio and Judas Priest albums.

Okay, now here's who I think deserve awards.

Bob from for his impeccable taste, clearly. Plus, he blogs religiously and the only thing we disagree about is Bethenny.
Karen from She's smart, she can cook and she shares!
Billy from He also shares. This time it's music and his great photography.
Lady Bunny . Yes, she was around before electricity. Yes, she's a filthy old whore, BUT she's one of my oldest and mostest smartest friends.
Finally, Bidz. Self explainatory.

Please share stuff about yourself in the comments. Preferably insane and embarrassing.

I Guess I've Written The Necronomicon

Can someone tell me why, in this day and age, anyone would think that there is something wrong with rubbing one out? It's the safest sex there is! You don't have to deal with someone else's needs, no one gets pregnant, you don't wake up with strange bumps or rashes and you never get rejected. Well, unless you're TDTF.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Days of Our Housewives

I was emailing a friend the other day and we got on the subject of the Housewives and how I am losing interest in the whole enterprise from a writing perspective. I have no problem gossiping about some of them, especially the ones that front. Their inevitable exposure for the broke phonies they are makes everything seem right in the world, in light of the fact that they shove their million dollar onyx and brass festooned houses of cards down our throats on a (twice!) weekly basis.

That's okay because they get theirs in the end, or is it? Is it okay AT ALL?

It's not. Here's why.

RHONY Season 4 Shitty Preview

Fist off, why is it taking so long for OC to air? They should be on before the hags in New York, no? I heard that things hadn't gone as planned and production is scurrying around with re-edits. Whatever. I am not looking forward to this part of the franchise, and why is Jill still around? 

This season starts airing the day after Valentines. 
What do you think? Has this part of the increasingly Soap Opera-like Real Housewives jumped the shark?