Jolie's Joorey

Yes, please. I love giant semi-precious stones, but why can you see it by invitation only? It's for a children's charity for God's sakes and it's 'exclusive?' Gross.
By the way, she looks like shit.

Milky Way Time Lapse

Dear Deer

Please don't jump out in front of the car. I'm afraid you would total it, then die, and Mr. McSlore would send you out to be made into jerky and Bambi burgers. I don't really like it. Thanks.

Now, if you were a piggy, it would be a different story. I'd eat you right down to the snout. We need more wild Porky's running around Cleveland.

Pro-Ana Or Just Silly

Do you remember a couple years back when Kate Moss said those exact words? Do you think she was joking? Probably only half. Now there's a company in the UK called Zazzle that is marketing these t-shirts to girls of all ages. I think it's fine in a Spencer Gifts kind of way, but not to a tween, which this girl clearly is. With the amount of eating disorders out there, it's pretty irresponsible, and let's not leave the infants out!

So, funny or in terrible taste?

First Video From The Set of The Hobbit

For my fellow LOTR fanatics.

Real Housewives of New Jersey Preview

They remain as classy as ever. The new girls look as bad as Teresa, total bitches with shitty style. Label Whores that think they're Faaaah-byuh-lusssss! 
I think this May I might actually puke on my TV. No lie.

Easter Sweet Tooth

For brains.

From Think Geek.

Thanks, Diane!

Caption The Housewife, Face Off Edition

Okay, this photo is making the rounds this morning and I'll give credit where credit is due. I saw it on Naked Fan Mail first, but anyway, HOLY HELL. What did The Zarinmonster do to her face?The nostrils are smaller, she has beady rat eyes and trouble smiling properly. Girl got the works done, for what? Does she think she looks better like this? She doesn't even look like herself. 

I really thought the New York gals were above this sort of thing. What was I thinking?

Update: Here's Leather lying for her only friend in the whole wide world. MORON

Deadliest Catch Season 6 Review

I'll go into more detail in my recap, but here is a short synopsis of the last season. It was jam packed with heart wrenching drama and actual death. RIP, Captain Phil.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: It Takes Discipline

Whether you are growing a successful business or trying to make your marriage last, you need a healthy dose of hard work and discipline, not to mention a mean left. 

Oh, Crackie! How we could have used your spanking talents when Slurry's kids were running amok! Don't let it go to waste again. Take a swing at the producers next time and wake them up into writing some decent scenarios. I am nodding off over here!

*Yawn* 

I swear the dog fell off the bed while we were watching. The thud almost drowned out the other dog's snores.

Too Fabulous To Walk Upright

I know how much all of you love Lady GaGa, so this is for you!

Here's the link if it's not playing-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=W_MkPWF8LE8

Someone Got A Facelift

I noticed this while I was getting my screen grabs today. It's really obvious, no? 
Pre- facelift:

And post- facelift:

Her face is so pulled she looks like Jennifer Coolidge now! Only not half as cool. And will someone PLEASE teach her how to draw on her eyebrows?

Caption The Housewife, Awkward Pose Edition

Here's Stretch randomly posing in front of stores. Damn, those are some long arms! She could knuckle drag with Jersey's finest!

Okay, it's really the grand opening of some salon called Longtime Liner Conture. Yes, they spelled contour wrong IN THEIR NAME. Don't you just love the dumbing down of the English language?

Guess What I Did Today

Here's a hint-

Yeah, I golfed. Don't ask me what I shot because I don't care. It was almost 80 today and that's good enough to convince me that cold weather is gone, though some people only just got the memo.

Seriously, they waited until April to take down their Christmas decorations. Get with it! All the best tacky people already have their giant rabbits in the front yard and trees laden with pastel plastic eggs.

On closer inspection I notice that they have a box of fireworks in the back. Huh? Is that for a Christmas in July party? You know, because we don't get enough Winter weather around here. We like to relive it all year long.

Now I'm going to watch The Masters and pray for Tiger to win. If he does, you can be sure he's back riding the white trash waitresses again. YAY

I almost forgot, Froggy's back! While we were cleaning up the garden this afternoon, we noticed that he crawled out of the pond's intake valve to sun himself on a mossy rock. I bought a little crown for him. I hope he likes it, and when I kiss him he better turn into Prince. PRE- artist formerly known as.

  

I Found My New Diet

Who's with me?

Caption The Housewife, Murder By Decor Edition

I like to refer to it as the Disco Howard Johnsons of apartments. Your turn.

But I'm sure that I'm just being jillous.