Saturday, April 2, 2011

Eff You, Snow Miser!

He must really, really like us this year. He just won't leave! It seems to be never ending at this point. I took the above picture back on March 5th. Guess what? That snowpocalyptic ski hill from behind Target in University Heights? It's STILL THERE. It has shrunk maybe six feet all the way around but it's still there. God knows how many other shopping carts are hidden in there, and there's an elementary school nearby so I won't be surprised if they pull an entire Boy Scout troupe of frozen snot nosed third graders out of the pile in May. 

And yes, I believe that the snow mountain will still be there in May. Hell, it might still be there in JUNE if this year is anything to go by.

On My Walk This Morning..

I spotted some beautiful Helleborus poking through last Fall's leaves. And I had a full belly, compliments of the crab cake eggs Benedict at the Inn on Coventry. I highly recommend it. They put red peppers in their Hollandaise and it is mind blowingly good.

TGIF With A Good Little Soldier

Sorry I forgot to put this up yesterday. I was too busy being blonde.

Caption The Housewife, Teen Zarinmonster Edition

What do you suppose her activities were? Other than gossiping and back stabbing, of course.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Caption The Felon, Juicy Schmoe Edition

Here's old Juicy looking like the handsome monkey humper he is! How many years do you think he'll get for fraudulently obtaining his license? I'm starting to think he's doing this crap on purpose so he can finally get away from Tree and indulge in the love that dare not speak it's name. Too bad Miss Andy's not in jail!
Pic courtesy of Radar Online via Terry Aley's twitter. He has a great blog too!

Outrageous Kid's Parties!

First of all, TLC needs to change the name of their network or stop showing pure unadulterated trash like this! A $12,000 party for your hillbilly trash kid? What the? Save that money and get this kid some braces and an elocution coach. 

Second of all, who in the fuck names their kid 'Aniston?'  Angelina Jolie haters, I presume? I wish I hadn't seen this. It makes me stabby. 

By the way, that girl is retarded. I've got ten year old shoes with more brains.
Here's the link if the video wasn't working- here

Boil The Bags

Why didn't they just call this show Cooking For Dummies, or skipped the cooking premise altogether and follow Elsa as she drinks her way through Miami-Dade and Broward counties? Half these women barely tolerate the other half and as for Phillipe and his boil-a-bag salmon? If I want something nasty and fishy, I'll go read Goop.

Once again, what you didn't miss on Real Housewives of Miami, after the jump.

Caption The Housewife, Beverly Hills Kumquats Edition

Hey, Kyle! Nice underarm labia!

A bonus Kelly tweet for the Bronx cobra that never actually went missing in the first place. Dun DUN.

Thursday, March 31, 2011


I am not used to eating a lot of sweets. I LOVE chocolate but I restrict myself to one square of awesome orange infused organic hippie shit or one freaking Hershey Kiss. Last night I ate the piece of chocolate cake (and acoutrements above) and you would think I ate an entire Entenmann's triple layer monster 3 pound yule log. My body rejected it like a bad kidney transplant and I threw up for the first time in years. It was as if my mouth was Cameel's ass. :(

It was delicious, though. So I'll probably do it again. 
Thank you, Chocolate Bar!

Caption The Housewife, Clitoria Edition

I'm switching things up and doing a plant this time. It's more interesting than these bitches anyway!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mob Wives

I saw this on Stoopid Housewives site and had to share:

Mob Wives |Full Episodes |Reality Shows |TV Shows
I don't know about you but I'm going to at least give it a shot. I'll watch the first episode just to count how many times they bleep these feral hos and their trashy mouths! EPIC.

Premieres April 17th on VH1, the epicenter of crap television!

Fancy Bonnet Faux Pas

I swear, doctor, I didn't know it was going to be glued glued, ya know? Besides, the Exstacy had already kicked in and I was kinda in a rush.

Thanks, PC, lol!

Caption The Housewife, Jersey Chasing Hootchie Mama Edition

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Penguins Skating Into The Locker Room After The Win

It's pretty loud but I have to give Mr. McSlore so much credit for doing this for me. He got everybody. The entire day was awesome, even me getting lost downtown. Totally worth it!

Patrice O'Neal Has A White Baby On A Key Chain

This showed up on a Reddit link today. Yes, I'm addicted to Reddit. Don't hate. At least it's not more Bravo bullshit! Be thankful for that!

It's funny how the truth gets the most laughs, no? Bloody Hell, this guy is funny.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: The Many Faces Of A Crackie

Yep, that's pretty much the extent of what was entertaining about this episode, Crackie's facial expressions. Why, she's the Jim Carey of Coto de Caca! Maybe she should give up the insurance biz and open up a pet detective agency.

God knows she's good at finding dogs!

Caption The Housewife, Bunny Bath Edition

Holy crap, Jeana was a hot bitch! Why is she here since she's no longer a regular on the show? Because it's a freaking snoozefest without her and her dysfunctional brood. 
Do you think Shane likes older (wo)men?

Sunday, March 27, 2011

My Orchid

I posted all those gorgeous photos of orchids yesterday and completely forgot ours. She's a beauty and the first I've ever gotten to bloom twice. There was nothing even remotely like it at the Botanical Gardens, which either means it's super rare or insanely common. Since I got it at Fresh Market, I'm going to go with the latter.

Caption The Housewife, Little Darlings Edition

I'm making you guess who this one is!