Friday, June 26, 2009


I am not a fan of dreadlocks. They are super skeevy and ugly as hell. Flies are probably laying eggs on that dude's head as we speak and I bet they reek of ganga and curry. Blech.
So, I thought this guy's were out of control-HA!
Wtfholyshitspankmeandcallmemary!!! How does he not drive over those things? Is he just a big Cousin Itt fan or is he purposely trying not to get laid? In that case, success!

Lots of Fail

Thanks, Jill.

Lil Duval Is A Genius

And if you're a struggling comedian in these cash strapped times you may as well go for the joke instead of wasting your money on meaningless bling.

Plus, it totally put a smile on my face.

No Wonder Kathy's Mom Drinks

This goes out to Mark and Jeff in Chicago, you whooooores!!!

Favorite Bonnaroo Graffitti

I put Michael on top for obvious reasons.

Why Can't I Get A Good Picture of Snoop?

Because the minute he came out on stage everyone lit up.

Bubbles At Bonnaroo and Farrah's Gravity Defying Nipples

Palate cleanse.

Crack Is Whack, Bonnaroo Style

As are butt flaps.
I'm all for nudity, but when you are smashed in with over 70,000 people for four days you really don't need this in your face or rubbing on you in a crowded tent. That said, I still took pictures so I'm an asshole for subjecting all of you to it as well.
Especially enjoy the ass crack/back hair combo in the first pic.

DB1 OWNS Perez Hilton

I hate even posting about that asshole Perez but the blogger of Hot Chicks With Douchebags wrote the best verbal smack-down that I've read in a while.

In case you didn't know, Perez called Will.I.Am a "fucking faggot" and got punched in the head by The Black Eyed Peas' manager. He is making a huge stink about his barely there booboos and is even sueing like the punk ass bitch momma's boy that he is. Take your knocks and walk it off, loser!
Here's DB1's take:

For wasting the collective world's attention on inanity and purile poo, I'm giving a long overdue honorary Douchebag of the Month to ass pimple, blogger and whiny drama queen Perez Hilton.Normally I don't target the gaybags for the simple fact that it is those who douche it up to get the hotts that rankle me.

But for the fact that, despite all attempts to filter any and all knowledge of this Perez Hilton character from my brain, I still know that he got into a fight with William of the Black Eyed Peas last night, pisses me the hell off.After someone emailed me this whining testimonal, it was time to give out an award to this preening, vacuous waste of space.Do I care if Mr. Peas punched first? Do I care that you drew a penis mouth on Lindsey Lohan for the 400th consecutive day in a row?Hedda Hopper called. She says you suck.

You are Warholian superstar pastiche without the self awareness. You are dim echo of 1980s gay counterculture, reprocessed and defanged as a slightly edgier version of the typical host on "E!" You make Michael Musto look like Oscar Wilde.

All the Lohans and Parises and Jessica Simpsons of the world, penises drawn on their faces, will never bring you comfort, Mr. Hilton. Your successful spew is still the spew of 57 websites and nothing on. Except penises drawn on Lindsey Lohan.I may only make fun of Hot Chicks and Douchebags in my little corner of the simulacrum. But at least when I get into fights, I don't think the world needs to know about every detail.

You have become what you beheld, and no amount of ironic name moniker will save you from the fact you are driftwood monkey poo on a sea of crystalline narcissism and overhyped redundancies.Take your blank page and fill it with the latest starlet drama.

Repeat it enough times and the noise will be loud and fame enhanced. But it's simply a feedback loop of white-noise douchosity. Clown.Now get off my internets and go back to penis drawing.

Too Soon?

I love corny CSI red headed dude bad pun jokes. Forgive me.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I will be doing a lot of Bonnaroo posts in the next few days, sharing the pictures of bands and people that I took during one of the best weekends of my life. Let's have some positivity and fun in the next few days. We all need it, right?

Love you all, wish that you could have been there with me.
And yes, all these photos were taken by yours truly, not a news source, just little old me.

Michael Jackson Dead At 50

When I first heard that he was rushed to the hospital I thought that he was faking an illness to get out of his contract with London's O2 Arena. There was something in his contract that said that if he had an illness he could keep his advance and be let out of his concert obligations. Well, I was wrong, he has died. It's sad because I have so many mixed emotions about the guy. He probably abused kids, he no doubt had a shitty childhood and he produced music that will be around forever. There is no way to be happy about this and there's no way to overlook his behaviour. Allegedly.
I feel bad for his kids, how can you not? Who is going to take care of them? I hope that he made some decent moves in his will on their part. Please don't let them end up with LaToya or their grandparents.
This sucks.
I hate two death posts in one day.

What's Wrong With This Picture?


No, the lady in the back is not peeing into the potted plant.

Yes, it is very wrong to cheat on your spouse but that's not why this picture is so fucked up.

Keep in mind that this is Fox News. *cough, cough* Sorry, calling it 'news' is a gross exaggeration.

Look at his description.

A little something in parentheses.

Here's your asnswer:

He is NOT a Democrat. Nice try, Fox assholes. Sorry to burst your bubble but Republicans cheat too.

Is That A Ham In Your Pocket?

I realize that some men can be pigs but holy smokies!

Found at WOW, courtesy of James St. James

R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett

The iconic seventies sex kitten has passed away at the age of 62. She was the Britney of her time, not the brightest bulb but you either wanted to fuck her or be her. Or just be blessed with a mane of hair like hers.
I know that she got a little kookie in her older years and she should have gotten a better plastic surgeon but in her heyday no one could touch her. She also did a fantastic job in "The Burning Bed" and proved to the entire world that she really could act.
Here are the Angels dancing around all cheescakey and shit.

Chelsea Takes On The Housewives

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Oops, I Did It Again

Another Daisy of Love recap. Click on the link to read my take on this week's trainwreck.

Winston Is His Own Man

I love this cat, he looks like Winston Churchill and he's a complete curmudgeon.

The Future of Dating

There's a larger picture here:

A Woman After My Own Heart

I seem to have sex on the brain today.

A Red Carpet Joke

You evil, evil queen, you!
I admit it, I laughed.

A little background; it was the Transformers premiere and La Lohan arrived halfway through the movie. Klassy.

The New Super Seven Incher

I'm just going to sit here and tap my fingers in the table, counting down the seconds until there's a moral majority protest. It shouldn't take long.
By the way, I get mine for free.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm a Carnivore, Therefore Awesome

There's a support group for everything.

Happy Belated Father's Day

I don't have one of those anymore, but I raise my glass to all of you great Dads and Grandfathers out there. So does Dexter.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Hossa Photoshops

For those of you that don't follow hockey, Marian Hossa left the Penguins last here to join the Red Wings because he felt that the Pens didn't stand a chance. Well, we all know how that turned out, the Penguins won game 7 in dramatic fashion and brought The Stanley Cup back to Pittsburgh.

The Pensblog has been receiving Hossa photoshops for a while now but waited until Saturday to put them up and they're pretty funny. I especially like the Geico one, above.

Here's the link:

Triumph At Bonnaroo Part II

This one is even funnier. Max Weinberg gets total props too.

Triumph At Bonnaroo

The people at Bonnaroo this year weren't as stinky as last year because it wasn't nearly as hot, so Triumph got off easy. The cool thing about this video he made for Conan is that everyone is either stoned or drunk and will therefore laugh at anything, even themselves.

Obama is a Nerd and John Hodgeman is Hilarious