Saturday, December 13, 2008

Hockey Tushies

Cuz I like big butts, that's why.

Hockey players are the single most under-rated sex symbols on the planet. After drag queens, of course.

Where's Steve?

Love this commercial.

Keepin' it Klassy Part III

And I'm sure that there will be a part 4 & 5 & 6, that's pretty much a given.

Here's Pamela Anderson doing that magic show stuff that she does which I assume is impossible for her to do with pants on. Love you, Pammie! Keep it up!

Friday, December 12, 2008

What's That in Your Hand, Kate?

No! Could it be? Really?? Well, if anyone can bring back poppers it's probably Kate Moss. It's so 80s of her!

It's Going to Be a Good Night to Lie on Your Back...

and gaze at the sky. What did you think I was going to say? Perverts.

The moon is going to be its closest to the earth tonight so when it rises it will appear super huge. Let's just hope it will be clear wherever you are, I'm pretty sure it won't be here in Cleveland. I don't think that I've seen the sun all week.

Bye Bye Bettie

As expected, Bettie Page has died of pneumonia in an L.A. hospital at the age of 85. I have so much love and respect for this woman, did you know that she had a Bachelor of Arts degree? Me neither. She was the bondage queen but she did it in such a flirty, innocent way that it looks kind of quaint to me compared with all the hardcore stuff that is out there now. The fact that gets 20 million hits a month proves that she will remain an American icon for many years to come. And I love the fact that she will be buried in Westwood Cemetery only a few feet from that other early Playboy icon, Marilyn Monroe.

Sports Quickies

Do the Pens have to score all their points in one game? The last time they scored this many goals was 2001 but they managed to beat the Islanders 9-2. Petr Sykora finally gets that hat trick he's been waiting his whole life for, Dupuis gets one too, Bears beat the Saints 27-24, the Celtics are 21-2, and terrell Owens is a paranoid little bitch who thinks that Tony Romo is out to get him. That dude has more estrogen than I do.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Poo Can Cure You

There's an article on about curing digestive tract diseases like C.diff infections by putting a tube down the patient's nose that has fecal matter from another person with healthy bacteria in their bowel movements. The poo makes its way through the digestive system and infuses the sick intestines with healthy butt mud and voila! 85% of people who have gotten this done were cured.

Can you imagine the first person that they tried this on? You're going to put what down my what?? How do you not hurl? And hurl spectacularly. And the scats rejoice...

Santa Babies

Your daily cuteness!

Creepy Old Man Magnet

I can't remember when it started but I've always seemed to be the perfect type for leering older men. I could be in Antarctica studying penguin mating habits and some weird old professor would probably track me down and make my life miserable.

Anyway, I'm standing in our local upscale grocery's check out line when I notice that behind me there's some dude 20 years older than god giving me this really wide pervy smile. He's fit, he's wearing jeans and a sweater probably designed to make him appear hip with the younger cats out there, but still obviously an older douchebag.

So he leans into me with that Polident toothiness and whispers, "I really like your hair."

I say thanks and for a moment contemplate leaving it at that but he continues to eye me like a complete fruitcake so I grab a few strands and I say, "You know, it's getting pretty long, doncha think?" Then I look him right in the eye, lean in and whisper, "And they say all lesbians have short hair, hee hee."

He backed away immediately.

The Culkin Clan Just Got Smaller

How weird. Macauley's 29 year old sister Dakota stepped off a curb in Los Angeles and right into the path of a moving car yesterday afternoon. I wonder if she was wearing an ipod. The kids in my neighborhood almost get hit by cars every day because they're lost in their own little ipod world. She died of massive head wounds and the driver that hit her wasn't under the influence. Sad.

I Could Spend Hours in Here

So I'm off to Big Fun in Coventry Village to shop for Christmas. They have tons of antique toys and novelty stuff like boob shaped glasses and gag Dubya dolls. If the store owner has found a Bugs Bunny in drag figurine I WILL DIE!!

Wish me luck!

Hits of the Week

Pittsburgh is in there 3 times and the number one hit by Brooks Orpik is unbeleivably not fatal. Spezza just gets right up and smiles. I think he was still woozy or maybe INSANE. He did score a hat trick that night. I hate their jerseys, though. They are all kinds of super ugly and not creative at all, like someone designed them using graphics software from the nineties.

Golden Globe Nominations Announced

No real surprises here but it is kind of strange that both Brad and Angelina Jolie are nominated. What if angie wins and Brad doesn't? Or the other way around? Will she cut off his other ball?

Celine, Your Dress is too Short

But at least you wear panties.

Christies Is Recession-Proof

I don't want to turn this into an auction blog but when a diamond sells for $24.3 million, I simply must post a picture of it.

This is the Wittelsbach rare blue diamond. It is 35.56 carats and was sold at auction house Christies to diamond dealer Laurence Graff. Once upon a time it belonged to the Infanta Margarita Teresa who received it from her father King Philip IV of Spain on her wedding day.

Elizabeth Taylor is in her wheelchair drooling right now. And for once it's not because of her medication.

Sports Quickies

Carmelo Anthony tied a 30 year old record by scoring 33 points in one quarter, The Cavs win their 10th in a row 101-93 over the Sixers, C.C. Sabathia will be a Yankee next year for a reported $161 million over 7 years, the Heisman finalists are Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow, and the Pens still keep stinking up the ice.
And here are Lebron's seven dunks against the Raptors.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It Truly is the Year of the Dog

From the puppy cam to the puppy who saved his friend on the highway to the 3 year old saved by the family pets, it has been a heartwarming year of doggy-do-gooding. All hail our canine friends!

Are Auctions Becoming a Sign of the Times?

It's no secret that Michael Jackson has financial (I almost wrote facial, ha!) problems, but I have to wonder what, if anything, he's going to have left after this? He is auctioning off everything from the artwork he has bought to the famous white Thriller glove. I am assuming that this is a desperation move because this guy is all about acquiring and holding on to things as long as possible. And talk about bad timing! We're in a recession, obviously, and most people believe that he's a pedophile, and who wants a pervert's belongings?

We'll see how much he raises in the Spring when it all goes down. There are probably still some crazy super fans left. Hopefully they have deep pockets.

Don't Eat Shark Fin Soup!

Who could have guessed that we'd be on the brink of the extinction of certain species of sharks?! Well, that is exactly what is happening because of the exploding Chinese economy and it's burgeoning middle class.

Don't forget, the shark has been on this planet for millions of years, they roamed the oceans before Dinosaurs walked the earth and the ecosystem of our oceans depend upon this predator to stay in balance. So why were 100 million of them killed in the last year alone? For $500 a pound, that's why.

It's a win-win for the fisherman because all they need is the fin so they just throw the rest of the shark carcass overboard plus they are making a killing because the soup that is made from the fin is considered a delicacy that more and more Chinese can afford.

Do you know how many of us humans get killed by sharks every year? 10. Maybe they should start killing more people. Chinese people.

Another Fabulous Auction

Christies in Paris will be holding an auction in February of the belongings Yves Saint Laurent amassed in his storied career as one of the world's top fashion designers. This is going to be massive. Just look at the room above. Pierre Berge is about to become a very rich man or should I say, an even richer one?

Here's the Vanity Fair article with more pictures:

Princess Leia on the Today Show

Another great gift idea, Carrie Fisher's new book!

It's Valentino and Matteo

People magazine is coming out with an issue on Friday with the first pictures of Ricky Martin and his twins. Here's one of the things he had to say about raising them:

What is your philosophy on raising your sons?
I read to them, I tell them stories, I play music for them so they develop their own personalities. I want to give them information and answer all their questions with honesty and truth. I believe it's very important to raise them with a lot of honesty and acceptance.

Does this mean that he's going to come out like Clay Aiken did? Probably not. He's up in that closet farther than the kids in Narnia.

Look Who Got a Star

It's so cute to see Keifer Sutherland and his dad Donald together, they look so happy and loving like a father and son should look. Like, they hang out on weekends skeet shooting and having long conversations about the complexities of life, sharing deep, personal secrets and then bonding over steaks they grilled with dad's famous marinade.

Enough of that, will someone please give a star to Spaghetti Cat or Joel McHale???!!!

The I Love My Gays Post

That's Liza pedalling away on some crazy bike that powers a Times Square Christmas ad. She looks amazing. She is the original comeback kid.

And that's Liz out and about in West Hollywood where she stopped by The Abbey to hang out with her gays. I'm going to guess that she's on some pretty good meds to be looking that happy.

Have they ever done anything together? They totally should, even if La Taylor has to act from a wheelchair.

Japanese Trailer for Terminator Salvation

John Connor is back, bitches!


The more details that come out abou the crash inSan Diego, the sadder it gets. He lost everything and he'd only lived there a very short time. And to lose your spouse and two babies under the age of two? I'd be in the loony bin, no joke.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Ice Skating at the Eiffel Tower

I need new skates. And a local rink with a mirror ball and Donna Summer on the sound system.

The "Doubt" Trailer

I'm not sure how I feel about this one. If you watched the trailer you realize that it's about a Preist who is falsely accused of molesting a 12 year old boy. I have to question the idea of making a film about a priest who didn't do it when so many have ruined lives, and to cage it by making the boy black and Meryl Streep a colossal bitch. I'm sure that it is very well acted and written, blah blah blah, but how about a film where someone who went through the very real horror of the Catholic church's "don't ask, don't tell" policy? Those people need their stories told too.

Jeff Garcia Gets Outed by Tony Kornheiser

Wow. Did I just hear what I think I heard? And if he really does love dating hot quarterbacks, does his Playmate wife love the gash-lashing? I need to know this, people.

Yet Another One Bites the Dust

They are going to stop making Polaroid film by the end of the year. That's right, digital is steadily gobbling up all "lesser" forms of photography. I mean I love digital but it would be nice to have a polaroid around because the pictures are so spontaneous and it's fun to wait around to see how wacky they turn out. (Case in point, the photo above of my friends Billy and Kathy posed next to their designs at Kent State in the 80s)

They used to be a mainstay in fashion photography but now most cameras are hooked up to a laptop for instant viewing. God, I'm old.

Bob Spiers Dead at 63

The legendary British director died at his home in Acapulco of undisclosed causes. He directed one of my favorite shows of all time, Absolutely Fabulous, plus Fawlty Towers, Are You Being Served and The Young Ones. So we can all forgive him for the abortion that was "Spice World." Reast in Peace, funny man.

I Thought I'd Never Say This

But today I am proud to be a Clevelander. The city council has approved a domestic partnership agreement giving same sex couples the same benefits as us breeders. (Of course, we in Cleveland Hghts being the uber-liberals that we are, already beat them to it)

Puppy Heroes

This is the cutest story evah. A three year old wandered away from his house while his babysitter was busy not doing her job. Lucky for him, the family's two puppies went along for the adventure in the 17 degree weather and kept him alive with their warmth.
This is why half my friends love animals more than people.

Transformer Owl

Cute animal, yay! Made even funnier because I don't speak a word of Japanese so I have to interpret solely on inflection.

A Plane That's Too Quiet?

Pilots of the new Airbus A380 say that they can't get to sleep on their breaks because they can hear everything that is going on in the cabin. The 4 engines are so quiet that you can hear conversations that are going on several rows behind you, good if you're an eavesdropper, bad if you are next to obnoxious people who won't stfu. So now they have to spend more money to put in an ambient noise system which will surely be passed on to you, the consumer.

Yeah right, like I know anyone who can afford to fly on an Airbus.

Monday, December 8, 2008

A Christmas Story

Most of this film was shot in Cleveland, not Indiana where it is supposed to take place. The house that Ralphie and family were filmed living in was bought by an entrepreneur on ebay and turned into a museum that is mecca for fans of this 25 year old movie. He also sells 10,000 replicas every year of the leg lamp made famous in the clip below.
Another gift idea?

This Doesn't Look Good

A military fighter jet crashed into a residential neighborhood in San Diego just an hour ago, and I hope everyone on the ground is okay. The pilot successfully ejected but several houses are ablaze, I hope they all have jobs and were out of their homes at the time.

And in other sadness, RIP John Lennon. 28 years today.
UPDATE: At least 2 people are dead and 2 homes destroyed.

Vinnie Jones Beat-Down Cam

For your viewing pleasure, watch former footballer/thug, "Snatch" tough guy, and all-around regular bloke Vinnie Jones get hit in the face with a beer mug then proceed to beat the crap out of anyone who comes near him. Did I mention he was drunk? I didn't? That's because I'm sure it had NOTHING to do with any of this.
Oh, and check out the guy in the old Pens jersey, trying to break it up. What's the matter with him? What kind of hockey fan BREAKS UP FIGHTS?!

Bruns-tucky, Ohio Makes the National News for Being Cheap

I know how the city can save money! We'll blow it up!

First Joe the plumber, now this. On the behalf of decent Ohioans, I apologize.

Keepin' it Klassy, Part II

HepC McLeprosy is still classin' up Art Basel in Miami.
Beauty, almost ethereal in nature, poise a Vanderbilt would envy, and make-up application done by fairies kissed by Jesus.

Angels weep at the sight of her. No. Seriously. They do.

The Soup's kick Ass Clip of the Week

Why don't more boys wear thongs? Why mommy, why?

Puppy Art

Click on the link to Billy's blog to read the interview with artist James Vance and to see the other amazing sculptures. True genius.

Only in Japan

How long before Louis Vuitton starts making these? And every celebutard starts carrying one.

File This Under: Holy Crap!!!

This is the new oceanliner Oculus, a 250 foot behemoth of luxury and style. If you have to ask how much, that's right, you can't afford it.

It has 12 foot ceilings and travels at speeds up to 25 knots. It sleeps 12 but I have a feeling, call it a hunch, that you could fit most of the state if Rhode Island in there.

Gaze, and dream.

Why Have I Never Heard of Her Before?

Donyale Luna. Gorgeous. The first black model on the cover of British Vogue, she had a part in Fellini's Satyricon and was a member of Andy Warhol's factory scene for a while. She died of a drug overdose in Rome in 1979. Look at that neck ! Those eyes! Some one needs to do a book of her photographs or a fan website or something because she is flawless.

Coming Along Swimmingly

Here is the latest picture off of the construction cam of the new igloo in Pittsburgh. It will hold 18,087. Do you think that's an accident? 18 thousand and 87??!!

You Taste Like Ass, Romo

Wow. What a game. I was rolling on the floor, grabbing the puppy, screeching and gasping. I couldn't find any pictures of Mike Tomlin jumping up and down like a kid at Christmas so we'll have to make do with a Romo sack (looove the hands flailing). Harrison, Polamalu, and Deshea Townsend all had stellar games, the D is still ranked no.1 in all catagories except tackles and ints, and T.O. threw a hissy fit after Deshea scored at the last minute on his big interception. This game had everything, except Romo's girlfriend Jessica Simpson, but that's not a bad thing.

And then I slept like a baby.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Jizz in My Pants

Michael K from Dlisted posted the Youtube version of this song and since it is an SNL short, you know that NBC will be taking that shit down any minute. Here's the video from the official website.
What I want to know is, when is it going to be on itunes? I have to have it!

Never Ending Pot of Gold...

Thy name is Marilyn Monroe.

Christies is hosting an auction December 16-17th of over 100 photographs of the iconic actress that should fetch over $1 million. There will be images by Andre de Dienes, Bert Stern and Richard Avedon spanning her entire career from the collection of New York couple Leon and Michaela Constantiner. There are also other photos of some naked bitches like Kate Moss and Charlotte Rampling, meh. Who is going to buy pictures of Moss's raisin nipples when they could have a one of a kind Marilyn Monroe? Her stuff is just going to get rarer and rarer, while Kate's nekkid ass can be downloaded any day of the week.

Boy George on Weekend Update

SNL is still not quite up to the heights of hilarity it scaled during the election, but this bit was silly enough for a giggle, and Amy Poehler's back! Let's hope she gets better material so she'll stick around.

When Did This Happen?

I knew the Cavs were good this year but I guess I wasn't really paying attention. Been watching too much Hockey and football, no doubt. So, behind my back they go and rack up a 17-3 record, winning the last 8 by at least 12 points. Lebron doesn't even need to play out the whole game anymore, that's how good the team is this year.

Congrats to James who tied Mark Price for the franchise's most steals, with 734.

Happy Birthday T. O.

Here's hoping you got some ass last night when you were celebrating your 35th because yours is gonna get kicked today.

Steelers play the Cowboys at 4:15 at Heinz Field.

Keepin' it Klassy

Because that's what our Pammie is all about, CLASS! And understated elegance. And appropriate attire. And enviable taste. I mean, show up to an important art exhibit like Art Basel in Miami Beach in just panties and a tshirt?! Whatever do you mean? Perish the thought! Well, I never!!