Saturday, May 28, 2011


Gee, I wonder what they were up to that night. It's so weird. Christina Aguilera used to always look so perfect, especially the lipstick. I fear she's headed for her own little post-divorce, apres Disney tween stardom breakdown, and she needs to lose that boyfriend. What does this Mathew Rutler person DO anyway? Does anyone know?

Your Saturday Morning Gross Out

Ah, yes. Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifikagackinickanack and Will Ferrell.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

A programming note: I will be combining two episodes in each recap this week in an effort to catch up, with the exception of New York. So, have a great weekend, eat barbecue, hang out with people you like, get drunk and shoot fireworks at the neighbours. Just don't face-fuck any frogs. That's just nasty.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Caption The Housewife, Moving On Edition

He's moving on, all right. Moving on from trailer trash to normal, which is a huge improvement, if you ask me. I think the whole situation with Tammy Sue Bob has aged him, which is too bad. But at least he doesn't wake up next to old Tits for Brains anymore. I bet this girl even makes her own coffee!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Spring Into Summer

This time of year makes me think about a few things. First of all there's no chance of snow anymore, HA. Then I start getting nostalgic and remember all those end of school parties I used to go to when I was a teen. We would sneak out, get an older sibling to buy beer, and hit the house where a party was brewing while the parents were out of town. 

Getting a buzz on and giggling with your girls while the oh-so-cool boys stand nearby, their cigarette smoke wafting into your nostrils. Everyone assumed that everyone else was more confident, experienced and worldly. You would stick with your buddies as your armor against the mean kids, or the random asshole that hated you for no good reason. Insecurity ran rampant, but you still took risks. Sometimes for attention, and sometimes to prove that you had the guts. Sometimes the only true ego boost was found in making people laugh or having the good sense to bring the latest Van Halen or Pat Benatar album to the party that you bought with your babysitting money or tips from weekend shifts at the pancake house. 

It's easy to forget that we were hot back then and we didn't even know it! Okay, I kind of knew that I was. I walked into malls and got accosted by enough 'modeling scouts' to know that I was prettier than most, but I was skinny in a time when skinny was not hot. All my friends blossomed earlier than me, perky breasted and round of hip. That was the currency back then, looking like a woman. Now it's a weird amalgamation of slender childish bodies and implanted tits and ass. This ideal has nothing to do with reality or individualism. It has everything to do with the implied standards that pop culture throws at people. I would be okay with it if these standards were health and the beauty that comes from being fit, but it isn't. 

We didn't know how good we had it, and if you are young and you are reading this, stop. Stop holding yourself up to standards that are fake and meant to keep you from concentrating on what is inside you. Absolutely no one is perfect and absolutely no one has the right to judge. You can rise above. For example, I did pretty well modeling, and this is me in high school, frizzy hair, crooked teeth and all.

Real housewives of New York City Recap: Hugs to Thugs

So, THAT'S who the thug in the cocktail dress is! I had a feeling it was LuLu, with all her aggressive behaviour towards Ramona. We have talked about how she stands over the poor woman trying to intimidate with her much larger size and glamazon height. Well, this week it got even worse! I think she's still pissed about what Mario said in the Hamptons last year, the whole 'countless' remark that drove her nutty with righteous indignation. I am pretty righteously indignant myself, just for different reasons.

Stop trying to make Ramona look like an alcoholic!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Caption The Housewife, Freak! Edition

Blonde is NOT working for this kid. Can you even tell who it is? Find out after the jump.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Grace Kelly Barbie

Oh dear. Must have.

I have a very small collection of Barbies. Star Trek (geek), Britney in her 'Oops, I did it Again' outfit, and Cher, to name a few. This new one of Grace Kelly from To Catch A Theif? I'm apoplectic! It is gorgeous! 

When I was little, I wanted to be her, or Joan Fontaine from Rebecca. Was obsessed. Still am.

That Danvers bitch. She got what she deserved.

Bonus Kitty gif for Chemgal after the jump.