Friday, October 16, 2009

I Love Tim Gunn

Like Tim Gunn I also love the English language, I could read all day long and I did as a kid, especially on the weekend. Nowadays (is that even a word?!) I read crap online, go to the library every week and read subtitles on foreign porn videos I find on Xtube and Fleshbot. So I'm international too!
I also have to admit that Crocs come in really handy at music festivals and early in the morning when you are half awake picking up dog poop. Other than that, I don't subject anyone in the public to the spectacle of me walking around in them. Wellingtons, on the other hand.....

More Real Housewives of Late Night

"Where I'm from, the butt is for turds, not words."

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Bastard Son of the Lord

This is a website that goes all the way back to ancient times, aka 1995. I did not have a computer until 1997 (?) and missed this nutty early blog where some guy answers questions as if he were the son of God in modern times, a Jesus who loves boobies.
P.S. Do you love the old Microsoft Paint picture he made of himself hanging out all groovy with his wounds and the cross and all? He's like, "It's all good, I got eternal life, brah! How cool is that?! heh, heh, heh." Jesus would have loved the doobies, you know it.

Example of the boobie love:

Wednesday, September 13, 1995 AD
Someone wrote me, and asked what I thought my Father's greatest creation was. I thought it was such a good question, that I'd answer it here. Hooters. Oh my god, hooters. No doubt Dad's crowning achievement. Honestly, I have to admit that when I visit earth in bodily form, I often bring with me a set of knockers like you wouldn't believe. Well, tomorrow's Friday. All the Jews will be sitting in dark rooms. Man, I'm glad I got outta that. --JC
The idea that dug up this gem was me asking my boyfriend what would happen if they used that new plasma knife that cauterizes wounds on my vajayjay? Would it close it up forever? That question reminded him of this post:
Man, it sucked... I was kinda getting it on with this chick, and I finally got her to let my hand into her pants, and I accidentally healed her "wound". She was not happy. And how do you apologize for something like that? --JC
I am very sorry if any of you are insulted by this but I find the entire concept to be hilarious. It was one of the first blogs and that's awesome in itself.

Men Have Their Own Padded Bra Now

I developed slowly but surely, no boobs at all until I was almost 14. The AA, A or B bras all had a wee bit of padding in them so that you had more shape. Thank God that I didn't make out with any boys until later when I had filled out a little or they would have been sorely disappointed with the size of my bust compared to how it looked with my junior Maidenform brassierre on.

Now, thanks to Calvin Klein, you can fool us too! They are calling it an "enhanced profile" but what it boils down to is a padded crotch that seperates your wang from your crotchal area and lifts it out like we girls do with our girls in our Miracle Bras. Yay technology! Somebody buy these and tell me if they work. Please. There is no way in hell that my boyfriend is going to do it.

I am totally going to Macys to find these this weekend. And try them on. I want a bulge too, dammit! Try and stop me.

Polaroid Is Coming Back

Billy took this one of me and Kath at Kent State. Notice the gorgeous job he did graffiti-ing the boom box. The 80s, dear God. I wish that I still had that feathered hat, though. And the really tight suit that I believe we found in the theater department's dumpster. Ah, youth. I'm lucky I didn't catch something from all the second hand stuff we wore back then.
So, here's the deal; Polaroid is bringing back the One Step camera which means they will start making film again next year. I have two cameras, the little one that uses sticker film and one of the last models they ever made. I hope that the reissue does really well so that they remake all the different kinds of film. I don't want to have to buy yet another camera.
But, halleluyah! Every time I have gone to a party and shared the pictures with everybody, or taken a photo of some little kid's Halloween costume that he gets to keep, it's been a huge hit. It's one of the ways I bribe people into liking me. Works real well becuase most people love to see pictures of themselves. Go figure.

James Blake and Flying Balls

Why does anyone continue to play tennis while Roger Federer is alive?
Fallback Position - James Blake
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An Energy Drink I Can Get Behind

Or in front of

Satanic Leaf Tailed Gecko

He's pretty cool but why did they have to put Satan in his name? What did he ever do to anybody?

Maybe he's an insurance adjuster at Geiko.


On the bright side, Al Franken is turning out to be a strong supporter of women, just like Biden.

Apology Form

A certain friend of mine who I've known since college is having man troubles. It seems that all he's meeting these days are flakes and clueless douchebags, guys who say one thing and then do another. We've all been there, right?

I would like to offer him the apology form. As soon as they start spouting excuses after showing up an hour late and then hit on the asshole you work with, just hand it to them and walk away. Or pour your drink on them.
Click on the image for a larger picture.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Goofiest Head Cover Ever

This is the golfer, 18 year old Ryo Ishikawa who played in the Presidents' Cup this past weekend. Tiger sank the winning putt, by the way. Shocker, I know.
This is his head cover. On second thought, it's not the goofiest, it's the most egocentric. I wonder if his mommy made it for him, or some deranged Japanese fangirl. He looks like a freaking muppet. A muppet with no package.

Keepin' it Klassy, Part XI

I didn't know that you could buy trash bags in pink!
Weeell, I'm just going to have to run my little ass right on over to Home Deep-Ho!

Hot Young Gay Man Makes Sense

Hopefully they don't send him off to one of those Christian reindoctrinization camps.
What geniuses those ungayers are. Put together a bunch of horny, blue balled teenage testosterone overloaded young gays and they will all start wanting pussy, right? Sure. I bet there's more hot gay sex there than all the downtown gyms in Manhattan combined.
Or so I've heard.

Nazi Germany In Color

Lots of gorgeous boys, all soon to die.
Christmas wreaths by a concentration camp oven? Don't even get me started on the Hydrangea..

Pink- very efficient at hiding blood stains.

Get ready to get your freak-out on. Definitely shiver inducing.