Saturday, July 4, 2009

Twin Midget Wrestlers Killed By Hookers

No, this isn't a new screenplay by Quentin Tarentino, it's true!

Moobs: Real Or Fake

Her's Adrien Brody at some stupid red carpet pose-a-thon in Germany or Bulgaria or a strip mall in Sherman Oaks, I don't really know. What I am confused by, though, is his moob cleavage. His arms are thin, his legs are thin yet his pecs are bursting out of his top. Implants? It just looks way too weird to me.
And the outfit? Atrocious. Is he trying to look like a hobo fisherman in the South of France circa 1955?

More Housewives Crap

These trashy women will not go away.
Geraldo At Large (minus Geraldo) interviewed the guy that wrote 'Cop Without A Badge' and he says the same old shit about Danielle/Beverly/Angela in his Joe Pesci voice. You cannot make this stuff up, folks. Escape from reality indeed.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Hitler Reacts To Micheal Jackson's Death

If you can stand the German language, watch this video. It's freaking hilarious.

"The September Issue" Trailer

A bitch is a bitch is a bitch is a bitch.

Nuclear Wintour is back and there's a famine in beauty.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Witness Protection

Shaquille O'Neal had his press conference today and he talked about joining the Cavs. What will his nick-name be? Witness protection or Terminal Tower, the name of one of the tallest buildings here in Cleveland?

He also pretended not to know who GM/former Cavalier Danny Ferry was, until he googled the two of them and came up with this gem:
Here's hoping he produces for the team and doesn't end up fucking Danny Ferry's decision to bring him aboard up the ass.

Come Vomit With Me

This is the part of the week when I remind you to feel free to read my latest shitty Daisy of Love recap. If you choose to accept this mission, feel free also to throw poo at your screen.

Bye Bye Mrs. Slocombe

Please, stop dying already! I'm over it! Sick of the rain and sick of the death.

I've probably seen every single episode of this show. I was a sucker for every member of the cast. Sadly, I don't think that any of them are alive anymore.
R.I.P. Mollie Sugden.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

R.I.P. Lady

The dog, not Bunny. That bitch will outlive us all!

My boyfriend's mama's dog died. She was a funny American Eskimo that got a little bit nutty when her first owner died and she was left to eat gravel in the driveway by the woman's uncaring son. She was lucky, though, because my mother-in-law treated her like a queen, taking her to the groomers and buying her special toys. Her bark was like nails on a chalkboard and she'd chew on your hands if you weren't giving her enough attention (it's a good thing that she didn't have many teeth) but she was a sweet puppy and I hope that she's chasing some Labradors in heaven right now, just like her mom would have wanted.

Ice Cream Cones Good

Washing hair, bad.

Mother Nature Is Pissed!

That must be the reason why she keeps pissing on us.
There's a huge empty planter on the back patio and it's more than half full of water, in one day. We were standing on the steps last night and this black cloud rolled in so fast that I didn't have time to get a picture of it. I swear that it resembled a giant sea turtle with a raised fist that was going to destroy us all because of the thousands of lobster traps they drown in every year.
It was the same at Bonnaroo, only it lasted for one short day.

I can't believe that I'm going to say this but I wish that it were 90 degrees so I can go to the damn beach for a change. We had better weather in April. Okay, I'll shut up now. At least it's not snowing. Now, watch it snow tomorrow. I wouldn't bat an eyelash.

Are You A Good Witch Or A Bad Witch, Mummy?

Having a mom like Helena Bonham Carter would be an absolute blast when you're a preschooler. Every day is dress-up day (albeit in some weird Raggedy Ann shit), your weird behaviour would be tolerated, probably even encouraged and there has to be some cool toys lying around when your dad is Tim Burton.

Then you get older, kids make fun of your mom for dressing like she stepped out of The Brother's Grimm and before you know it you're asking her to drop you off for school around the corner where no one can see you with her. Then you start telling your friends that you're really adopted or that she's the housekeeper and your parents are really a glamorous jet setting couple who are off in the South of France right now, thank you very much. Your mom will overhear these things and look at you wistfully, wishing for those days when you played Nightmare Before Christmas together and hung little skulls on the tree in December. Sigh.

Goodbye, Beautiful

Farrah's funeral.

This Is How I Got To Bonnaroo

Why even have special powers if you don't use them?

These are my Wellingtons, a must have for any festival that involves mud or possibly slipping and falling into some hippie's vomit.
I read that the celebrities at Glastonbury were sporting Jimmy Choo crocodile ones that cost $400 and they're not even real croc, they're croc embossed rubber.
Target, people. 25 bucks.

Very Impressed People

I am so glad that we didn't go V.I.P. this year. Number one: the price jumped to over $1200. Number two: none of our friends were. Number three: We had a blast down with the "everyday people" and unwashed masses while they could barely fill their extra special cordoned off bleachers. I'd rather sit next to diaper man any day. No one is dancing. No one is having any fun.

See what I mean? You can catch flies when you're dead, bitch.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Lego Amy Winehouse


And that guy posing beside her is seriously ack worthy.


Hello Kitty House

Lock up Kimora, some entrepreneur with a fetish for pink pussy just opened this cottage for business. It's in Taiwan and will probably be booked solid well into the next decade. How long before they start popping up State-side?

Wow, isn't that the cutest AK47 you've ever seen? Makes gangland killings all warm and fuzzy.

Another Great Real Housewives Parody

There is plenty of bad language, just to warn you if you have kids around.

Hard To Argue

I'm not an atheist but it's not like they don't have a point.

Stanley Cup Guy At Bonnaroo

Three things that I love came together in Manchester, Tennessee. The Penguins and Bonnaroo, and sports fanatics that will do anything for their team.
He probably stayed awake all night scrounging up aluminum foil and cardboard to make the thing so, I salute you, Real Man of Genius: Mr. Makeshift Stanley Cup at Bonnaroo Guy.

Skeeze The Day

This guy decided that since there were fewer port-o-nasties in Centeroo, he would take matters into his own hands and not have to miss a single second of Jimmy Buffet or Phish because he drank too much Miller Lite.

Yes, this too is what passes for creativity when you are stoned out of your gourd.

Bonnaroo Ran Out of Schedules

For whatever reason (not enough recycled paper, being greener than thou), Bonnaroo ran out of those little schedule books that they hand out when you first arrive. They kinda sucked this year anyway since there were no band descriptions. So, you've got to be creative.

They Keep Dropping Like Flies

He hit his head when his plane made a hard landing. This sounds like Natasha Richardson all over again, only without the talent.

Thanks, baby, for the picture