Saturday, December 6, 2008

It Only Took 28 Years

Sunny Von Bulow finally died today in a nursing home after 28 years in a coma. You remember Claus Von Bulow who allegedly tried to kill her twice but was aquitted on appeal with help by his lawyer Alan Dershowitz. Go rent "Reversal of Fortune." Jeremy Irons is perfectly creepy in it.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have two parties to go to. What?! Relax. Life is for the living!

Hotness Never Dies

This is sad. Notorious pin-up girl from the 50s, Bettie Page, is in critical condition in an L.A. hospital after suffering a heart attack on Tuesday. She spawned countless imitators and inspired many a masturbatory fantasy but has been a recluse for the last few decades.

Get well soon, I hate holiday obits.

In Hockey News...

Sean Avery got suspended 6 games for the "sloppy seconds" comment that I actually thought was funny, and Barry Melrose will return to ESPN on January 1st (yay!) after being booted from the Lightning coaching job after only 12 games. And Baby Briere of the Flyers will be out for a month with an undisclosed injury.

What is up with the undisclosed injury bullshit that has taken over the NHL? They never tell you anything and it pisses me off.

Super Cute Picture of the Day

Dave Chappell plays at an arcade with his son yesterday.

I had no idea that they made Converse All Stars with velcro closures.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Short on Cash?

Sell your eggs! Or your sperm, or your hair, or whatever you're not using this Christmas. Things have gotten so bad with the economy that people are doing just that to try to make ends meet. If you are in your 20s and have healthy eggs, you can make a sweet amount of cash, up to 7,000 bucks. Unfortunately for you boys, your sperm isn't as valuable. Which makes sense since you leave it EVERYWHERE. Like my hair, my back, the ceiling....

O J Gets Sentenced, Cries and Pleads Like a Little Bitch

Someone isn't very apologetic.
Kudos to Judge Glass, who I have heard nothing but good things about. I've heard conflicting reports about how many years in prison he is going to get, but at least 9 years before he's eligible for parole, a maximum of 33. I'll correct it if I'm wrong. Oh, and he's not getting bail pending an appeal. Nice.

Who Doesn't Want a Wunder Boner?!

Another great gift idea! Order while supplies last

When I Drop a Fairy, You Know I'm Only Getting Started..

An overwhelming smorgasbord of uplifting story-telling! One the kiddies will love! A true laugh riot!

Someone's Playing the Crying Game Today

The news is making me nostalgic this morning. As for this story, not in a good way. In sad court related news, Boy George was found guilty of false imprisonment of male escort Auden Carlsen and will no doubt face jail time. I know that he's a poofter but I think he's strong enough to handle it. I'd be super surprised to learn that their jails are anywhere near as violent as ours, so he'll probably be put on kitchen duty and complain of boredom and the crappy food and the lack of prostitutes.

I think this is all just a kinky situation gone wrong and that Norwegian ecsort is going to try to take his money in a civil suit. Just you wait and see.

Santa's Gmail Account

Thanks to Mandrake for this one.

Drag Queen Jewel Heist!

What a fabulous way to start my day. Just the thought of this amazing crime brings back memories of watching old John Waters movies with my friends and Divine with a gun in Female Trouble. (I couldn't find a decent picture or I would have posted it)

Anyway, CNN is reporting that 3 or 4 men, 2 of whom were dressed in drag, robbed Harry Winston in Paris of over $100 million in jewels. The Champs Elysees store was right around the corner from the police station. Their drag must have been pretty damn good because the store employees mistook them for clients when they first walked in.

I know that queens like their jewels, but damn! Someone make a movie about this immediately.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Best Goofy Rap Song Ever

I feel a cold coming on but this song always makes me feel better.

So Long, Sucka

In other court related news- O.J. Simpson will be sentenced tomorrow in a Nevada courtroom. He faces a minimum of 6 years in jail and a maximum of life for all the crap that went down in a Nevada hotel room over some allegedly stolen Simpson memorabilia. Looks like his bad Karma finally caught up with him.

Barbie Comes Out on Top

A federal judge in Los Angelos has ruled that the creator of the Bratz dolls, Carter Bryant, developed the idea for them while working for Mattel which makes Barbie. Oopsy. Now he can't make any more of them and they have to be off the shelves after the holiday season is over.

I never really liked them. I thought that they looked cheap and of poor quality. And I never bought one for any child. It was always Barbie. And my first Barbie wasn't even a Barbie, it was her mod cousin Francie who had smaller boobs and a Twiggy swinging London wardrobe. AND real eyelashes. AND she was twist-and-turn.

Now she's in a landfill somewhere.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

It's Wednesday, It's Business Time!!

Creepy Local Cleveland Commercial

This guy's voice is the stuff of pedophile rape nightmares. I heard that he had cancer and that's why he sounds like a pervert but why not get someone else to talk for you? Why? Because everyone knows that weirdness gets a lot more attention than some run-of-the-mill generic blahness that we hear every day on the TV. He does have over 200,000 hits on YouTube, so maybe he's a marketing genius.

Stop With the Plastic Surgery and Botox Already!

Everyone wants to stay young looking but Madonna is turning into Cher. Her face barely moves!

Tommy Chong Would Have Loved This Guy

Heck, he's probably decended from him.

Scientists have been examining a 2,700 year old grave that was found in the Gobi Desert, and guess what he was buried with? Nearly 2 pounds of ganja! Still green!

You gotta wonder if they tried to smoke it...

Botox is Beautiful!

What's the Big Deal?

Sean Avery is one of the bad boys of the NHL. He has all the qualifications, he's a pest to goalies, is an instigator, dates famous women and talks trash on a regular basis. He even interned or guest edited or something at Vogue this past summer before he left NYC for Dallas. Genius move. I wonder how many models he bagged or if Anna Wintour made him rub her aching feet and fetch her Cappuccinos.

Anyway, he just got suspended. Not for fighting or drugs or carrying a handgun or any of the usual reasons athletes get suspended. Nope, it was this quote he made to media as he was entering a practice session in Calgary where one of the players, Dion Phaneuf, is dating his ex Elisha Cuthbert:

"I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."

Wtf? Suspended for that? Someone explain this to me. I must be missing something.

Which Witch

This was my favorite boardgame until I became a teen, no surprise because Halloween is my favorite holiday. I taped the bent cardboard back together several times and glued the little kids back to their stands once or twice. I always knew it would be a surefire hit whenever my friends came over to play. What I didn't know were how many versions there were internationally.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Is Anyone Surprised?

Michael Phelps is Sports Illustrated sportsman of the year. 8 gold medals and 7 world records will do that for a guy. But what did they do to his face? He was ugly to begin with but here he looks like the village idiot. It looks like they tried to paste a face together out of seperate pictures of him. Mr. Potato Head photoshop, blech.

Did They Run Out of Swan Shaped Towels?

Those wacky pirates in Africa have finally lost whatever was left of their minds. They tried to hijack a cruise ship in the Gulf of Aden on Sunday. The huge Oceana Cruiselines vessel easily outran the 2 speedboats who shot at the ship several times before taking off.

What were they after? Heart attack inducing food? Ugly XXXL Hawaiian shirts? Bad lounge acts?

It's all good, though. It gives me an excuse to post a picture of Johnny Depp.

Nerds Everywhere Reach for the Lotion

Here is the trailer for the new Star Trek movie so let the Trekkie daisy chain ensue. It looks like they are trying to give the franchise new life with a "Batman Begins" style facelift. And, honestly, I can't tell if I should think it's really cool or if I'll be making fun of its' cheesy dialogue and bad acting like I did with "Armageddon." Probably the latter.

For the Man Who Has Everything but a Woman

A nine year old (that's right, nine!) has written a common sense dating advice book that started out as a pamphlet he sold at his school's bazaar. It was so wildly popular and talked-about that he got a book deal! Cute, cute, cute. Here's the NY Post article:

Saving New Orleans

Brad Pitt is on the cover of the January issue of Architectural Digest posed in front of one of the many homes he is helping to get built in his adopted home of New Orleans. It's his pet project and I'm glad he's bring so much attention to a problem that a lot of people have forgotten about, or are so worried about losing their own homes that they can't afford to care.
Oh, and he's no longer on my gimme list. HRH Angie has sucked all the hot out of him and all that's left is this Tom Skeritt-looking guy.


It's another fabulous classic toy. Made by Kenner!

My boyfriend and I gave this to a friend's 7 year old daughter a few months ago and she loved it. Her dad plays with it too.

If you have a computer obsessed kid, they have a software version as well. And it's free.

I Love You, Spaghetti Cat

Monday, December 1, 2008


I meant to post this a month ago on Gerald Butler's birthday but I only just found it. It's a great silly parody of 300.

Black Ice

I Love Tina Fey Even More

She finally spilled the beans on that famous scar of hers and it's not pretty, unless you count pretty random. She was 5 years old, minding her own business, playing in her front yard when a stranger came up to her and slashed her face with a knife. What a horror for a child to go through. She must have been in shock when it happened because at the time she thought it was a pen he struck her with.
See! There have always been crazy people who do effed up stuff to children. Always. And sadly, probably always will be.

More Gift Ideas

Supposedly this is going to be a big year for classic toys. A lot of them have been reissued and some never went away. I realize that kids want the newest and the coolest but if your kid is already cool they'll love the retro stuff too.

Oh, and the flags on tinkertoys suck. It takes about a week and then they're busted.

Carpet and Drapes

Need a gift for that person who has everything? Take a gander and thank me later.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Another Great Game for the Steelers Defense

Forcing 5 turnovers helped the Steelers steamroll the Patriots 33-10. I'm happy and must go to sleep now curled up in my black and gold blanket. The next 4 weeks won't be easy so I'm going to enjoy this before I have an anurism some time in the next month. Thank you, D.

Hines Ward Feeds the Needy

This Thankgiving Hines Ward and a few of his teammates fed the homeless and needy people of Pittsburgh at his restaurant South Side 86. He has been volunteering for the Salvation Army for the past few years but this time he had his own eatery so he had the ability to host everyone himself. Kudos to you, Hines. Now let's translate the good Karma into a win today!
Click here for the full story and more pictures. And yes, that is a Crosby jersey on the wall behind him.

Tim Russert to be Honored at Ralph Wilson Stadium

They're naming one of the entrances after the "Meet the Press" host who passed away earlier this year of a heart attack. He was a life long Buffalo Bills fan and I'm sure he would be pleased.

Da Bears, Classic SNL

I miss Chris Farley.

More Sid the Kid, This Time for a Reason

He got his first at-home hat trick in the Pens 4-1 win over the Devils last night.
And Malkin's skates are sick.

Sidney Crosby Shirtless

Why? Because it's my blog, that's why.

Party in Cabo Instead

Tijuana has never been my cup of tea, I prefer more laid back resort areas in Mexico where you don't have drunken Americans falling on you in bars. I think that most people realize that there are way better places to visit on the Baja penninsula and probably skip the border town altogether. Not so when you are a 19 year old college student hopping over for a weekend of under-age fun. Unfortunately, these kids are getting caught in the crossfire of one of the worst drug turf wars to hit the area ever. 685 have died this year, 300 since september.

In this economy plenty of Americans are still buying the cocaine, heroin and crystal meth that comes across the border every day which makes it one of the most lucrative spots for drug smuggling cartels and one of the most dangerous places in the Western Hemisphere.

Skip Tijuana and raid your parents liquor cabinet. You'll get in trouble but you won't be dead.