Friday, September 25, 2009

Keepin' it Klassy, Part X

Oh Pammy, how I have missed you. I was just remarking to myself the other day that it had been unconscionably long since I had seen hide or hair of your magnificent trashitude. Sigh. All it took was a knight in shining armor named Richie Rich to bring your inflated bosoms and deflated tushie out to play. I read that this was a fashion show and that you are on a runway. So, I ask you, where are the damn clothes?!?

You Will Die

Your ears will, anyway. As soon as they hear the first notes they are going to quit that bitch. I ain't lying.

Are You Paying Me In Coke Or Meth? I Can't Remember.

Formula 1 is not NASCAR, you dumb bitch.

And step away from the drugs. You are in Singapore. They do not fuck around over there.

House Cleaning

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Posh Will Be Buying These In 5, 4, 3, ......

These are the new Maison Martin Margiela glass slippers that retail for $2,580. You are not supposed to really wear them, right? I assume that it's all about marketing, appealing to the idiot Cinderella complex that lurks in some women's hearts and minds.

If they are indeed made of glass, wouldn't they be in danger of chipping, breaking and cutting your precious tootsies? No owie on the foot is worth that amount of money. When all is said and done they're probably just very expensive bookends. That's my theory anyway.

This Explains A Lot

Vent Anonymously

If you have a gripe that needs to be heard but you can't or won't use your name, there is a website just for you.

You can bitch at your boss, your boyfriend or your neighbor without getting in trouble. Yay!

I'm surprised that it took someone so long to think of this. It's much better than confession and you don't have to do those annoying hail marys and stuff.

If anyone out there knows Kanye West, send him the link. It might be the best PR move of his life.
Here is a particularly lovely entry:

Fuck you!!! You Fat 35 Ugly Bitch!!! You said don’t worry I don’t think I can have any kids and will get an abortion if you want me to…FUCKING LIES!!! You gutless whore!!! 3 Times I got drunk enough to fuck you and you fuck me over like this? I should falcon punch you in the stomach over and over again!!! You knew you couldn’t get any real man to fuck you anymore because your ugly as shit and over weight!!! My moment of weakness and for what?!!! Shitty blow jobs and horrible sex when you fart twice and get dry?!!! My god what was THINKING?!! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

Oh My God, Look What I Found

An old picture of Perez Hilton!
Or maybe that's my flu. I have been acting extra bitchy lately.

So That's What The Basket's For

Been Out Of Commission Lately

I am not sure if it was a flu of the piggy variety but I definitely had the fever of a 102, a lingering sore throat and energy droppage. It doesn't stop me from golfing, though. Go figure.
One more thing. I would like to thank my baby for the new driver. One by one, little by little and slowly but surely I am stealing all of his clubs. He better lock up his irons. They're next.