Saturday, November 20, 2010

80s Mauricio!

He loves music. He loves the Latin rhythms of his native Meh-he-coh. 

Then one day, while listening to Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam, he happened upon this siren on the beaches of Cancun.

They shared some ludes and washed it down with Mezcal and caught Back to the Future at the local movie house where they made out and Mauricio ran his fingers through her excitingly multi-hued tresses. He moved to New York with her where he became the next Donald Trump and she paid German nannies to carry their babies. Meanwhile, Kyle married Simon Barney, thereby saving him from a lifetime of misery from Tamra.

everybody wins!

Boomer's Two Positions

First we have the splayed haunches, lying in wait situation.

Then we have the 'lying on the back until someone rubs my belly or I fall asleep' pose.

Faces aren't shown because she's on my shit list. She pissed all over the top of the couch when I was outside doing yard work and now I'm making her wear a Stretch mask on all her walks as punishment. She got heckled pretty bad by the Golden Retriever across the street, and don't get me started on the Australian Shepherd next door. I believe she yelled, "Barf!" or something, then coughed some unintelligible insult in her paw. I swear I heard her say, 'free Snowball.' 

The dogs in my neighborhood are so catty! 

Friday, November 19, 2010

Glory Daze- I Didn't Hate It

Did you watch the premiere on TBS? It had some cliches, sure, but I'm a sucker for 80s nostalgia and will continue to watch. Plus, Tim Meadows is a teacher and Cheri Oteri is one of the guy's moms! The Ladies Man! The Simmer Down Now lady!

Here's a review that sums it up quite nicely:
Then go to the website and 80s yourself. Then send me the pictures, unless you're PC and have dozens of photos of yourself with poofy hair and shoulder pads.,,234582,00.html?wide=1
I did Camille-
And Leather-

It's Friday, Bitches!

If you choose to partake, promise me you won't sound like this.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

In Water Fowl News..

Since none of you asked and even fewer of you care, I thought you'd like to see a photo of Mallard Mouth and the Future Gold Digging Twins along with Pauly D 2024.

Here she is with the Pawn Preacher on the cover of an OC Parenting *cough* magazine. 

You get extra points if you noticed that this magazine came out the same month as the, "Oopsy! I got drunk and the baby stroller fell in the pool!" incident. Is it wrong for me to hope that the Bravo cameras were there that day?

I saved the best for last. Someone at TopStalker grabbed a photo of her shopping at the local A&P dressed like a nun.

And there you have it! All caught up.

Caption The Housewife, Sad Former Child Star Edition

Ten to one odds one of you bitches had this outfit, or a version thereof. I will only admit to the fingerless lace gloves. Mine had rhinestones atop the wrists, naturally.

Ad and Stretch Scare The Kiddies

This is what they wore for Halloween. How on earth did I miss this? Looks like I'm going to have to pull a Zarin and set up some Google alerts. Yikes!
And as far as I'm concerned, dressing up like a sexy pirate, or cop, or sanitation engineer, what have you, is only okay if you are a guy. Don't they look like drag queens, anyway? On second thought, no. Drag queens have better skill with the make-up box.

And look, a bonus!
It's the rootin' tootin' Texas cowgeek! He's drinkin' manly beer and everthing!

Camille Dances Like An Epileptic Hooker

This is from her days as a club go-go dancer in early 90s NYC. From the looks of her moves, she went straight home after work that night, put the kettle on, had some tea and knitted dear old mum a scarf for those nasty Jersey winters. Then she pooped her pants, THE END.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Recurring Nightmares

A few weeks ago we did the ghost story thread and it was a huge success. I was trying to think of another topic to discuss, something in the same vein as the paranormal. A little birdie named PC whispered into my ear and together we hatched a plan. I seem to remember that quite a few of you, in addition to myself, had some pretty scary dream related ghost stories. How about we share some of those in addition to any recurring nightmares you might have, or freaky phenomena in general. I'll get us started.

This story includes my old New York roommate Billy, just like one of my ghost stories did. We were on our fourth week of searching for a two bedroom apartment and having absolutely zero luck. Everything was either too expensive, too small, in a shitty neighborhood or in one of those charming buildings that you revisit without the realtor and discover that it's full of whackadoodles and filth.

We were getting so fed up and stopped at one of those little tables on the Bowery that had all kinds of junky little doodads on display, like old war medals and watches. I zeroed in on a particular timepiece and an icy hand grabbed my spine. Just that very morning, I told Billy that I had had a dream of a watch similar to his, only in Russian with the words Boktok on the face. At breakfast, I grabbed his wrist and looked at his watch, and while they were similar, the word on his watch face was nothing like the one in my dream, nor were the numerals. Sure enough, that exact watch was laying on the soiled cloth in front of me. Spooked me for days, but the entire event had zero affect on my life. We found the shitty dark haunted apartment a couple of weeks later, and moved in. 

I think that random things can happen and looking for meaning in them can lead nowhere, there a separate dimension? Maybe I caught myself in a tiny crack while I was sleeping. What about you? Have you ever had a similar experience and did it have more resonance in your life? Or do you have a particularly frightening recurring nightmare to tell everyone? 

Feel free to share and be as long winded as you like in the comments. This is the kind of stuff I LOVE.

The Best Sketch From SNL This Week

I'll Just Nap In The Back, Thanks

Snoooooze. This is the bonus footage of Stretch and Kyle on their way to buy dresses. Could Blair Witch Stick be any less sincere? She's a classic example of someone sucking the air out of a room. Barf. I say Bravo gets rid of her next season, and makes Nick's wife Tricia a housewife. Now THAT would be interesting.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Bullshit Over Broadway

No matter how much you hate Camille, you have to admit that she's doing a bang-up job of making the show increasingly about her, at the expense of the other ladies. What a cruel person she is! I was shocked at her demeanor when she was baiting Kyle. It makes me ask myself, "how would I react in a similar situation?" Other than instigating a pretty serious slappy fight, the kind my sister and I used to have, I'd probably laugh in her face. 
Nah, I'd get mad like Kyle did. Then I'd put eye drops in her water. 

What? You would too, don't lie!