Saturday, March 7, 2009

Keepin' it Klassy, Part VII

Somebody's boobie fell out at the Vivienne Westwood show and it wasn't the designer's. It was our Pammy's! Here she is, whipping her niplage out for no good reason. It looks kind of weird, right? Either she had too many operations or her bustier smashed it. Doesn't matter, just as long as she keeps on making me smile.

Puppies Have Bad Dreams Too

I have watched my puppies act out dreams and whine and cry throughout the entire ordeal. They are smaller than this dog and after watching this I am really grateful for that since there would probably be some holes in the drywall and a very unhappy momma that would be spackling it. Oh well, that's what goofy dogs do, and I love my goofy dogs.

Lisa Lampanelli Roasts Larry the Cable Guy

Love her or hate her, she is not afraid to go there. What do you think? Was the Chris Brown joke in completely bad taste?

Friday, March 6, 2009

Get Ready to be Outraged

RIO DE JANEIRO - A Roman Catholic archbishop says the abortion of twins carried by a 9-year-old girl who allegedly was raped by her stepfather means excommunication for the girl's mother and her doctors.
Despite the nature of the case, the church had to hold its line against abortion, Archbishop Jose Cardoso Sobrinho said in an interview aired Thursday by Globo television.
"The law of God is higher than any human laws," he said. "When a human law — that is, a law enacted by human legislators — is against the law of God, that law has no value. The adults who approved, who carried out this abortion have incurred excommunication."

Health Minister Jose Gomes Temporao rebuked the archbishop, saying, "I'm shocked by two facts: by what happened to the girl and by the position of the archbishop, who in saying he defends life puts another at risk."
Abortion is generally illegal in Brazil, which is home to more Catholics than any other nation. But the procedure is allowed when the mother's life is in danger, when the fetus has no chance of survival or in rape cases where the woman has not passed her 20th week of pregnancy.
Doctors said the girl was 15 weeks pregnant when the abortion was performed Wednesday in the northeastern city of Recife, where Sobrinho is archbishop. Health officials said the life of the girl — who weighs 80 pounds — was in danger.
The pregnancy was discovered last week when the girl fell ill and her mother took her to a clinic. The child then told officials she had been abused by her stepfather, who is in police custody.

I really don't know what to say other than the Catholic Church needs to get a complete overhaul and join the human race. And if this doesn't completely piss you off beyond belief, maybe you are reading the wrong blog.

Meet The Shark

Audi held a car design contest and here is the winner. The design engineer is a 26 year old from Turkey named Kazin Doku and he won a 70% scholarship to Milan's Domus Academy. Unfortunately, he can't afford the other 30% and has had to withdraw himself from their master's program. For God's sake, give him a full scholarship! Or at least finance the bit he can't come up with on his own.
Anyway, it's a hovercraft and has not been made yet but I sincerely hope that they start producing them soon. Can you imagine? Driving around your neighborhood tring to avoid getting a bird stuck in your grill? We can all be Jetsons!

Drag Race Episode 5

This week's Drag Race was one long episode designed to piss off yours truly. The last one was inspirational even though the wrong queen went home at the end but this one had me waxing a bit more vitriolic than I normally do. I'm still mad, not just for who went home but for who won as well. I think that Ru and the judges made a huge mistake and if next week doesn't make up for it I'm going to really let the claws out. Trust.

Here's the link to my latest recap:

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Childless No More

I found this image on Mitzi's blog and my stomach muscles are still hurting from laughing so hard. The photoshop possibilities are endless! Here's the link to enjoy more of her hilarities:

Topless Coffee Shop

The economy sucks right now so some entrepreneur in Maine opened up a topless coffee shop and the business has been great so far. One waitress got a $100 tip and they average $30 per table in this small town of 4,500. I, for one, am all for it but I have one question; can I get my latte with extra cream? I'll spare you all the other dumb puns that are running through my brain.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Can't He Get an Operation or Something?

Move over Gene Simmons.
Do not watch this if you are turned off by dogs with really long tongues. On the other hand, if you are turned on by them, there's not much I can do for you but pray.

Their Moms Must be So Proud

When I woke up this morning I realized that I haven't posted any drunken skanks in a really long time. I am so sorry.
Consider the situation rectified, courtesy of the classy ladies of The Rock of Love Bus.

Tina Turner Still Going Strong at 69

Contrast these images of an energetic Tina Turner performing at London's 02 Arena last night with the photos of Britney I just posted. The girl is almost 70 and looks fabulous. She's been meditating and doing yoga for years, way before it became popular with the likes of Madonna and Sting, which helps explain how she stays so gorgeous and happy. Plus she lives in an amazing mountainside retreat in Switzerland with Erwin Bach, a record executive 16 years younger than her. I've got the younger man but I can only hope that I look as good as her when I'm her age. What an inspiration. Maybe she should be Britney's custodian. It couldn't hurt.

Britney's Back, Remains Hot Mess

Brit Brit opened her tour in Louisiana last night and it was a circus alright. No, I wasn't there and I nabbed these pictures from the Daily Mail because they always have stuff up early.
Anyhow, you know a girl needs a new weave when she looks like Jenna Jameson after a four-way. I'm not going to go off on her for her weight, she has a little chunk but I see nothing wrong with that. Plus, it is in really poor taste for a skinny girl like me to call someone out for having the exact same trouble areas, namely the tummy. The real problem is that she lip synched through her entire performance (leave it for the drag queens, sweetie) and barely spoke to people that paid up to $750 for a ticket. Plus, look at her. Doesn't she seem utterly joyless? It makes me sad. She's only 27 and already becoming a bit of a hag.

I'm going to agree with the CDANers out there and guess that this tour lasts another 2-3 weeks tops.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Lost Generation or Generation of Hope?

Whoever created this AARP ad deserves an award, if they haven't already.

Thanks, Paul.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Living Lohan, Robot Chicken Style

Let's be honest here. It's so much better than the real thing. Yes, I did watch an episode where White Oprah partied and the kids were home alone, the fire department was called because some wiring caught on fire and she still stayed out until she was damn good and ready to go home, Despicable.
It's no wonder that Lindsay is so messed up. I'd be more surprised if she wasn't.

Flight 1549 Simulated Landing

Pretty amazing what you can do these days.

6'8" High School Girl's Basketball Phenom

Her name is Brittney Griner and she attends Nimitz High School, outside Houston. She can dunk and she makes the other players look like little kids in comparison. She is already signed to Baylor and missed having a quadruple double in this game. I've heard of triple doubles but what is a quadruple double? I'm going to have to google it. She is amazing.

My Friends Don't Have Book Deals, But This Girl Does?

I feel a rant coming on but I'll try to keep the bitching to a minimum. Oh, who am I kidding? Lauren Conrad from reality show The Hills has a 'novel' coming out this June. It's about a girl who gets an intern job in L.A., winds up on a reality show and parties at all the trendy Hollywood clubs with her various loser sidekicks. Excuse me, but isn't that the entire premise of the stupid show she stars in on MTV? That scripted, fake snorefest that is supposed to pass for real life? She couldn't come up with anything more original? I assume it is ghost written and aimed at her rabid teenage fans. Never underestimate the buying power of the average teen with allowance money burning a hole in their pockets. What's next? A how-to guide on bisexual dating from Tila Tequila? Style tips from Flava Flave? Brody Jenner gets a three book deal on how to be a douche, manscaping and dating Playboy models?

I have some friends that are very talented writers (I'm talking about you, Yenta) who deserve to be published, who actually have something to say and write well thought out characters that they have bled and sweat over. They've paid their dues and they still aren't getting the recognition they deserve while this chick with a third grade vocabulary is probably going to make it onto the NYTimes best seller list. It makes me sick. Anybody up for a good old fashioned book burning this summer?

Quote of the Day

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
-Quentin Crisp
I haven't done a quote post since the end of the election but this one popped up on my igoogle and made me laugh.

Roberto Cavalli Fall 2009

Mr. Animal Print has moved on to leather thigh high boots, nicely detailed skinny pants and sheer fabrics. There is a seventies vibe (the black eyeliner, super shiny flat hair and Paco Rabanne fabrics) , the heels are sky high and the models severe. There was too much fur for my taste but I'm sure that the stars that already buy his line wont be turned off by it. In contrast to the Prada show which was dour and hideous imho, and probably wont do well, these clothes have sure-fire hit written all over them. There is going to be a lot of black this fall and I'm all for it. I also love the metal heels.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Yum, Yum, Yummy Beer

Our president attended last night's Wizards game and enjoyed a frosty cold one, courtside. On the one hand, he brought good luck to The Wizards because they won, but he is a Chicago boy, so beating the Bulls must have been bittersweet. Anyway, it's nice that he makes time to enjoy himself and isn't afraid to drink in public. When was the last time you saw that? I know that Dubya was a recovering alcoholic, I don't remember seeing Clinton drink, only eat and smoke cigars, and did Bush senior tipple? I'm pretty sure that he did. Nixon drank, Ford drank (not as much as his wife, but we all know that), Johnson drank, Kennedy drank and I think that Reagan only did so sparingly.

I would think that with a high stress job you would need some kind of outlet, some way to unwind. Someone needs to write a book on how people in lofty positions keep their head screwed on properly, and not some mamby pamby Redbook/Parade magazine fluff, get Christopher Hitchens or P.J.O'Rourke to write it.

If any of you know of a book like this that has already been written, I would sure like to know about it.