Daniel Craig eating Ruffles potato chips. Look! He has a little holiday belly! How cute! Mine is not so cute. Mine is approximately ten times the size of that, filled with pretzels, chocolate, pork roast, deep fried tortillas and Hooters' wings. No lie. Please pray for me as I begin to suffer by eating salad, steamed fish and veggies so that I can fit into something other than holey sweatpants. Yay. Diets. And people like Madonna eat like this every day voluntarily? Assholes. Yes, that's right. Today everyone is an asshole.