Nice Bride, Right?

Not something I would wear, but pretty, right?

It's a dude.

Is Stretch A Drunk?

You tell me..

By the way, just watch the first 5 minutes.

The Real Golddiggers of Aging Badly

Bravo has a preview up for the new season of OC, and can I just say how terrible Tamra's face looks? She was ten times cuter when she first signed on to the show four years ago. Is it the tanning, the weight loss, or what (sniffables)? Her skin has the look of old parchment that's been left in a desert cave for too long, and her lips look like earthworms that you find dead on the sidewalk in the Summer, having been toasted by that big yellow orb in the sky. Plus, she shoves Jeana which means I will be cracking her over the skull with words. 


These bitches, the ORIGINAL bitches, I might add, are looking haggard as hell. The new lesbian is hot, though. I think I'll just watch for her. I would much rather watch cute girls go at it, than one more season of Mallard Mouth trying to convince us that Jimbo is hot. Dude is getting more shifty eyed and less attractive than a stuffed walrus, if that's even possible.


And tonight is going to be EPIC. Some drinking games were suggested on FB, but I need to be up and at 'em the following morning, so you guys drink for me. Just put a spit screen in front of the TV.


Series starts March 6th. Oh, and Tamra's nipple after the jump. Some keen eyed Gawker reader grabbed it.

Booger Buddies

So, the Steelers won last night, which makes me pretty happy. I'm still struggling with the fact that Ben is a rapist (ALLEGEDLY, pfft) but I find my way around that by rooting for other teammates like Mendenhall, Mewelde Moore and Hines Ward. Troy didn't factor as much as I would have liked, but beggars can't be choosers and a win is a win. I did catch the booger wipe and I was buzzing pretty hard but I think they replayed it on air. Maybe boogers are Sanchez's kryptonite?

Leo's Turn

A while back I gave you Nicholas Cage freaking out in spectacular fashion. Here's Rose's soul mate doing the same. 

Speaking of PeeWee..

Give This Girl her Own Show

Fuck Ted Williams, this girl is my new instant hero!

Whatchoo Readin' Fer?

One of my favorite Bill Hicks bits. NSFW.

I'm not a Beatles fan but I get the point.

I'm Special. Bob Said So

Dear Readers,
I won a super special award! A Spatula Blogger Award! Appropriate since I got whacked with one pretty regularly as a kid.Anyway, I got tagged by Bob from I'm Not laughing as being an enjoyably irreverant blogger, or something to that effect. There's a hitch, though. There always is, now isn't there? I have to tell you crap about myself that you don't know. Well, If I haven't told you, it's because it's none yo bidness, but I'm game. I'll play. Besides, as you all know, I find myself endlessly fascinating. 


Hmmm.
1. I like gay people way more than breeders. 
    Maybe it's because I live in Ohio, but I rarely meet any straight people that I think are worthy of my time. I like the way gay people think. I'm a snob when it comes to the intellectual/sense of humor/creativity of people. I know that sounds bad, but at least I'm a snob FOR THE GAYS. Also, it's no accident that every male friend of mine in high school, save two, turned out to be gay. I even bearded for one. I think that's a rite of passage for a gal like me.


2. I met Gina Lollabrigida and her boobs at an IFC awards thingymajigger.
 I am rarely tongue tied. I was that day. She was 50 and looked like a young Joan Collins. I almost got on my knees to worship her but she was with Richard Avedon and I didn't want him thinking that I was making fun of his height.


3. I have a five head. Always have, always will. Voila:

Look, Chemgal. I too, was a glowbaby!

4. I HATE those commercial with Sarah McLachlan and the abused pets that need to be adopted. It's like, 'Cry! Now give me your money!' HATE.


5. I have a bizarre crush on Eddie Izzard. I can't explain it. I don't even think he looks that good in drag. Oy.


6. My ancestor and Mr. McSlore's ancestor fought over the inclusion of slavery in the Declaration of Independence. Unfortunately, mine won.


7. My Grandfather played with Cab Calloway.


8. I share a birthday with Mother Teresa and PeeWee Herman. FUCKED UP.


9. I modeled Norma Kamali clothes on Attitudes. Remember that show? AWESOME Lifetime camp.


10. I abhor country music and folk rock and will go to my grave clutching Dio and Judas Priest albums.


Okay, now here's who I think deserve awards.


Bob from http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/. for his impeccable taste, clearly. Plus, he blogs religiously and the only thing we disagree about is Bethenny.
Karen from http://itinerantcook.blogspot.com/. She's smart, she can cook and she shares!
Billy from http://billybeyond.blog-city.com/. He also shares. This time it's music and his great photography.
Lady Bunny http://blog.ladybunny.net/ . Yes, she was around before electricity. Yes, she's a filthy old whore, BUT she's one of my oldest and mostest smartest friends.
Finally, Bidz. http://www.bidz.com/ Self explainatory.


Please share stuff about yourself in the comments. Preferably insane and embarrassing.

I Guess I've Written The Necronomicon

Can someone tell me why, in this day and age, anyone would think that there is something wrong with rubbing one out? It's the safest sex there is! You don't have to deal with someone else's needs, no one gets pregnant, you don't wake up with strange bumps or rashes and you never get rejected. Well, unless you're TDTF.

Days of Our Housewives

I was emailing a friend the other day and we got on the subject of the Housewives and how I am losing interest in the whole enterprise from a writing perspective. I have no problem gossiping about some of them, especially the ones that front. Their inevitable exposure for the broke phonies they are makes everything seem right in the world, in light of the fact that they shove their million dollar onyx and brass festooned houses of cards down our throats on a (twice!) weekly basis.


That's okay because they get theirs in the end, or is it? Is it okay AT ALL?


It's not. Here's why.

RHONY Season 4 Shitty Preview

Fist off, why is it taking so long for OC to air? They should be on before the hags in New York, no? I heard that things hadn't gone as planned and production is scurrying around with re-edits. Whatever. I am not looking forward to this part of the franchise, and why is Jill still around? 

This season starts airing the day after Valentines. 
What do you think? Has this part of the increasingly Soap Opera-like Real Housewives jumped the shark?

Saint Louis

I can be an airhead. I didn't realize until two weeks ago that the camera in my phone had a 'solarize' option. I discovered it by accident while I was trying to take a picture of Mr. McSlore's ass in the Ancient Art section of the St. Louis Art Museum. In lieu of showing you his ass, which may not be as fascinating to you as it is to me, I give you the towering statue of Saint Louis out front of the museum-

Here he is, in all his glory, un-solarized. He looks as though he would fit right in with ghost army from Return of the King.

The man depicted here which the city was named after, is King Louis IX of France. Not sure why they chose a dead guy from the 13th century but he makes for a pretty cool statue, and they do have a fair collection of armor in the museum. Nothing like the Met in New York, but who has that kind of funding?

This could do some serious damage to the Jehovahs that keep showing up on my doorstep-

I just love the staircases in and out of the exhibit. The ceiling is gorgeous too. I could live in there. Hey, speaking of which, do any of you remember a children's book about a girl and her little brother that spend the night in the Met? I can't recall the name..

Cleveland Is Beautiful

Because I love my adopted city so much, and because we get dumped on way more than is neccessary, I am going to do a lot more pro-Cleveland posts this year. I'm going to highlight the places I love, the art and beauty that surrounds us here in Northeastern Ohio, and basically hammer it down your throat, but tied in a pretty pretty ribbon. 


I took this on the way home from our Adventure In Antiquing.

And this is one of the many heroic statues representing local industry on the refurbished 30s designed Lorain-Carnegie Bridge.

Thank goodness they renovated instead of tearing it down, like they did with most of the mansions on Euclid Ave. Have you ever seen that great book lost New York? I bet they could print one for every city in the Untied States. We should at least try to document what we love while we can.

Ode To Chocolate

I hate most sweets. I'm the last to order dessert, and find myself continually making brownies and cheesecakes for parties, and tasting nary a sweet morsel. I'll eat it if someone else makes it, but only with the gun of politeness pressed firmly into my back. There is one exception, though. Chocolate. Dark and rich and as heavy as the Metal I put into the CD player on an almost daily basis. This is where we come to Lily, the store pictured above.


How do I describe it? Well, for one thing, they pair their homemade truffles with wine! I'm already there, obviously. Then they use crazy Marcel Vigneron stuff to it, without the douchey haircut. Here are some examples:

First up- Red Planet. Red wine black pepper reduction, dark chocolate.

              Hot Mama. Cayenne pepper, Sichuan peppercorn honey, dark chocolate.

              Boozie Suzie. Kirsch soaked french cherries, Kirsch ganach, dark chocolate.

              Red Head. Vintage port ganache, dried blueberries, dark chocolate.

              Mauie Wowie. Madagascar vanilla bean, Hawaiian black lava sea salt, white chocolate.

              Lime. Fresh lime juice, clover honey, white chocolate.

              Forty Winks (my favorite). Lavender bittersweet ganache, dark chocolate.

Order some, they are amazing. http://lillytremont.com/