Doug Stanhope on Dr. Drew

Ah, yes. Dr. Drew. For those of you that read my Celebrity Rehab recaps from '09-'10, the season with Mikey Starr and the Grandmother of Issues, Mackenzie Phillips, you already know how I feel about him. I think he's exploitative and I also believe at the core of my being that paying for someone to go to rehab is so beyond counter-intuitive that it borders on malpractice. I'll go one further and say that signing someone up for a paid dry-out, which is all CR is, should be against the law, not to mention the perverted nature of this obvious ridiculousness- FILMING IT.

Here's Stanhope's take on it. It's brutal and completely profane. You have been warned.

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

Lindsay Lohan In Playboy

I don't know, you guys. Not only is it way too literally derivitive, but it's freaking bland. Girl has no soul behind her eyes. I thought I'd never say this but Pam Anderson has more soul, as does any decent drag queen, which she resembles in a boobs-photoshopped-onto-a-Drag Race contestant kind of way.

A couple more after the jump.

Joel McHale on Conan

He really does hate those Kunts, doesn't he?
And we agreed that if Joel says it, it doesn't count as an actual KKK post, right? Good, because he's funny as Hell, and I still love Conan even though I never seem to be awake or sober enough to hit the DVR when he's on.

Kartrashian SNL Skit

Please let this mark the end of their rein of terror on the E! network. Such losers! And I blame every single one of you that watch this trite glorification of superficial fame grabbing and phony familial homey-ness. 


Remember, this is a girl that is not only famous for getting peed on, but she stole six figures from Ray J's own Mother. And that voice! It is so bland, so devoid of anything remotely resembling character or personality that it makes me want to stick knitting needles into my ears! Oh, and let's not forget that their so-called collections of perfumes, handbags and clothing are complete rip-offs of other designers. They all suck, and this is the first and last post I will ever do about these leeches on society, which I wouldn't have done in the first place if Kristen Wiig wasn't such a genius.

Caption The Housewife, Freeloader Edition

Oh, how I hate landscaped facial hair, not to mention boys with pouts. Ick. I was going to post a picture of super-skinny Stretch but it was making me ill, especially after Friday's Ana post. Too much emaciation for one weekend.

Bonus: Lisa Vanderpump as a kid.

Ka-Boom

It had to happen sooner or later. It's just the law of physics. 
Last night Maks's thigh gave out as he was hoisting Kirstie Allie into the air as Somewhere Over The Rainbow played in the background. There is a God.
I know I'm a bad person. We established that a long time ago. I laughed and laughed, not just at Maksim & Kirstie, but at the entire concept of dancing to a traumatic moment in your life, I mean who's going to beat Petra and her Tsunami ordeal? You'd have to book beat-up Rhianna or Jennifer Hudson and her 3 dead relatives story.
I sure hope Kirstie sprung for some pie and ice cream after the show, you know, for insurance. Next time Maks may not drop her on her ass. 

WTH? Picture

And the quirky blog where it originated. http://clabwag.tumblr.com/

Think You're A Bad Dancer?

Think again. Tom Brady has your ass beat.

Okay, don't kill me for this, but am I the only one that thinks he looks like Daniel Tosh in a wig?
Come ON.

Help!

Charlie Sheen is everywhere right now. He's done every talk show known to man, just joined Twitter to further get his grandiose message out there, and TMZ has liver lipid updates practically every half hour. I'm no expert, but this man seems to be in the throes of the spectacular heights of mania. It seems like a cycle- mania, whores, depression (one can only imagine), booze and coke. And now with the threats. Healthy men don't get their children taken away, folks. Not when the judge hands them over to your spouse in rehab and her parents. I feel really bad for those kids. They'll be in therapy by kindergarten. 


But, since we all love a trainwreck, here's the latest mash-up, courtesy of FilmDrunk. It is rife with lines destined to be classic, so snort your rail of Charlie Sheen. There's a new sheriff in town!

Leo's Turn

A while back I gave you Nicholas Cage freaking out in spectacular fashion. Here's Rose's soul mate doing the same. 

Audrina's Mommy Is Articulate

I don't watch Dancing With The FameWhores, but I did watch The Hills before Lauren left. Audrina is a dope. She doesn't have enough brain energy to power a keychain flashlight. How did she get that way? I'm going with fetal alcohol syndrome. Judge for yourself with her Mother's charming little rant before someone makes a call and it gets pulled down.

Is It Me?

Or is Snooki starting to look like Tila Tequila?

Hm, she's kissed girls, she's on a reality show, she's tiny and has indiscriminate taste in men. She should be her for Halloween. All she needs is a wig, a push-up bra, mini skirt and heels, and she can borrow those from The Situation.

Lindsay Explains It All Away

Too bad that I can't believe a word of it. This is so clearly a case of a young woman in the throes of a very deep addiction. Almost nothing that comes out of her mouth is based in any sort of reality (except the part about how gawd awful her father is) and her earnest attempt to appear to be answering all the hard questions might be easier to swallow if she didn't have the eyes and bags under them of a 40 year old late shift waitress at Denny's.

Chances are pretty good that she'll end up in jail and then the hospital as she starts to go through withdrawal. The court will probably mandate that she attend some kind of rehab and Dr. Drew will be salivating at the prospect. Everything about this girl's situation is simply awful. Do you think that she brought it on herself by acting like an entitled bitch, or are her abominable famewhore parents to blame? Why do we care? Rubbernecking the trainwreck, I guess.

Mackenzie's New Look

She spent $50,000 on all her surgery with the intention of making the outside match how she's feeling on the inside. She looks better, no doubt about it and I hope she doesn't ruin it by going back to the drugs and alcohol. Now, if she could just quit smoking. Doing that might prove to be the hardest task of all. Good luck, Mack. I wish you well.

Good Riddance Tom Sizemore

I'm a busy little recapper at the moment. Celebrity Rehab got posted yesterday and I am so glad that Tom walked out. I hope that he stays gone because I find it absolutley reprehensible to allow him to get paid to be in rehab WITH THE WOMAN HE BEAT UP. Wrong on every level, especially since I love Heidi Fleiss and she deserves a chance at sobriety without having to look at his ugly mug every damn day.
Kari Anne is back and I am calling her Carrion for obvious reasons. What a waste of space. She is truly vile and needs to disappear. I'll help her. I hear that the White Slavery racket can be super fun for former beauty queens these days. Maybe I could arrange a little meet & greet.
Linkypoo-

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/celebrity-rehab/celebrity-rehab-5-11669.php

Aniston, You Got READ

CNN's Showbiz Tonight pulls no punches in dissecting Jennifer Aniston's calculated media pushes ahead of the premieres of her movies. I bet she is just fuming into her bong right now.
I also bet you someone's publicist is getting an earful today, and that Megan Alexander chick needs to stfu with her pre-rehearsed Gerard Butler ass licking. That's some ET shit right there.
Anyway, it's pretty irrefutable evidence, if you care to watch.

Casey Johnson Sensationalism

By now you might have heard about the death of the Johnson & Johnson heiress and all the lurid details that are all over the media and a certain trashy realty troll's Twitter. Well, unsurprisingly, a lot of it is lies. She was severely diabetic, the realationship with the troll was just for publicity and she did not live in a Grey Gardens-esque hovel with rats swimming in the pool and black mold on the walls. I mean, does the picture above look like a shithole? I think not. It actually looks a bit like my own backyard, with the little pond and all the plants.

If only it looked like that now. Unfortunately, we are under a foot and a half of snow.

Anyway, there's a good, calm sensible article in the New York Social Diary with more pictures and info.
Linkypoo: http://www.nysocialdiary.com/node/1568009

Are You Paying Me In Coke Or Meth? I Can't Remember.

Formula 1 is not NASCAR, you dumb bitch.

And step away from the drugs. You are in Singapore. They do not fuck around over there.

Like Grandfather, Like Grandson

Comb-overs run in the family. Not even infants are immune. Poor little Donald Trump III. Be strong. One day you will be able to break the cycle.