Celebrity Rehab 5 Supertrailer

It's that time again. On June 26th Dr. Drew is back to making a living off the backs of sensationalizing celebrity addiction. The only person that really fascinates me is Sean Young. I'm mildly interested in Dwight Gooden and Amy Fisher, but Michael Lohan? Who the hell gives a shit about that scumbag? Not me! I am hoping that Sean brings a can of whoopass on his saggy mom jeans wearing butt. He is the sorriest excuse for a famewhore that ever lived, and that includes Dr. Drew, so you know it's bad.


Other 'celebrities' include Bai Ling, Hobie from Baywatch and a chick from Survivor. No sign of Missy, so there's that!

Tags: Celebrity Rehab 5, Reality TV Shows, Reality TV Shows 6

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: It Takes Discipline

Whether you are growing a successful business or trying to make your marriage last, you need a healthy dose of hard work and discipline, not to mention a mean left. 

Oh, Crackie! How we could have used your spanking talents when Slurry's kids were running amok! Don't let it go to waste again. Take a swing at the producers next time and wake them up into writing some decent scenarios. I am nodding off over here!

*Yawn* 

I swear the dog fell off the bed while we were watching. The thud almost drowned out the other dog's snores.

Squeef Kook-Churr

This is a joke, right? The Zarinmonster wore this bustier on WWHL last night after tweeting a picture of herself in it and asking the fans if she should wear it. Wow, her fans must hate her, if she was even listening to them. As usual, it was all about the sale, as it's from her line of Spanx rip-offs. I bet Bethenny could rock the shit out of it. Jill, not so much. She looks like she's about to star in bad middle aged Medieval Porn. 

GROSS

Outrageous Kid's Parties!

First of all, TLC needs to change the name of their network or stop showing pure unadulterated trash like this! A $12,000 party for your hillbilly trash kid? What the? Save that money and get this kid some braces and an elocution coach. 


Second of all, who in the fuck names their kid 'Aniston?'  Angelina Jolie haters, I presume? I wish I hadn't seen this. It makes me stabby. 

By the way, that girl is retarded. I've got ten year old shoes with more brains.
Here's the link if the video wasn't working- here

Boil The Bags

Why didn't they just call this show Cooking For Dummies, or skipped the cooking premise altogether and follow Elsa as she drinks her way through Miami-Dade and Broward counties? Half these women barely tolerate the other half and as for Phillipe and his boil-a-bag salmon? If I want something nasty and fishy, I'll go read Goop.

Once again, what you didn't miss on Real Housewives of Miami, after the jump.

Caption The Housewife, Prune Mouth Edition

Yes, that's Crazy Eyes and Crackie. When their lips met, a magnitude 6.8 earthquake hit Cali. Scientists were baffled when they discovered that only Cota de Caza and the Pinot Grigio supplies had been affected.

Your turn!

Real Housewives of Miami Recap: You're Not Worthy

What do you do when you have one of the most popular reality franchises in cable history? Do you coddle it, care for it, do whatever is in your power to cherish and protect it? Why, no! You ruin it by hiring a bunch of morons who wouldn't get hired to act in a third tier Telenovella!

We have a rootin' tootin' gal from Texas who sounds like a cross between Little Edie and Christy Cummings, a CUTE basketball wife, a quartet of Latina Spitfires, correction: Spitsputterers, and one crazy old bitch that I could watch all day, only I'm afraid I'll go blind.

On to this abortion, something I know plenty about.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Ritzy Ditzes and the Clowns That Fund Them

Welcome back to yet another edition of fakery and fuckery. How many franchises are there now, 6? Some busted, some played out, and then there's this one. It is on a whole other level. Don't believe me? Let's take a look at the bitches after the jump.

It's Almost Housewives Time

Yes, that special time of year when I will be recapping again. This time it is Beverly Hills and Atlanta. I'll be putting in my usual 5,000 words and being completely ruthless and obnoxious. So, basically this will be no different than the TVgasm days. Can you guess who I cannot stand on Atlanta? Did you guess 'all of them?'

Yes?

You win.

As for the Bev Hills gals, all I can say is that it will be a relief to recap a group of tightly pulled and generously pricked over-the-hill whores with piles of money. Those of you that read my O.C. recaps remember how utterly joyless it was to skewer people at the low point of their lives, no matter how heinous the behaviour that got them there (hello, Slurry and Frankenfailure- I'm looking at you).

So, I will see you soon and in the meantime I will be posting the usual nonsense.

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