Finally, at the Chevron World Championship in Thousand Oaks yesterday, he didn't choke. It only took two years for him to get his mojo back, and by mojo I mean a tramp named Maureen that works at Howard Johnsons. All kidding aside, I was almost as relieved as Tiger because a winning Tiger is good for the sport. It's a fact. The ratings go up, more people are interested in the sport and it will help this country take advantage of the exploding market in Asia.
We attended the tournament on Sunday and got lucky at every turn. First off, after a late start, we got there before nine and paid only $8 to park on someone's lawn. I've done this in years' past but never was it as organized as this year. It was a neighborhood effort and I hope they pooled their monay and did something fun with it, like a block party for kids or a vodka party for adults.
There was a huge list of things you could not bring to the venue, including phones and cameras. They didn't even look through my tiny purse, so i totally could have gotten away with one, and a flask to boot. :( That's okay. I'll file that info away until next year.
We arrived to check out the leader board in time to see Stenson (the only golfer with a female caddy) on the 9th green and then Tiger and Anthony Kim in the fairway. First off, why the hell is Anthony so damn skinny? He's like 5'5" and 120 at the most. I look like She-Ra next to him. Secondly, they were laughing and talking and having a good time together even though they SUCKED ASS. It might as well be fun, right?
We parked ourselves in the front row at the 10th green and saw every single golfer. I highly recommend that you bring those folding camp chairs if you ever attend a professional golf event. They make a world of difference. Anyhoo, the green at 10 was brutal. We kept track, and there were only nine birdies all day! NINE. Out of 78 golfers.
We walked down to position ourselves on 18 where most of the golfers would be hitting their second shot when, uh oh! Bubba Watson hits a shot that lands right behind the corner of the giant leader board. It could have been worse, but this is another skinny guy. How the hell does he hit it over 300 yards? I need to study that swing. Mr. McSlore tells me that he gets his hips out so far that his belt buckle faces the flag before he even makes contact with the ball. I've tried that. The ball goes a staggering 30 feet. On a good day.
So, we watch a few guys hit and then stand at the 17th tee where we can hear a ruckus at the 16th green. it turns out that Hunter Mahan hit into a permanent flower bed which they treat as part of the cart path and they let him take a drop. He par'd the hole after over-shooting the green. What a miracle. He waltzed onto the 17th without a care in the world and hit a hybrid. Uphill. Like, 250 yards, and won at 12 under. Good for him. Here's his post game interview. I would show you Tiger's as well but the media still treats him like shit so I'm not going to bother. He still gets twice as many people to show up than those tournaments without him, and I think it's time to start asking him questions without so much schadenfreude and sneering condescension. It bugs the shit out of me, so I don't know how he handles it without slugging somebody.
No surprise. Somebody took the voicemail and made a slow jam out of it. I'm waiting for the auto-tune version. Oh, and here's a nice little tidbit- when he was fucking his side bitches in an Ambien haze, he wasn't wearing a condom. Maybe he was so stoned that he forgot how to put them on. You know what I would do if I were him? Get divorced and fly the freak flag as high as possible! Start a new business venture- Tiger's Cocktail Waitress Cruises! Whatever, Tiger. Just quit lying. The cat's already out of the bag, so to speak.
I felt so relieved when I heard that Tiger was okay and then I read that his wife was beating him with one of his own golf clubs and I felt even better!
Turns out that they were fighting on Thanksgiving over some chick who denies, denies that she had herself a little fun times with him in a hotel and wifey just went OFF!
I love how they are trying to spin the fact that she beat his car with a five iron, into trying to break a window to get him out. Wow. Who knew that Scandinavian girls had such vile tempers? The ones I knew were big boned stoners with promiscuous streaks and a penchant for skiing naked. Doing everything naked, actually.
Anyhoo, it's funny. I have remarked to Mr. McSlore on many occassions that if I could trade places with anyone in the world it would be Tiger. Now, not so much. Just wait until he receives that clubhouse ribbing from the other pros. Nothing like getting beat by your wife to humanize a fella. He REALLY needs your prayers now.
This is beyond sad. At 2:25 this morning, Tiger pulled out of driveway in Florida, hit a firhydrant that hit a tree and struck his Escalade. He's in serious condition and alcohol is not supposed to be involved. With the recent accusations of infidelity you have to wonder if he and wife Elin were fighting.
Either way, whatever the cause, I hope he makes a full recovery. Watching golf won't be the same without him.
If this were a year ago, I would be making a joke about where Phil Michelson was when this went down, but he beat Tiger this year so it wouldn't be as funny.
So wierd and sad. Ugh. I wish it was a joke or an internet hoax.
It's been a while since I've posted some serious cuteness, and the need to balance out the negativity of the post below is pretty strong. So here he is, Charlie Axel Woods, along with his parents, sister and their adorable puppies. Talk about a charmed existence, Tiger must have gone through some terrible struggles in a past life or something, to be so blessed in this one.
For you golf fans, he is going to finally get back on the fairways next week in the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship in Tuscon, Arizona. He has won this tournament three times already but it has been moved to a new course, the Ritz-Carlton Golf Club at Dove Mountain. I don't know if that will have any effect on his play but I'm sure that the sponsors are exstatic. Having him back will greatly improve their numbers which have suffered quite a bit in his absence.
Happy news for the man who has absolutely everything, especially now that he has a son. Yeah, he had knee surgery last year, and yeah, he lost his dad but look at his life! Have you ever seen pictures of his home? It's bananas retared fabulous, way beyond anything ever on Cribs. His bedroom is like a cube of glass. I'd hate to be the bitch with the windex up in that place.
His wife is beautiful, he makes so much money from so many endorsements he never has to win another tournament, yet win them he does. Did you notice how all the golfers started working out after Tiger talked about it? They had to or they couldn't compete. I can't wait for him to get back out there. I think his first pairing should be Anthony Kim, the PGA fratboy. He'll keep him loose and laughing.
Anyway, we're probably going to have to wait to see the baby. At least until that million dollar check from People magazine clears.
