The Heckler Gets Heckled

I'm going to steal from a fellow blogger and say that this guy deserves an ovation for this! I think that any of you that have worked in the service industry would agree.


Thanks, Leenie!

LeBron's New Decision

Entitled TOOL. He's better than you, ya know. You had to go back to your shitty jobs on Monday. He got to sip Champagne from the finest 2nd place trophy known to man. CHODE.

Caption The Felon, Juicy Schmoe Edition

Here's old Juicy looking like the handsome monkey humper he is! How many years do you think he'll get for fraudulently obtaining his license? I'm starting to think he's doing this crap on purpose so he can finally get away from Tree and indulge in the love that dare not speak it's name. Too bad Miss Andy's not in jail!

Pic courtesy of Radar Online via Terry Aley's twitter. He has a great blog too! http://terryaley.com/

Haters And Ugly Kids

Do you see that link at the top of the page? The one that says 'Next Blog?' I hit it a bunch of times today and surfed blogs that I would never, ever bother with otherwise. First up- an unfunny comedian (no names) who had links to all his internet pissings, each one less interesting than the last.

Then, people that only post pictures of their family members and feel compelled to write things like, "younger grandchild splashing too much in pool." Jesus Crimany, get a Flickr page and call it a day!

Then, three blogs in a row dedicated to fisherman holding up their slimy catch, smiling like they bagged a barracuda instead of a trout. Finally, I lost it when there were three (again!) blogs opining the totally rad lifestyle of the surfer. Out of all these people, these crumb bums were the biggest douchebags. No one else came CLOSE.

One guy, let's call him Sharkfood, tried and failed to seem oh-so cool by informing the world that he was leaving soon to shred in Bali. That's right, SharkChum is leaving his condo in Cali, storing his subaru and leaving these boring environs to be a man and live by his wits (and Daddy's credit card), thereby staving off becoming predictable and boring, a fate worse than death, I tell you!

One thing all these assholes have in common- their outspoken hatred of golf, as if telling the reader "I hate golf!" you gain some kind of instant anti-middle class credibility. Lazy, that's all it is. For all the macho outdoorsyness, it just smacks of lazy thinking.

I know! Post a picture of an E.R. doctor pulling Tiger Shark teeth out of what's left of your thigh. THEN I might believe you're an anti-establishment thrill seeker worth his weight in sex wax.

Good Girls Finish Last

I don't honestly believe that. I'm just busy feeling really sorry for Sandra Bullock because of her cheating husband. She was good to his kids, works her butt off so you and I can enjoy the 9 bucks we shell out to see one of her movies, and she's the epitome of class. Have you ever EVER heard anyone say anything bad about her? From someone who wasn't a jealous cow?
The answer is no.
She even classed up the Razzie Awards by making light of herself with a wagon full of All About Steve DVDs. It couldn't have happened to a more sweet woman. So sad, BUT. But. To paraphrase something I read on Roger Ebert's Twitter- If you can't trust a biker named Jesse James after he leaves his pregnant pornstar wife for you, I don't know who you can trust.
I need a palate cleanse. Here's the wonderful Jason Bateman in a new movie trailer for the film he did with that Aniston wench. God, I hope she doesn't stink up the screen too badly.

And Nightowl from Watchmen is in it too. I might actually rent this at some point.

Those Wicked Pissers Over At NBC

I don't stay up too late anymore. The combination of wine and rising at the crack of dawn sort of keeps that from happening on any kind of regular basis. But I do enjoy the clips I find floating around the interwebs the next morning. Conan cracks me up, Letterman still has it once in a while and Craig Ferguson is an underappreciated genius of Scottish blathering. I could try to recap all the crap that has been going down but why bother when Jezebel has done an amazing job for me?

http://jezebel.com/5445941/conan-obrien-eviscerates-nbc-jay-leno-updated-so-do-letterman-and-ferguson

And poor Carson Daly. Check out the videos there to see what I mean.

Every single one they posted at Jezebel is pure genius and the shirts at NBC are producing buckets of flop sweat this morning, I guarantee it.

Sarah Palin's Book Is Out

Snore.


And if you are like me, you don't want to read it except for the good parts. Azaria over at Jezebel has done just that. She's correlated the bits where Palin blames her failure on other people and says Katie Couric is suffering from "low self esteem."
She also blames Nicole Wallace, a campaign aid, for everything from her bad interviews to the corns she got from walking to podiums.
Okay, I made that last part up, but read the article and watch the video of Nicole on Rachel Maddow's show.
http://gawker.com/5407214/palins-campaign-chaperone-eviscerates-her-for-lying-in-book?skyline=true&s=x

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Here's another site with a scathing review and an excerpt:

http://www.ginandtacos.com/2009/11/17/going-rogue/

If you are in a hurry, here is the succinct version of this review: Going Rogue is shit. It is groundbreaking in its banality and disregard for facts. If you are sentient, it will pain you to read it. Imagine watching your parents 69 one another while John Madden sits behind you and bellows out color commentary and you will have some idea of how excruciating and profoundly scarring it is to plow through each page of this wholly fictional monument to self-aggrandized mediocrity. Going Rogue is to the art of writing what the Holocaust is to the concept of a just God – the piece of disconfirming evidence so overwhelming that we are left questioning whether it can exist at all.

I Forgot How Funny Onion News Was

If I run over Glenn Beck, will I become a national hero? Would there be a Twunty McSlore Day complete with bank closings and keys to the city? Actually, I'd settle for a Target gift card and a dozen Einstein Asiago cheese bagels.

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Help Me, Dr. Laura!

http://imgur.com/1ogI1.jpg

DB1 OWNS Perez Hilton

I hate even posting about that asshole Perez but the blogger of Hot Chicks With Douchebags wrote the best verbal smack-down that I've read in a while.

In case you didn't know, Perez called Will.I.Am a "fucking faggot" and got punched in the head by The Black Eyed Peas' manager. He is making a huge stink about his barely there booboos and is even sueing like the punk ass bitch momma's boy that he is. Take your knocks and walk it off, loser!

Here's DB1's take:

For wasting the collective world's attention on inanity and purile poo, I'm giving a long overdue honorary Douchebag of the Month to ass pimple, blogger and whiny drama queen Perez Hilton.Normally I don't target the gaybags for the simple fact that it is those who douche it up to get the hotts that rankle me.

But for the fact that, despite all attempts to filter any and all knowledge of this Perez Hilton character from my brain, I still know that he got into a fight with William of the Black Eyed Peas last night, pisses me the hell off.After someone emailed me this whining testimonal, it was time to give out an award to this preening, vacuous waste of space.Do I care if Mr. Peas punched first? Do I care that you drew a penis mouth on Lindsey Lohan for the 400th consecutive day in a row?Hedda Hopper called. She says you suck.

You are Warholian superstar pastiche without the self awareness. You are dim echo of 1980s gay counterculture, reprocessed and defanged as a slightly edgier version of the typical host on "E!" You make Michael Musto look like Oscar Wilde.

All the Lohans and Parises and Jessica Simpsons of the world, penises drawn on their faces, will never bring you comfort, Mr. Hilton. Your successful spew is still the spew of 57 websites and nothing on. Except penises drawn on Lindsey Lohan.I may only make fun of Hot Chicks and Douchebags in my little corner of the simulacrum. But at least when I get into fights, I don't think the world needs to know about every detail.

You have become what you beheld, and no amount of ironic name moniker will save you from the fact you are driftwood monkey poo on a sea of crystalline narcissism and overhyped redundancies.Take your blank page and fill it with the latest starlet drama.

Repeat it enough times and the noise will be loud and fame enhanced. But it's simply a feedback loop of white-noise douchosity. Clown.Now get off my internets and go back to penis drawing.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Hints-

No, the lady in the back is not peeing into the potted plant.

Yes, it is very wrong to cheat on your spouse but that's not why this picture is so fucked up.

Keep in mind that this is Fox News. *cough, cough* Sorry, calling it 'news' is a gross exaggeration.

Look at his description.

A little something in parentheses.

Here's your asnswer:

He is NOT a Democrat. Nice try, Fox assholes. Sorry to burst your bubble but Republicans cheat too.

Rummy Gif

Love this.

Hate him.

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/5360/rummy.gif

Thanks, baby.

It's Kim Kardassjizzian's Birthday!