Awards Mean Nothing

Unless you can make it a game! Instead of asking you who you think will win Best Picture, Short Film, Ugliest Outfit, how about we guess what the upset will be? There's always an upset. I'm thinking the Best Picture goes to The Social Network instead of The King's Speech. What do you think?


And here's some awful red carpet fashion, courtesy of Jessica Biel.

You can use the dress to wipe the crumbs out of the corners of your mouth at the Vanity Fair after-party! Smart one, that Jessica. Who knew?

TGIF, It's Almost Time For The Oscars

Will you be watching? Honestly, why bother. Unless you're in a betting pool there's really no reason to, except......EXCEPT, Cameel will be working Showbiz Today's red carpet coverage a mere two days after Kelsey's marriage to his new physical-enhancements-to-be-announced, younger and British-er stewardess child bride. If Cameel doesn't make a couple drag jokes at his expense or say something really inappropriate about sharing diapers with her ex, I WILL BE SHOCKED.


Now someone get out there and find me some flash-tortured emu. I have people to impress!
...and by people, I mean dogs.

I'm Special. Bob Said So

Dear Readers,
I won a super special award! A Spatula Blogger Award! Appropriate since I got whacked with one pretty regularly as a kid.Anyway, I got tagged by Bob from I'm Not laughing as being an enjoyably irreverant blogger, or something to that effect. There's a hitch, though. There always is, now isn't there? I have to tell you crap about myself that you don't know. Well, If I haven't told you, it's because it's none yo bidness, but I'm game. I'll play. Besides, as you all know, I find myself endlessly fascinating. 


Hmmm.
1. I like gay people way more than breeders. 
    Maybe it's because I live in Ohio, but I rarely meet any straight people that I think are worthy of my time. I like the way gay people think. I'm a snob when it comes to the intellectual/sense of humor/creativity of people. I know that sounds bad, but at least I'm a snob FOR THE GAYS. Also, it's no accident that every male friend of mine in high school, save two, turned out to be gay. I even bearded for one. I think that's a rite of passage for a gal like me.


2. I met Gina Lollabrigida and her boobs at an IFC awards thingymajigger.
 I am rarely tongue tied. I was that day. She was 50 and looked like a young Joan Collins. I almost got on my knees to worship her but she was with Richard Avedon and I didn't want him thinking that I was making fun of his height.


3. I have a five head. Always have, always will. Voila:

Look, Chemgal. I too, was a glowbaby!

4. I HATE those commercial with Sarah McLachlan and the abused pets that need to be adopted. It's like, 'Cry! Now give me your money!' HATE.


5. I have a bizarre crush on Eddie Izzard. I can't explain it. I don't even think he looks that good in drag. Oy.


6. My ancestor and Mr. McSlore's ancestor fought over the inclusion of slavery in the Declaration of Independence. Unfortunately, mine won.


7. My Grandfather played with Cab Calloway.


8. I share a birthday with Mother Teresa and PeeWee Herman. FUCKED UP.


9. I modeled Norma Kamali clothes on Attitudes. Remember that show? AWESOME Lifetime camp.


10. I abhor country music and folk rock and will go to my grave clutching Dio and Judas Priest albums.


Okay, now here's who I think deserve awards.


Bob from http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/. for his impeccable taste, clearly. Plus, he blogs religiously and the only thing we disagree about is Bethenny.
Karen from http://itinerantcook.blogspot.com/. She's smart, she can cook and she shares!
Billy from http://billybeyond.blog-city.com/. He also shares. This time it's music and his great photography.
Lady Bunny http://blog.ladybunny.net/ . Yes, she was around before electricity. Yes, she's a filthy old whore, BUT she's one of my oldest and mostest smartest friends.
Finally, Bidz. http://www.bidz.com/ Self explainatory.


Please share stuff about yourself in the comments. Preferably insane and embarrassing.

Right Back Atcha, Buddy

Scary faced actor Mickey Rourke won a Golden Globe last night for his work in The Wrestler and called director Darren Aronofsky a tough sunofabitch, hence the finger salute. Don't you love live TV?