Caption The Housewife, The Horsey Set Edition

For the life of me I cannot remember LuLu's boyfriend's name. He's French and since all French guys are named Phillipe, I'm going to go with that.

Hooker Couture

Lindsay Lohan has new designs for all you gals who like to work in a, shall we say, non-standing position. Most of the line retails for over a hundred dollars, so get blowing!

Just to keep thing extra klassy, Henri Levy is her backer. Who else does he back, you ask? None other than Ed Hardy.

So, if your friend who spent years sketching and sewing, then honing their craft at Parsons, F.I.T. or Kent State, starts to wonder why they can't find work- look no further. Tell them that they might have stood a chance if only their parents had pushed them into child stardom, allowing them to grow up into hot messes of staggering Courtney Love proportions. When does her line come out, by the way?

Keeping It Klassy Part XII

Ah, yes. Is there any better way to start the new year than with a Pammy nip slip? I'm looking forward to many more of those, along with the smeared eyeliner and piquant camel toe. Nobody does it better.

Here's hoping that she keeps at it for years to come. Cheers!

Keepin' it Klassy, Part XI

I didn't know that you could buy trash bags in pink!

Weeell, I'm just going to have to run my little ass right on over to Home Deep-Ho!

Keepin' it Klassy, Part X

Oh Pammy, how I have missed you. I was just remarking to myself the other day that it had been unconscionably long since I had seen hide or hair of your magnificent trashitude. Sigh. All it took was a knight in shining armor named Richie Rich to bring your inflated bosoms and deflated tushie out to play. I read that this was a fashion show and that you are on a runway. So, I ask you, where are the damn clothes?!?

Keepin' it Klassy, Part IX

Our pammy is on the cover of Serbian Playboy! Yay, you! So proud.
Our Pammy spares no expense when it comes to the fabulous couture gowns she packs in her satin lined luggage. The Balkans deserve no less.

Did grover vomit on her skirt after he stuck his hand up there and stole her Spanx? And Serbian Playboy? Do they advertise mail order brides in the back pages? Do you think that the girls are harrier? I sure hope it's more like Hustler than American Playboy. The pictures in that magazine are shot through more Vaseline than an episode of Drag Race.

Our sweet Pammy. She works hard for the money. I think it's time to call Tommy Lee and get a boost in spousal support. Put your feet up, eat a truckload of Peta approved snacks and give that snatch a rest!

A Red Carpet Joke

You evil, evil queen, you!
I admit it, I laughed.

A little background; it was the Transformers premiere and La Lohan arrived halfway through the movie. Klassy.

Keepin' it Klassy, Part VIII

Our Pammy was at it again at an AIDS charity extravaganza in Europe this weekend. It looks like the event was a circus or something because why else is that guy in the last photo dressed up like a ring leader or master of ceremonies? Can you imagine what it's like to be in Pammy's shoes? Like living in a coke and champagne fueled Fellini movie, only with more STDs.

R.I.P. Natasha Richardson

1963- 2009

I really hate to be wrong, especially in this case. I thought that Jade Goody would be the next to go, I mean she's already laid up half conscious on a 24/7 morphine drip. But no, it had to be Natasha. Gorgeous, classy, talented and respected, plus married to Liam Neeson who I hear is packing very large. So sad. Can you imagine? You tumble down a bunny hill at a ski resort and die? My friends would never stop with the jokes, I could be 30 years in the grave and they'd still joke that it was my last 'blonde moment.'
Anyway, my heart goes out to her entire family, especially her kids and her mom. It has to be God awful to bury a child.

Keepin' it Klassy, Part VII

Somebody's boobie fell out at the Vivienne Westwood show and it wasn't the designer's. It was our Pammy's! Here she is, whipping her niplage out for no good reason. It looks kind of weird, right? Either she had too many operations or her bustier smashed it. Doesn't matter, just as long as she keeps on making me smile.

Their Moms Must be So Proud

When I woke up this morning I realized that I haven't posted any drunken skanks in a really long time. I am so sorry.
Consider the situation rectified, courtesy of the classy ladies of The Rock of Love Bus.

Keepin' it Klassy, Part VI

Our Pammy is back and in fine form at the Richie Rich fashion show. It looks like she hogged all the backstage Champagne again. C'mon, Pammy! Leave some for the poor emaciated models! Everyone knows that Champs constitutes 99% of their caloric intake. The other one percent is made up of the Strawberry Quik they cut their cocaine with, or so I hear.

Keepin' it Klassy, Part V

Our Pammy is back! I'm so excited, even if this picture is a few days old! Here she is, chicer than chic in her teeny tiny shorts, really rocking that camel toe. And that bag is huge. What is in there? Her valtrex? A keg? The rest of those shorts? You are probably wondering where she is going in that glorious outfit. A Pussycat Dolls show? A Playboy shoot? The gynecologist? Nope. She's picking her son up from school. Oh Pammy, Pammy. No wonder your kid hangs his head in shame and grew his hair to cover his face. I hope he grows up big and strong because he's going to be teased until he graduates.

P.S. I purposely did not include the picture of her with her son, he doesn't need any more humiliation.

Keepin' It klassy Part IV

This is Victoria Silvestedt. She enjoys membership in that exclusive club of bikini models and Playboy spreads, champagne in the Grotto and private jets to exotic locales. Notice anything different about her in this photo? Something somewhere between her calves and her thighs? She has band-aids on both knees!

This picture was taken at a party that Tommy Lee DJ'd so I'm going to take a wild guess that she has now joined another club. The one that involves blow jobs behind the turntables and industrial carpet burns. Congratulations!

Keepin' it Klassy Part III

And I'm sure that there will be a part 4 & 5 & 6, that's pretty much a given.

Here's Pamela Anderson doing that magic show stuff that she does which I assume is impossible for her to do with pants on. Love you, Pammie! Keep it up!

Keepin' it Klassy, Part II

HepC McLeprosy is still classin' up Art Basel in Miami.

Beauty, almost ethereal in nature, poise a Vanderbilt would envy, and make-up application done by fairies kissed by Jesus.

Angels weep at the sight of her. No. Seriously. They do.

Keepin' it Klassy

Because that's what our Pammie is all about, CLASS! And understated elegance. And appropriate attire. And enviable taste. I mean, show up to an important art exhibit like Art Basel in Miami Beach in just panties and a tshirt?! Whatever do you mean? Perish the thought! Well, I never!!