The Week In Weiners

This was quite the week for my favorite body part, and there is something for everyone after the jump. NSFW, DUH!

Reddit Cartoon

Story of my life. And don't give me any grief. Just wait til you see the ring it got me!

Go The Fuck To Sleep

I've been there, babysitting a kid, a niece who would NOT sleep. I ended up propping her in a chair in front of MTV. Maybe that's why she only listens to Christian rock these days. Rebellious, I tell you!


It's an actual book that you can buy at Borders. I already have it on my list for three people I know. HILARIOUS, plus Samuel L. Jackson. How do you beat that?

Liz Taylor Nude

Say it isn't so! 
Oh, who am I kidding? Who doesn't love to see naked celebrities?
Picture taken by Roddy McDowell as a present for Michael Wilding when Liz was 24. 

This BITCH

I am not used to eating a lot of sweets. I LOVE chocolate but I restrict myself to one square of awesome orange infused organic hippie shit or one freaking Hershey Kiss. Last night I ate the piece of chocolate cake (and acoutrements above) and you would think I ate an entire Entenmann's triple layer monster 3 pound yule log. My body rejected it like a bad kidney transplant and I threw up for the first time in years. It was as if my mouth was Cameel's ass. :(

It was delicious, though. So I'll probably do it again. 

Thank you, Chocolate Bar!

Johnny Carson Has A Potty Mouth

Roger Ebert tweeted this funny little out-take of a tonight show commercial for a feminine hygiene product. I wonder what he would think of all the boner ads we have to endure now. It's so freaking annoying.

Speaking of dead people, and annoying, Old Rose from Titanic died. She made it to 100, though. I'll be lucky if I make it to 60. Never fear, I plan on annoying right 'til the end.

Sticking It To The Man, Ginge Style

Nerds Know How To Have Fun Too, You Know

Forbidden Love

Cat falls for Chihuahua. Chihuahua does not return the favor. Date rape ensues. Struggle is one sided. Restraining orders are procurred.
This is some PePe Le Pew shit. Poor puppy.

Let's Bring Streaking Back

Hell yeah! I love it! Awesome! Let's do this!
you first

The Radical - watch more funny videos

Vent Anonymously

If you have a gripe that needs to be heard but you can't or won't use your name, there is a website just for you.
http://ventanon.com/

You can bitch at your boss, your boyfriend or your neighbor without getting in trouble. Yay!

I'm surprised that it took someone so long to think of this. It's much better than confession and you don't have to do those annoying hail marys and stuff.

If anyone out there knows Kanye West, send him the link. It might be the best PR move of his life.

Here is a particularly lovely entry:

Fuck you!!! You Fat 35 Ugly Bitch!!! You said don’t worry I don’t think I can have any kids and will get an abortion if you want me to…FUCKING LIES!!! You gutless whore!!! 3 Times I got drunk enough to fuck you and you fuck me over like this? I should falcon punch you in the stomach over and over again!!! You knew you couldn’t get any real man to fuck you anymore because your ugly as shit and over weight!!! My moment of weakness and for what?!!! Shitty blow jobs and horrible sex when you fart twice and get dry?!!! My god what was THINKING?!! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

Is That A Ham In Your Pocket?

I realize that some men can be pigs but holy smokies!

Found at WOW, courtesy of James St. James

A Woman After My Own Heart

I seem to have sex on the brain today.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/42452492.html

I Started Knitting Again

Gynecologist Bids $69 on Price Is Right

And Drew Carey loses it.

Nazi Prostis

There is a new book coming out called Annees Erotiques (Erotic Years) about French prostitutes and the Nazis they serviced during the occupation. I'll read it if I find it at the library but I'm no big fan of war stories so I'm not going to go out of my way to buy it. It has tons of sex stories, though, and it gives me an excuse to post half naked women.

I wonder if they shaved their heads after the war was over, like they did to those Dutch girls who slept with German soldiers in Band of Brothers. I can't even imagine what it would be like to live through a terrible war like that and what you might do in order to survive. Lying on your back doesn't seem like such a hard way to earn your baguettes and croissants. I bet they smelled, though. Hygiene wasn't what it is now 60 years ago. Plus, nobody was circumsized. Can you say gonorrhea?

iMoan

It's official. With the added feature of myMessage on your iphone, it now can do everything including get you off.

If you’re stressed or just need a quick pick-me-up, let myMassage provide you with quick relief. MyMassage will continue to vibrate if you turn the screen off while it’s running, great for situations where you don’t want your “myMassage” time to be interrupted by a distracting screen.

TMI and I Don't Care

I sent this to my boyfriend and he told me that my skin is looking a little dry.

You Can Buy Anything On Amazon

See the puppy? He's been naughty. He says he's sorry. So am I, but blame Tobie if you click on the link below. She's the one who sent this to me.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0010MNLUI/ref=nosim/?tag=jc0c-20

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Hope you enjoy this lovely day full of imbibing and singing old Irish shanties. Parnell's, the Irish pub around the corner, was already packed when my boyfriend passed by at 7:30 a.m. I'm not sure that I'll do any drinking today but I do like a wee bit of the mushrooms found growing in County Cock, I mean Cork! Stay safe, everybody!

The Stranded Irishman
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over ten years, saw a speck on the horizon... He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years" replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there, removed a flask, and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too?!?"
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!