Go Ahead, Laugh

It's monday and fat people that break chairs always make it better.

EMBED-Huge Girl Breaks Chair During Dance - Watch more free videos

American Nightmare

They should show this at Denny's.

Blob On Board

I've been lazy lately on this blog, mostly posting videos. As soon as the weather gets shitty again (I'm in Ohio so it shouldn't be too long) I promise to post more than the latest crap from youtube. Until then, fat guy does split, gets hernia- yay!

I Don't Feel So Bad For Having A Little Tummy

Look at this guy. He used to be a dancer. Then he married Britney Spears, divorced her and is living the high life off of the settlement. Pot+plenty of money+Papa John's on speed dial=BELLY OF THE WHALE! Dayum! And I beat myself up for my little muffin pouch. Sheesh.

Photoshop Fatties

This was created as part of a promotion for Sony Playstation. I don't care, it's freaking hilarious but can they make Kirstie skinny? How about Rosie, or Roseanne?

DB1 OWNS Perez Hilton

I hate even posting about that asshole Perez but the blogger of Hot Chicks With Douchebags wrote the best verbal smack-down that I've read in a while.

In case you didn't know, Perez called Will.I.Am a "fucking faggot" and got punched in the head by The Black Eyed Peas' manager. He is making a huge stink about his barely there booboos and is even sueing like the punk ass bitch momma's boy that he is. Take your knocks and walk it off, loser!

Here's DB1's take:

For wasting the collective world's attention on inanity and purile poo, I'm giving a long overdue honorary Douchebag of the Month to ass pimple, blogger and whiny drama queen Perez Hilton.Normally I don't target the gaybags for the simple fact that it is those who douche it up to get the hotts that rankle me.

But for the fact that, despite all attempts to filter any and all knowledge of this Perez Hilton character from my brain, I still know that he got into a fight with William of the Black Eyed Peas last night, pisses me the hell off.After someone emailed me this whining testimonal, it was time to give out an award to this preening, vacuous waste of space.Do I care if Mr. Peas punched first? Do I care that you drew a penis mouth on Lindsey Lohan for the 400th consecutive day in a row?Hedda Hopper called. She says you suck.

You are Warholian superstar pastiche without the self awareness. You are dim echo of 1980s gay counterculture, reprocessed and defanged as a slightly edgier version of the typical host on "E!" You make Michael Musto look like Oscar Wilde.

All the Lohans and Parises and Jessica Simpsons of the world, penises drawn on their faces, will never bring you comfort, Mr. Hilton. Your successful spew is still the spew of 57 websites and nothing on. Except penises drawn on Lindsey Lohan.I may only make fun of Hot Chicks and Douchebags in my little corner of the simulacrum. But at least when I get into fights, I don't think the world needs to know about every detail.

You have become what you beheld, and no amount of ironic name moniker will save you from the fact you are driftwood monkey poo on a sea of crystalline narcissism and overhyped redundancies.Take your blank page and fill it with the latest starlet drama.

Repeat it enough times and the noise will be loud and fame enhanced. But it's simply a feedback loop of white-noise douchosity. Clown.Now get off my internets and go back to penis drawing.

Did Karl Lagerfeld Invent This?

We know from his advice columns that he thinks that the western world is too fat but this is just too evil. Even for him. I give it two days before that bench is vandalized by a chick on a sugar crash. And I hope she films it.

Miss Aretha Can Get Away With Wearing Anything

Who does she remind you of in this photo? I'm thinking of a certain John Waters movie star who passed away shortly after filming the original "Hairspray." Someone who will live on in my imagination forever for tearing an umbilical cord with her teeth and eating freshly squeezed out doggy butt nuggets. One of my first encounters with how insanely wonderful a truly sick drag queen can be. And I was hooked for life. As I told Ru yesterday, if it wasn't for all my drag friends in my NYC years I would have had very little social life. So, worship your local gender illusionists! And don't forget that January if officially Drag Month so you only have a few more days to celebrate. So break out those heels and pencil in those eyebrows and show your pride!

For those of you who haven't seen the movies I am refering to, the drag queen is Divine.

Fatty!!!!

The ever-so-quotable Ricky Gervais is at it again, this time it's a case of no sympathy for the chubby. He thinks that gastric surgery is ridiculous when you could just go for a jog, and he wants people to call him "fatty" when they see him on the street to shame him into losing weight. This is my favorite part, though;

"in supermarkets, the really fattening stuff should be behind a really thin door. Shops should be full of salads, but if you want to get to the pies and cakes, you've got to crawl through a little tube."

Christmas Takes Its Toll

Daniel Craig eating Ruffles potato chips. Look! He has a little holiday belly! How cute! Mine is not so cute. Mine is approximately ten times the size of that, filled with pretzels, chocolate, pork roast, deep fried tortillas and Hooters' wings. No lie. Please pray for me as I begin to suffer by eating salad, steamed fish and veggies so that I can fit into something other than holey sweatpants. Yay. Diets. And people like Madonna eat like this every day voluntarily? Assholes. Yes, that's right. Today everyone is an asshole.

Now Mike Tyson Has Two Things Going for Him

He's got a terrible lisp and now he's fat too! Get in line, girls. He's mine!

Photo from some nerdy video game awards nonsense.