Homeless James Bond

Years ago, I watched a move with some friends where a bunch of intrigue surrounded a junkyard and the filthy people that lived there. It was called Street Trash and it was absurdly hilarious and rotten to the core. I must find it again! And here's the trailer. It's like a homeless Citizen Kane!

Boyz To Manzo

Okay. Where to begin. 


First of all, I can't think of two more boring people on this planet than Albie and Cwistfuwr. They make Stephen Wright look like a crack head. Second, why do they have a red carpet in their apartment? They live in Hoboken, not Hollywood! Thirdly, I love Greg. I have loved him since last season, mostly because he's hot and has a cute dog. Yes, I know he's gay, but he's the only one with a personality and I would watch these 'webisodes' (LAME. What does Miss Andy pay you in, Maker's Mark?) if they were solely about him. 

PofW Music Video

Hello, fellow goobers. I am a wee bit burnt out from all the recap catch-up lately, so here's a charming video to watch. It will make you thankful for who you are, what you look like and how many brain cells you have, kind of like watching the Housewives.

The Summer of Trash

Let's see. The New Jersey Ho-Down starts next week, those other Jersey Shore bores will be in Italy, Audrina continues to be a mess, and there are new 16 & Pregnant and Celebrity Rehab seasons to get riled up over. In light of all that, 'Ice Loves Coco' might be the classiest of them all. What a weird world we live in.

If you want a break from the trash, there's always Deadliest Catch and porn!

Mob Wives Open Post

It's only a couple hours off, the premiere of Mob Wives on VH1 at 8. I thought we'd run down the personalities with a short bio of each girl from Staten Island. 
First up is Drita.

She's from a tight knit Albanian family that are none too pleased with her marrying into the mob. Her husband is in prison for robbing a bank. They've been married for 12 years but have only spent 2 of those years together because the dud sucks as a criminal. This one probably has some financial problems.

Real housewives of New York City Recap: The Medium Is The Message

I was actually going to title this episode 'Getting Others To Do Your Dirty Work,' because Jill Zarin's filthy little fingers are all over what happened this week, even if she barely appears on screen. Suddenly Sonja is a condescending bitch? That makes so little sense that my brain naturally went to assuming that Jill was filling her head with nonsense. If I'm wrong, fine. Either way, Sonja's a big girl. She said what she said and she did what she did, she needs to take responsibility, and most of it was AWFUL. 

By the way, Countless, if you're on a reality show? I'm pretty sure you forfeit your right to claim higher social status. Emily Post said that, I think. Or was it Markie? Who cares? The point is, LuLu does care, when it is of absolutely zero importance.

I must say that this episode got me pissed off. I do not understand how grown women can act like such children with absolutely zero self awareness. The whole class bullshit that permeates the narrative is completely beside the point. People are most comfortable with others in their socio-economic strata. We know that, but how is Alex below all these women that married into money and barely contribute to anything other than their own self-aggrandizement? Her only real fault is that she doesn't know how to argue, and she doesn't understand that getting things done your way is better accomplished behind the scenes when you aren't a good verbal sparrer.

The reason why the Sonjas and the LuLu's of the world act high and mighty to the Alexes is a simple one. It's fear based. When your self worth is contingent on something as nebulous as your seat in the social hierarchy, you live at the mercy of changing winds. At any moment you could lose your wealth, your title, your home, your boy toy, or whatever it is that got you there in the first place, especially when you contribute nothing monetarily.

SO, I'm getting off my soap box and on to the March For Equality!

Outrageous Kid's Parties!

First of all, TLC needs to change the name of their network or stop showing pure unadulterated trash like this! A $12,000 party for your hillbilly trash kid? What the? Save that money and get this kid some braces and an elocution coach. 


Second of all, who in the fuck names their kid 'Aniston?'  Angelina Jolie haters, I presume? I wish I hadn't seen this. It makes me stabby. 

By the way, that girl is retarded. I've got ten year old shoes with more brains.
Here's the link if the video wasn't working- here

Mob Wives

I saw this on Stoopid Housewives site and had to share:

Mob Wives |Full Episodes |Reality Shows |TV Shows
I don't know about you but I'm going to at least give it a shot. I'll watch the first episode just to count how many times they bleep these feral hos and their trashy mouths! EPIC.


Premieres April 17th on VH1, the epicenter of crap television!

Caption The Housewife, Makin' It Rain Edition

That guy looks a lot like Jason. So THAT'S his job!

Bonus, a Tweet from Leather. Perhaps the most real and authentic thing she has ever said.

Caption The Housewife, GlamourBot Edition

Whoa, she's barely recognizable before the nose job and lip filliers!

As an added bonus, here's her Halloween costume. Pretty appropriate.

Junk Food For Your Mind

So, I was on the phone with my friend K-Bird when she brought up the subject of trashy books, something that I had no idea that she enjoyed as much as i did! There is one particular Summer when I wasn't dating anyone special and I went through my weight in cheesy library-provided biographies, like that huge one on Marlene Deitrich (which I now own) and some juicy tome by Cybil Shepherd. So, time to fess up, what's your favorite trashy book? 

West Virginia's Funniest Home Videos

I am embarrassed to admit that a lot of these people are from Ohio. The sad truth is that half the single mothers south of I-80 work at Walmart and still need a WIC card to get by. I hate this place. HATE.

Trash Humpers

That is the title of a new strange film by Harmony Korine. I'm guessing that the premise is a comment on American culture and it's love of the lowest common denominator. It looks weird and non-sensical in that art house way that is so popular with film students. The film is so all over the place that it makes Pink Flamingos look like it was written and performed by The Actor's Studio. John Waters will probably give it five stars.

Housewives Are Back

We had a two week hiatus from the hoes over the holidays but now they are back in all their stomach turning glory. So, what happened on the show? Go read my recap. It's overshadowed by the news that Simon Blarney filed for divorce from Tamra Sue. What a soap opera, only those are better acted.
I read the dee-vorce papers over at Radar and he doesn't have to put down any reasons for splitting since California is a no-fault state, but he does. Hmmmmm. Bitter, much?
I think that he wants to get back at Tamra for leaving him so he cited disloyalty and infidelity with a heaping side helping of verbal abuse. I always wondered what a typical Sunday dinner in Orange County was like. Now I know.
Here's the link to read my latest take on these whores over at TVgasm-

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/real-housewives-of-orange-county/real-housewives-28-11407.php

One more thing, how much do you want to bet that Tamra is diddling her realtor buddy Marcos? He looks a lot like Simon, only he has money, and they do spend an awful lot of time in empty houses with plenty of bedrooms. Naughtay. I hope he starts texting damaging information to Gretchen. How perfect would that be?

Real Housewives Say Merry Florida!

It is the last recap for 2009 and this week was a doozy. It took me forever to get it done but I hope that it's worth it for you guys.
What a bunch of cunts (love).
Linky: http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/real-housewives-of-orange-county/real-housewives-27-11315.php

Come Vomit With Me

This is the part of the week when I remind you to feel free to read my latest shitty Daisy of Love recap. If you choose to accept this mission, feel free also to throw poo at your screen.

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/daisy-of-love/daisy-of-love-e-8-10041.php

The Eternal Wisdom of Dawn Davenport

I could have played Taffy with one hand tied behind my back. Not that I was a brat or anything, I just liked to act when I was little. I'm still not sure why the neighbors called me "blonde demon."

New Daisy of Love Recap

Daisy of Love is no Drag Race and I'm not sure that anyone that reads my blog is actually watching this piece of trash VH1 reality show, but Flipit assigned it to me on TVgasm and I was more than happy to do it. It is a treasure trove of whoredom served on a heaping platter of loser drunk douchiosity. In other words, don't even bother watching it because I am here to do that for you and provide plenty of nasty commentary. In my mind, this is why these shows exist; so that I can make fun of them and then cry into my empty wine glass about the sorry state of television and the never ending demand from the public for lowest common denominator fast food entertainment. Read it and weep. But catch a few laughs along the way.

Here's the link:

http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/daisy-of-love/daisy-of-love-e-9585.php