Trying To Make The Winter Fly By

Ah, yes. Winter in Northeast Ohio. It lasts so long and is so dreary that people in their 30s fly south for those awful months like so many bloated Goldfinches. Me, I choose to stay here. I like a little dark with my light, a little salt with my sweet and a little depression with my joy. I still try to combat the blues, though, mostly by getting off my ass and doing things and going places, like Pittsburgh.


Pittsburgh, you say? How in Saint Morgan Fairchild Hell is that getting away from it all? 


Well, let me start with our charming hotel. It's called The Priory and it's a beautiful, restored Parsonage attached to a small sanctuary that wealthy Pennsylvanians book for wedding receptions and the like. I think it would be great for a Halloween party. (I hate weddings. They just seem like a giant exercise in Bride's magazine show-offery and coupledom mutual masturbation, BLECH)

The hotel's ceilings are high, the lighting fixtures are ancient and the atmosphere is one of naughty gaiety. We arrived Saturday night to a crush of revelers in the lobby enjoying a beer or ten before heading off to the wedding reception to listen to slurred speeches full of forced hilarity and watch Auntie dance with her favorite 'nephew.'


We steered clear of that mess and strolled down the hall to our room. There were all manner of lovely artifacts placed here and there and it took all my powers of self control not to steal this hat box that was just sitting on an antique table.

Alas, my backpack was too small. (makes mental note to hit Gander Mountain on the way home)


Get a load of this lovely mini-priory! I can just picture some pious, but perpetually bored man of the cloth wiling away the hours with some brandy and glue.

Okay, maybe not so mini, since it was four feet tall, and not so gluey since I spy a clamp. What are you going to do? Brandy doesn't make a monk so handy. Handsy, yes.


This is the bar. Surprisingly enough, we spent no time there. The Bota beckoned (or was it Cardinal Zin?) and I was still a bit nauseous from my new glasses. I hate them. Lasik, here I come. 

Yes, that is an old bank safe acting as the bar storage. Somebody doesn't trust their employees....
Or the guests. Hmm.


The next day we attended the Penguins' hockey game where the boys in Black & Gold prevailed over the Capitals and their much diminished prowess, and then we headed back across the 9th Street Bridge when we were overtaken by a tall ginger with giant mittens. I called him Hellboy O'Brien. Hubby trumped me by calling him Hillboy O'Brien. Teehee, inbred jokes.

As much as I love Pittsburgh, I have to admit that it does give off that not-so-faint whiff of third generation first-cousin marriages, which is where we come full circle, or should I say 'circular.'

Which is what passes for curtains 'round here.


What, no comics? Those are so much classier.

What It's Like To Be The Puck

Just don't get too drunk first!

Kris Letang At His Best

I know that most of my readership is made up of people that could give a rat's ass about hockey, but Kris Letang is exceptional. I'll watch this enough for all of us anyway.

Canadians Riot After Vancouver Loss

Wait, WHAT?


The second I typed that I felt like I fell into a parallel universe. Aren't Canadians always harping on us down here in the United States about how we're so much more violent and they are superior in their civilised ways? Not when it comes to hockey! And I'm cool with that. Have you ever seen a soccer melee? It makes this look so lame. Actually, Saturday nights on West 6th Street make this shit look lame.

Pens vs. Sabres 6th Row Center Ice

It didn't suck.

Of course, I had to get all creative with the pictures, because I can weild a mean camera phone. Don't hate!

Because I love you so much, here are my nostrils. I am also biting my lip because a certain someone looked at me. And I'm not talking about the fat guy in front of me or the Pantomime Penguin.

Completely obscene video to follow.

Joey The Junior Reporter

Watch a five year old interview members of the Chicago Blackhawks. Extreme cuteness ensues.

The Ballad of Kris Letang

As you all know, i have a soft spot for hockey, and hockey players in particular. I also have a huge soft spot for the Penguins' Kris Letang, not least because he looks a bit like Mr. McSlore. Little nose, pretty lips, soft hazel eyes, will break your bones if you let him. 

Let's look at some eye candy, mkay?

For Coleen

I keed, I keed!!
Ha ha, your present is after the jump.

It's A Shirtless Post

Yesterday was a huge day for me. The hits went through the roof so I've decided to gift all of you with one of the more popular themes from Twunty blogging of yore- half naked hockey players! It's my way of thanking all of you for reading. (as if I needed a reason to post hot men, sheesh). So, happy opening day, everybody. Go Pens!


Many more after the jump!

If They Wanted To Make The Point That Hockey Players Are Ugly

A simple picture of Ovechkin would have done quite nicely.

Teddy Bear Mass Suicide

I blame Jon Stewart.
http://twuntymcslore.blogspot.com/2009/11/hysterical.html

The Next Sidney Crosby

He's only 9!

First Great Fight of the Season

Parros has 83 fights since 2005, Scott has only 5. This video shows why most players aren't stupid enough to take on the 6'8" Scott. There are some nice close ups at the end of fist meeting face. Not even the power of the pornstache and 70s hairdo can save Parros and that's just sad. Just kidding. Puhlease! It's freaking hilarious.

Hossa Photoshops

For those of you that don't follow hockey, Marian Hossa left the Penguins last here to join the Red Wings because he felt that the Pens didn't stand a chance. Well, we all know how that turned out, the Penguins won game 7 in dramatic fashion and brought The Stanley Cup back to Pittsburgh.

The Pensblog has been receiving Hossa photoshops for a while now but waited until Saturday to put them up and they're pretty funny. I especially like the Geico one, above.

Here's the link:

http://www.thepensblog.bloguin.com/pensblog/june-2009/hossa-photoshops.html#JOSC_TOP

The Red Wings on the Cover of Sport's Illustrated

Yeah, it's only available in regional markets where their fan base is located but can I put in one teesy weensy request?

Please, please, please let the legendary SI cover jinx commence. The Pens nation thanks you.

Pure Joy

I am sending this picture out to my friend Mandrake who is not feeling so well right now. You know that I love you. And I know that you can ride out the storm. Big kiss.

The Pens won on Tuesday and just look at the crowd's reaction to Talbot's goal. I love the two little kids on the upper left with their little "holy crap!" expressions and the blow-up doll face on the chick at the far right. There is nothing like an arena full of thousands of screaming fans.

Pens Have A Date With Lord Stanley

The Penguins beat the Hurricanes 4-1 inn game four and are headed to their second straight appearance in the Stanley Cup finals. I'm spent. Let's go Pens!

NHL Separated at Birth

I used to love the old Spy magazine. Their Separated at Birth columns were hilarious and the first of their kind. S.I. are a little harsh with some guys (Ovechkin) and too kind with others. Here's a link to Sport's Illustrated's hockey version:

http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/gallery/featured/GAL1154532/1/index.htm

Celine Dion Wants to Own the Habs

From The Hollywood Reporter:

TORONTO -- Canadian pop star Celine Dion, Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte and Quebec cable giant Quebecor Media have emerged as potential bidders for the Montreal Canadiens NHL team. Quebec broadcaster Radio-Canada said Wednesday that the Bank of Montreal has signed confidentiality agreements with 10 potential suitors who have until 5 p.m. Thursday to submit formal bids to 80% majority owner George Gillett, a Denver-based sports team and events promoter. Other interested parties include U.S. investment firm Spectrum Equity; Montreal businessman Stephen Bronfman of Claridge Investments, a cousin of WMG chairman and CEO Edgar Bronfman Jr.; and the Caisse de depot et placement, a provincial pension fund giant. In addition to picking up the hockey team, a Canadiens buyer would acquire the Bell Center arena in Montreal and a concert promotion division. Gillett also owns Richard Petty Motorsports and the U.K.'s Liverpool soccer club.

Can you imagine? I hope she knows her hockey because if she actually does buy one of the oldest teams in the league, the press are going to be relentless. And why does the female owner of the Indians from 'Major League' keep popping into my head?

Hockey Players Are Dicks

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.