The Real Housewives of Disney

Starring Lindsay Loham!


Don't call it a comeback......no, seriously. DON'T. The rest of the show was unwatchable. Plus, The Zarinmonster was there. Nuff said.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Vilest One Of All?

Whose voice shrinks men's balls up into their body cavities? Who makes sweeping generalizations of all men, including gay ones? Who miraculously still has a job yet has never been successful at it? Who tells women to amp up the titties while dumbing themselves down, all for the right RICH guy, of course?


Why, it's Batty Canker, of course!

Thank you, thank you to the geniuses over at Vulture. Their NY magazine recaps and TV reporting are my favorites by far.

Joel McHale on Conan

He really does hate those Kunts, doesn't he?
And we agreed that if Joel says it, it doesn't count as an actual KKK post, right? Good, because he's funny as Hell, and I still love Conan even though I never seem to be awake or sober enough to hit the DVR when he's on.

The Walken Dead

Did anyone watch the premiere of Walking Dead last night, or were all you bitches too busy watching Tre's head spin around? Ah, yes. The beauty of October and all the scary programs on TV!

Shannon Tweed Is PISSED

I admit that when Mr. McSlore first told me that Gene Simmons and his girlfriend of 27 years were really, truly fighting, I assumed it was a publicity stunt. Not anymore! This clip has to be seen to be believed. I don't think I've ever seen a man more uncomfortable, and thank you, Joy! Thank you for articulating my exact feelings when it comes to reality shows these days. I've pretty much had it with them, almost as much as Shannon has had it with Gene. 


I may actually watch this now. Will you?

Real housewives of New York City Recap: Heads Will Loll

Hey, all! Jill the evil bitch is back! Not that she was ever really gone in the first place. She just tried to wreak havoc behind the scenes, failed, and is now regurgitating blogger lines, Tammy Sue style. Remember last year when I said, in reference to Jill, that saying something doesn't make it so? Well, I should be so proud and flattered because she used that line against Ramona. Stop stealing my material, Jill! I work hard on this shit!

Should I send her an invoice?

The Summer of Trash

Let's see. The New Jersey Ho-Down starts next week, those other Jersey Shore bores will be in Italy, Audrina continues to be a mess, and there are new 16 & Pregnant and Celebrity Rehab seasons to get riled up over. In light of all that, 'Ice Loves Coco' might be the classiest of them all. What a weird world we live in.

If you want a break from the trash, there's always Deadliest Catch and porn!

Another Preview Of Bravo's Wild Kingdom

And freaking learn to close you param brackets in html, Bravo! I have to fix that shit every time and my time is valuable. Unlike Greggy, I actually DO dole out regular blow jobs, sheesh!

Real Housewives of New Jersey Preview

They remain as classy as ever. The new girls look as bad as Teresa, total bitches with shitty style. Label Whores that think they're Faaaah-byuh-lusssss! 
I think this May I might actually puke on my TV. No lie.

Deadliest Catch Season 6 Review

I'll go into more detail in my recap, but here is a short synopsis of the last season. It was jam packed with heart wrenching drama and actual death. RIP, Captain Phil.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: It Takes Discipline

Whether you are growing a successful business or trying to make your marriage last, you need a healthy dose of hard work and discipline, not to mention a mean left. 

Oh, Crackie! How we could have used your spanking talents when Slurry's kids were running amok! Don't let it go to waste again. Take a swing at the producers next time and wake them up into writing some decent scenarios. I am nodding off over here!

*Yawn* 

I swear the dog fell off the bed while we were watching. The thud almost drowned out the other dog's snores.

Real housewives of New York City Recap: Bumbling Blundering Artless Wonders

Here we go again! I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Much has changed except for the bile that rises in my throat whenever Jill shows up. I cannot stand that woman. I can honestly say that there isn't one person on any of these shows that pisses me off more, and why is she back anyway? It sure isn't to redeem herself because she's the same exact bitch as last year, perhaps even more unapologetic, if that's even possible!

Let's get reacquainted, shall we?

Caption The Housewife, Wonder Dog Edition

The big premiere of RHoNY is tonight FINALLY. Are you excited, or are you preparing to be disappointed like we were with Miami and Orange County? I am. I'm also preparing myself for the preposterous excuses that are sure to come out of The Zarinmonster's mouth.

Ka-Boom

It had to happen sooner or later. It's just the law of physics. 
Last night Maks's thigh gave out as he was hoisting Kirstie Allie into the air as Somewhere Over The Rainbow played in the background. There is a God.
I know I'm a bad person. We established that a long time ago. I laughed and laughed, not just at Maksim & Kirstie, but at the entire concept of dancing to a traumatic moment in your life, I mean who's going to beat Petra and her Tsunami ordeal? You'd have to book beat-up Rhianna or Jennifer Hudson and her 3 dead relatives story.
I sure hope Kirstie sprung for some pie and ice cream after the show, you know, for insurance. Next time Maks may not drop her on her ass. 

Caption The Housewife, Clitoria Edition

I'm switching things up and doing a plant this time. It's more interesting than these bitches anyway!

Mob Wives

I saw this on Stoopid Housewives site and had to share:

Mob Wives |Full Episodes |Reality Shows |TV Shows
I don't know about you but I'm going to at least give it a shot. I'll watch the first episode just to count how many times they bleep these feral hos and their trashy mouths! EPIC.


Premieres April 17th on VH1, the epicenter of crap television!

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Strangerize in Paradize

If you had asked me a month ago who my favorite Orange County housewife was, I would have said Gretchen in a heartbeat. As soon as I knew that Jeana was leaving, I put all my eggs in her basket, a HUGE mistake. She's just as bad as the rest of them, only she was made likable by playing the good guy to Tamra's big, bad bitch. If only these women would just BE, instead of trying to appear as something they're not, like happily married to a sleazeball!

But at least you accessorize him so well!

The more someone insists on something, the more I'm inclined to see it as a cry for help. Bravo, bring back my fun bitches, this is just funny, I mean sad!

Caption The Housewife, Makin' A Buck Edition

Caption The Housewife, Zombie Bethenny Edition

If you watched the show Monday night, you know that Lady B is back to being her good old abrasive self. We get it, you are a big city girl and you think that everyone that lives in a small town is inbred and probably shtupping barnyard animals. Podunk towns are cheap, uncultured and worthy of your contempt to be sure, but do you have to say it OUT LOUD? This girl has no filter and the ratings are down significantly. Last year's premiere snagged 2.2 million viewers. This year- 1.5. I guess it's hard to get people to watch you bitch and moan all day when you're not riding the crest of a wave of sympathy courtesy of Jill Zarin's evil personality.

Plus, she's a producer on her own show. I would think that it would be wiser to put the reins in someone else's hands, if only to give the illusion of objectivity. This just smacks of too much control over what we, the viewer are allowed to see and what scenarios are conjured up. 

In light of what we saw this week, I think she should have made herself an editor instead.

Man Meat Mauricio

Since I won't be done with the recap until tomorrow, here is what we've all been waiting for, what Cameel salivates over every lonely night and Kyle gets to gnaw on at breakfast, lunch and dinner, Mauricio! 

I was thinking about it today and I think that Bravo owes us for swallowing all the 'entertainment' they send our way, the Jill Zarins, the Salahis, the Mallard Mouths. They owe us BIG and I would like to see them start with an entire day of hot men chosen by us, the loyal viewer. You know who I want. Who would you ask Miss Andy to oil up and put on display? It's nearing Christmas. We've been good!