Epic Meal Time For Your New Year's Drunch

It is almost that time again, folks. New Year's Eve- to drink or not to drink? To party with no worries or to party while respecting all those hangover prevention tips that are flooding every damn website right now. I plan on drinking a bottle of wine or two, acting a fool at home with my husband and chowing down on some kind of pork, preferably with bones and fat. The next morning? Who knows. It depends on my hangover level. I may just have to hair of the dog it. Also, I have not gone out on New Years in ages. Why? Because I do not wish to get a DUI or get killed by some asshole who is too cheap to get a hotel room or a cab.


All of that aside, this is just some next level shit. Just don't watch it if you have a stomach ache.

Merry (?) Christmas From Lady Bunny

Right back atcha, Bunyon!

C'est Wrong, C'est Wrong!

Someone stop her before she sings(?!?) again! Dude, you are NOT RuPaul! Get over it.

Caroline's New Handbag Line

I can smell the cheese from here!

Caption The Housewife, TMEYEbleed Edition

Once again, Retchin' makes an outstandingly goofy face while describing Eddie and Tammy Sue Bob's lip locking. I forgot to use it yesterday, so you get to caption it. You better bring value to her life!

Caption The Housewife, Piano Legs Edition

It looks like old lush Kim D is vying for the Alex Bad Posture Award. Good Lord.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Jockeying For Position

Like in any good horse race, the fillies of Orange County are sizing each other up and trying to maintain whatever position they have while keeping from falling on their faces and having to be shot. It is not pretty. Actually, it's downright UGLY, just like Tamra's wedding dress, and with boxes just as hideous, I presume.

Let's head out to the track and try not to fall asleep on our mares!

Caption The Housewife, Beverly Hills Kumquats Edition

Hey, Kyle! Nice underarm labia!

A bonus Kelly tweet for the Bronx cobra that never actually went missing in the first place. Dun DUN.

What A Pig

Right now I am sipping my coffee and feeling like crap. I've been fighting a bug for weeks now and it's finally taken hold. That's the bad news. The good news is that I'm not married to a worthless piece of shite like Jimbo. God, he's disgusting. The recap will probably not be up until tomorrow, so go ahead and tell me what you thought of his Season 6 debut last night.


Added bonus, Jimbo pointing at the house he USED to own.

Caption The Housewife, What, No Tan? edition

New Video of Season 4 of RHoNY

Silex. Oh boy. The words 'pink nightmare' come to mind.


Wow. Does everyone hate Alex? Interesting...


April 7th, people. Shit is going DOWN.

Caption The Housewife, Blair Witch Stick Edition

Looking more beautiful than ever, Stretch Armstrong showed up at an American Idol shindig last week. If she  eats that fur in slow motion, I am going to kill a scarecrow.

Booger Buddies

So, the Steelers won last night, which makes me pretty happy. I'm still struggling with the fact that Ben is a rapist (ALLEGEDLY, pfft) but I find my way around that by rooting for other teammates like Mendenhall, Mewelde Moore and Hines Ward. Troy didn't factor as much as I would have liked, but beggars can't be choosers and a win is a win. I did catch the booger wipe and I was buzzing pretty hard but I think they replayed it on air. Maybe boogers are Sanchez's kryptonite?

Caption The Housewife, Don't Choke On Your Communion Wafers Edition

Mallard Mouth has a line of couture *choke* dresses coming out in January, exclusively for Fredericks of Hollywood! Look how busy that fabric is, perfect for hiding the epic jizz of your loan shark husband!

I Am Not The Only One

Remember what I said about women wearing leopard? Here's another opinion-
http://jezebel.com/5678695/stop-trying-to-make-leopard-happen

How Do I Say This Delicately

PMS SUCKS.

Add to that the fact that every muscle in my waistline hurts because I tried to demolish several golf balls yesterday. I need to do yoga again. 
Big dummy.
The good news? The dogs slept through the night. The bad news? I still woke up with a uterus.


And how do I get this gif to work? Joe? Anyone? pfft. 

Walmart Has Only THE Most Classy Clientele

Here's proof:

Mr. McSlore and I don't often patronize The Walmart. I lack the fortitude to shed blood for close parking spaces and the sales girls look down on me because I don't show any flesh, wear pjs in the dog food aisle or weigh enough to set off seismic alarms. But if seeing strippers passed out in shopping carts is a regular occurence, I'm willing to change my ways.

Boobs Everywhere

I promise to never complain about my boobs ever again. EVER.

http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/

Good Girls Finish Last

I don't honestly believe that. I'm just busy feeling really sorry for Sandra Bullock because of her cheating husband. She was good to his kids, works her butt off so you and I can enjoy the 9 bucks we shell out to see one of her movies, and she's the epitome of class. Have you ever EVER heard anyone say anything bad about her? From someone who wasn't a jealous cow?
The answer is no.
She even classed up the Razzie Awards by making light of herself with a wagon full of All About Steve DVDs. It couldn't have happened to a more sweet woman. So sad, BUT. But. To paraphrase something I read on Roger Ebert's Twitter- If you can't trust a biker named Jesse James after he leaves his pregnant pornstar wife for you, I don't know who you can trust.
I need a palate cleanse. Here's the wonderful Jason Bateman in a new movie trailer for the film he did with that Aniston wench. God, I hope she doesn't stink up the screen too badly.

And Nightowl from Watchmen is in it too. I might actually rent this at some point.

Top 20 Five Second Films

Not for the kiddies, especially babies. Trust me.