Is This For Real?

MTV has a new show on it's lineup starting December 3rd called 'Jersey Shore.' It stars a bunch of kids in their 20s living in a shore house together a la Real World. They are basically douchebags but the producers call them guidos, like it makes it better. Even the girls on this show are vile so it should be fantastic. Can't wait! It's like an early Christmas present from DB1!

I Forgot How Funny Onion News Was

If I run over Glenn Beck, will I become a national hero? Would there be a Twunty McSlore Day complete with bank closings and keys to the city? Actually, I'd settle for a Target gift card and a dozen Einstein Asiago cheese bagels.

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

The Ed Hardy Boys

Two douchebag posts in a row. Woo hoo.
It's funny, though.
I'm curious. Does anyone that reads my blog wear that shit? Used to but doesn't anymore? Anybody? Anybody? Didn't think so.

The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle from Jon Daly

Upside-Down Weebil

What is the deal with this guy's body? He is super top heavy with wide swimmer shoulders and a tiny lower body hidden by a 95 pound coed. Dude needs to alter his weight lifting regimen. Maybe he's compensating for something? Awwww, sad.

Found at Hot Chicks With Douchebags

Michael Lohan vs. Nene Leakes

Good God, one of her buhbies weighs more than his brain and balls combined. He's an asshole, she's a famewhoring queen and when the two of them fight over anything approaching integrity it turns into a wrestling match where the winner is determined by who can shout the loudest and the loser is the one who takes his toys and goes home. Guess who wins.
Bitch, please!

Apology Form

A certain friend of mine who I've known since college is having man troubles. It seems that all he's meeting these days are flakes and clueless douchebags, guys who say one thing and then do another. We've all been there, right?

I would like to offer him the apology form. As soon as they start spouting excuses after showing up an hour late and then hit on the asshole you work with, just hand it to them and walk away. Or pour your drink on them.

Click on the image for a larger picture.

I Don't Feel So Bad For Having A Little Tummy

Look at this guy. He used to be a dancer. Then he married Britney Spears, divorced her and is living the high life off of the settlement. Pot+plenty of money+Papa John's on speed dial=BELLY OF THE WHALE! Dayum! And I beat myself up for my little muffin pouch. Sheesh.

Enter The World of a Douchebag

He's British, he calls girls "birds" and his screensaver is a picture of his naked torso. I can smell the self tanner and limited edition Louis Vuitton hair gel from here. Run, girls of Manchester, run!

Stampede of Manscaped Fauxhawked Guylinered Bad Tattoed Masses Expected

An Ed Hardy sample clearance sale means that the world may soon be in need of a new douchewear designer or better yet, the iminent demise of the douche altogether. A girl can hope.

Rummy Gif

Love this.

Hate him.

http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/5360/rummy.gif

Thanks, baby.

Line Up, Ladies

Meet Brad Gellert. He is a soon to be single guy living in Florida, the state that ranks third behind New Jersey and California in producing douchebags. I think this guy is trying to single-handedly move his state up in the rankings. Look at his shirt! That is what he was wearing when the cops picked him up for choking and beating his wife. So if you come home and your husband is wearing this t-shirt don't go, "Awwww, honey! That's so sweet!" Run for your life.

A Florida man was arrested for allegedly choking his wife during an argument in their Tampa-area home. According to a police report, the 32-year-old financial consultant got into an argument with his wife and “screamed at the victim and threw numerous items.” He then allegedly “grabbed the victim’s neck and strangled her,” which “prevented the victim from breathing normally.” [as strangulation so often tends to do] Gellert’s wife subsequently fled the couple’s Apollo Beach home and went to a nearby sheriff’s office to report the incident. Investigators noted that the woman had been “taken to the ground by the arrestee [clearly employing the "ground & pound" method of spousal abuse] and suffered an abrasion to her knee and red marks on her neck.” [TSG]

How to Spot a Liar

My boyfriend has taught me a thing or two about how to tell when someone is lying by watching their facial expressions and body language. I can be a bit too trusting so any little bit will help if I can figure out if someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes. This Gretchen chick from The Real Housewives of Orange County is a classic case. Watch her, she's completely unable to keep her mouth from trying to jump off of her face, she continually shifts her eyes to the left when she's speaking and her posture is alternately defensive and attacking. Her legs remain tightly crossed throughout and I bet you could crack walnuts between them. Even if you don't watch this show or simply hate the housewives on principal, it's still an amazing case study in mendacity. She would have better served herself by telling Tamra it was none of her business instead of making herself look like a fool. Painful to watch.
By the way, the Bravo channel website is one of the worst TV websites out there. Their videos only work part of the time, the design sucks and they need to get full episodes up like most of the other ones do. There is no rhyme or reason to when they post pictures and I pity anyone who has to recap these shows without them. They need a new web designer, stat.

The Real Housewives Of OC Reunion: Gretchen VS. Tamra
by TheDlisted

New Media Douchebags

We've all been there. Someone you know thinks that their life is so bloody fascinating that they do constant Facebook updates and Twitter like there is no tomorrow. It's like a high school popularity contest, only more meaningless. Andy Warhol is proven a genius, once again.



Thanks, Tobes!

You Couldn't Stop for Ten Minutes?

I hate these girls with their sense of entitlement and the fact that they are an utter waste of space. I realize that Paris attracts a lot of attention and with the way the economy is right now, it's every designer for themselves. But, do you think that Pamella Roland is going to invite these two to her Spring collection next September? After they texted throughout the whole show? They were in the front row! Next to gorgeous Nigel Barker, what nerve!

My New York friends are telling me that there are fewer shows with fewer seats than last year, so it is hard to get an invite to any of them. It is a priviledge to go to any these days. Heck, I'm here in Ohio and I can only dream about going. Why do you think I keep posting pictures from all these shows?

Nigel should have smacked both of their phones out of their hands but maybe he was afraid that he'd catch something, or maybe he was TOO BUSY WATCHING THE SHOW!

Done ranting. Fell much better.

Epic Fail Tramp Stamp

It's pretty obvious that I love the Steelers and my boyfriend can prove it by the high stress alert he'll be on this weekend for the Super Bowl, beleive me. But this Steelers tramp stamp seems mildly retarded at first until you realize that the signature she had tattooed next to the half naked chick belongs to a HCwDB all star and Steelers kicker, Jeff Reed. Look at that hair. Just be happy that I didn't post the picture of him with a bare chest. I'm feeling nice today and I spared your retinas from viewing his sad, droopy pepperoni nipples. Oh, and I take it all back if he wins the game for us on Sunday.

Keeping it Klassy: Men's Edition

There haven't been any really great crackwhore pictures of Pammy Anderson lately and that makes me sad. To make up for it I give you Illinois Governor Blagojevich, signing some Cubby fan's boobage. At least he did it over her clothing. The little boy in the background is not pleased. He's all, "Why does mommy have to act like such a slut in public? And for a stinking Governor? The least she could have done was get an actual ball player to sign her shirt."

Jarkko Ruutu is a Biter

I'm sorry, but what a bitch move. He's up there with Sean Avery and Mike Tyson now. Damn. He didn't bite anyone when he played for Pittsburgh, so why is he starting now? Almost bit all the way through Peters' glove too. He should have bit him back Hannibal Lector style and taken his whole nose with him.

Your Daily Douche

Vomit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I have to watch this)

Is It Retarded?

Bristol Palin popped her kid out yesterday, a little boy that they named Tripp. You heard right, the idiots named him Tripp. Only one of two things could possibly make you name your newborn baby Tripp. Either it's an homage to Levi Johnston's mother's career path or they're big fans of cheap East Village bondage clothing. Assholes.

Creepy Old Man Magnet

I can't remember when it started but I've always seemed to be the perfect type for leering older men. I could be in Antarctica studying penguin mating habits and some weird old professor would probably track me down and make my life miserable.

Anyway, I'm standing in our local upscale grocery's check out line when I notice that behind me there's some dude 20 years older than god giving me this really wide pervy smile. He's fit, he's wearing jeans and a sweater probably designed to make him appear hip with the younger cats out there, but still obviously an older douchebag.

So he leans into me with that Polident toothiness and whispers, "I really like your hair."

I say thanks and for a moment contemplate leaving it at that but he continues to eye me like a complete fruitcake so I grab a few strands and I say, "You know, it's getting pretty long, doncha think?" Then I look him right in the eye, lean in and whisper, "And they say all lesbians have short hair, hee hee."

He backed away immediately.