Boo!

Last year we gave away 12 pounds of candy. The year before that, we bought bags and bags of fruit roll-ups to pass out. All our friends warned us that if we didn't give out something more candy-ish we were going to get egged. Well, guess what? All they wanted were the fruit roll-ups! They wouldn't even touch the Snickers or the Butterfingers.
Now I can't even find them anywhere. Bummer. I guess the kids will just have to make due with all that leftover Krackel.

It's A Shirtless Post

Yesterday was a huge day for me. The hits went through the roof so I've decided to gift all of you with one of the more popular themes from Twunty blogging of yore- half naked hockey players! It's my way of thanking all of you for reading. (as if I needed a reason to post hot men, sheesh). So, happy opening day, everybody. Go Pens!


Many more after the jump!

Real Housewives of Atlanta: The Emperor's Old Clothes

Hello fellow Fuck Sluts! I'm back and happy as a clam to be recapping those gloriously hot and messy Atlanta hos! And we've got a new ho, and another on the way! The reality Gods are smiling down on us. Oh, wait. That's Miss Andy, grinning maniacally in his wine sipping chair. What I wouldn't give to whack him with one. Dude is seriously off his rocker, but that's a topic for another day. On to the hos!

Trippy Projection Onto A Building

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em.

Cigar Guy Is Everyone. Cigar Guy Is YOU

Maybe you heard that Tiger hit a shot at this weekend's Ryder Cup that hit a photographer for The Daily Fail. The guy got the perfect shot of the golf ball coming right at his face. Heroic, I tell you, and not the first time Tiger has unexpectedly launched balls at anyone.

I know. Don't beat me.

Anyhoo, look at the goof with the cigar. As you can guess, someone got a hold of photoshop and the results are a Reddit sensation.

Sadly, cigar dude couldn't save Tiger and the U.S. lost to Europe by one stinking point. Cheaters.

And yes, everyone and their whore of a mother has posted this, along with their own version of the ball joke. If anyone asks, I thought of mine first.

Who Is This Person and Why Is He Trying To Look Like Beef Jerky

Seriously, anyone know?

Spot the Unexpected Guest

Ryan Reynolds Shirtless

You know. Just because. I love Mr. McSlore, don't get me wrong, but random half naked boys are MANDATORY in real life.

Plus, PUPPIES. Nom, nom, nom.

It's Almost Housewives Time

Yes, that special time of year when I will be recapping again. This time it is Beverly Hills and Atlanta. I'll be putting in my usual 5,000 words and being completely ruthless and obnoxious. So, basically this will be no different than the TVgasm days. Can you guess who I cannot stand on Atlanta? Did you guess 'all of them?'

Yes?

You win.

As for the Bev Hills gals, all I can say is that it will be a relief to recap a group of tightly pulled and generously pricked over-the-hill whores with piles of money. Those of you that read my O.C. recaps remember how utterly joyless it was to skewer people at the low point of their lives, no matter how heinous the behaviour that got them there (hello, Slurry and Frankenfailure- I'm looking at you).

So, I will see you soon and in the meantime I will be posting the usual nonsense.

xxxxxxxxoooooooooo

Tony Curtis Dies

So sad. Before you know it, all of old Hollywood will be pushing up daisies. Who's left, Kirk Douglas?

The good news is that the star of Some Like It Hot died in his sleep lying in bed next to his wife. I feel terrible for her, but there really isn't a better way to go. He was 85.

Mike Tyson Can't Dance For SHIT

Voi-fucking-la-

Every Little Step with Mike Tyson & Wayne Brady from Mike Tyson

Freaking Chipmunks

So, Mr. McSlore and I were backing out of the driveway on our way to pick up some gold paint at Home Depot when,

This little guy popped out from under the hood! What the....? Then I remembered. Two years ago we took the old Subaru in for maintenance and guess what the mechanic found? An entire chipmunk nest somewhere nice and warm where the babies wouldn't get immediately decapitated if they wandered too far from their momma's itty bitty teaties.

Now I live in fear of turning the car on, hearing a faint scream, and then lifting the hood to find chipmunk kabob.

What It's Like To Be Me (Circa 1991)

Johnny Carson Has A Potty Mouth

Roger Ebert tweeted this funny little out-take of a tonight show commercial for a feminine hygiene product. I wonder what he would think of all the boner ads we have to endure now. It's so freaking annoying.

Speaking of dead people, and annoying, Old Rose from Titanic died. She made it to 100, though. I'll be lucky if I make it to 60. Never fear, I plan on annoying right 'til the end.

Segway Owner Dies in Segway Crash

I kid you not. They found the Segway and the owner of the company face down in a pond. No foul play is suspected. I blame those awful runners and bicyclists that take over our parks. One of them probably wouldn't make way, and he lost control. Or maybe he killed himself for creating one of the goofiest modes of transport EVER.

Anyhoo, it's like dying while running after writing a book on running or getting a fatal heart attack after estolling the merits of eating mostly meat and fatty food. Would never happen, right?

The cosmos has a sense of humor. Clearly.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/BUSINESS/09/27/uk.segway.death/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn