Monday, August 30, 2010

I Used To Get Paid To Wear Stuff. Or Nothing At All.






I'm going to start a regular feature where I post pictures from my modeling days in the heady eighties and early nineties. It's all Tobie Wan Kenobi's fault for sending me pictures from a photo shoot that I forgot about and LOVE. Sometimes the obscurely published stuff is some of the best. This one is for my friend Thomas's clothing line that I think we did in 1986. He made amazing stuff out of old Levi's. I still have the white and red jacket he gave me as payment. AWESOME guy, almost as awesome as Tobes.

Haters And Ugly Kids


Do you see that link at the top of the page? The one that says 'Next Blog?' I hit it a bunch of times today and surfed blogs that I would never, ever bother with otherwise. First up- an unfunny comedian (no names) who had links to all his internet pissings, each one less interesting than the last.
Then, people that only post pictures of their family members and feel compelled to write things like, "younger grandchild splashing too much in pool." Jesus Crimany, get a Flickr page and call it a day!

Then, three blogs in a row dedicated to fisherman holding up their slimy catch, smiling like they bagged a barracuda instead of a trout. Finally, I lost it when there were three (again!) blogs opining the totally rad lifestyle of the surfer. Out of all these people, these crumb bums were the biggest douchebags. No one else came CLOSE.

One guy, let's call him Sharkfood, tried and failed to seem oh-so cool by informing the world that he was leaving soon to shred in Bali. That's right, SharkChum is leaving his condo in Cali, storing his subaru and leaving these boring environs to be a man and live by his wits (and Daddy's credit card), thereby staving off becoming predictable and boring, a fate worse than death, I tell you!

One thing all these assholes have in common- their outspoken hatred of golf, as if telling the reader "I hate golf!" you gain some kind of instant anti-middle class credibility. Lazy, that's all it is. For all the macho outdoorsyness, it just smacks of lazy thinking.

I know! Post a picture of an E.R. doctor pulling Tiger Shark teeth out of what's left of your thigh. THEN I might believe you're an anti-establishment thrill seeker worth his weight in sex wax.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Shaggy Androgyny


This is Freja Beha Erichson, Danish model on the cusp of super. I found her over at Jezebel and my first response was, "Oh, they're putting pretty boys on the cover of fashion magazines, yay!" You can never have too many pretty boys around. Then, I took another look and realized it was a 'she.' A she that looks like a gorgeous version of Robert Mapplethorpe's muse, Patti Smith. Do you love the hairstyle? It's straight out of Dazed and Confused, which is fine with me. I am loving the 90s revival this year, even if part of it involves a proxy 70s revivel. Everything old is new again, and I'm totally rocking tights and pleated skirts this Fall. I don't care what anyone says.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Today Is My Birthday



I am 29 & 34/2! I don't feel a day over 12! Really! I don't! If you don't believe me, look at all these exclamation points! What grown woman does that?!?
(I'm drunk. duh. it's 7:45. it's a miracle I'm still standing)
Look at the cake Mr. McSlore got me!

Wooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Don't Mess With Betty

Do you get as annoyed by Kristen Bell as I do? Don't you just love it when some marginally talented pea brain insists on referring to themselves as an "Ack-tohr," emphasis on the Ack? That Sarah Marshall movie would have been nothing without Russell Brand's brazen bawdiness and the cuteness of Mila Kunis. Kristen was just filler, and who doesn't love Sigourney Weaver reciting her resume? Very cute clip from Funny or Die.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Andy Samberg On Drugs


Did you know that there was actually cocaine in the first incarnation of Coca Cola? Can you even imagine? Kinda explains the industrial revolution along with the squalor, not to mention the insane blood letting in the wild west. Ha, who am I kidding? Coke wasn't as popular back then, was it?
I had to give up the Diet stuff. Aspertame is the devil. It is. Do your own research. Just buy the yuck tasting stevia stuff they sell at Whole Foods and poor some cherry juice in it. OR live with cancer-like symptoms, unpredictable periods and periodic mood swings, YAY!

Boobs Everywhere


I promise to never complain about my boobs ever again. EVER.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Better Jupiter Than Us

Funny thing is, whatever hit the planet is probably the size of earth.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Dave Mustaine Smells Good


It was Tuesday. The weather had broken for 24 hours, just long enough to do some yard work and head up to Joseph Beth to get an autographed copy of Dave Mustaine'e new autobiography. For any non-metal heads out there, he was a founding member of Metallica, has been in rehab 17 times and fronts the highly successful, both critically and financially, band Megadeth.
We approach the facade of the store, and what's that I see? A little placard notifying the customers of today's luncheon specials? Must get a closer look..

How heartwarming! I wonder if Dave had a hand in this? He's changed, you see. He CARES. He doesn't smoke dope or screw random women while spreading disease from Boston to Vancouver. Not anymore.


The line is long-ish. We wait for twenty minutes with me trying to think of something clever to say which is probably the precise thing that you don't want to do. We get closer until the guy right in front of us is talking to him.

I want to request for him to write 'Lars is a fruitcake' in my copy, but completely lose my nerve when I see his impatience with the tongue tied and star struck military guy in front of me.
It's my turn and all I blurt out is "You smell good." Waaaaaahhhh!!!!

By the way, the book is really good. It has your usual tales of a woebegone childhood and a drug addled rock God lifestyle, but it's written in a frank no-nonsense manner that anyone can appreciate. It's just a damn fine read. AND it answers the question I always wanted to ask- what the hell happened to his arm?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Britney Spears And The Letter 'L'

I never noticed how she exaggerates her tongue motions when singing the letter 'L.' Please tell me that a gay guy did this and not a perv. Thanks.

It gets gross after a while, no?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

God Save My Sinus Cavities


Oh, for fuck's sake, what? A perfume named after an iconic punk band that disintegrated decades ago. why? And listen to this- it has notes of patchouli in it. HIPPIE OIL. Whose bright idea was this? Isn't Malcolm McClaren dead? I'm so confused. They should have just slapped the label on a bottle of poppers.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Self Improvement

So, after a long day of yard work and the subsequent aches and pains, I had an idea. Time to mix it up and find a new workout, something to really get those juices flowing and inspire me to great heights of personal excellence. Would it be yoga? Pilates? African dance? Nope, something far greater than that. Here is a tutorial on my new exercise regime!

Maru Super Slow-Mo

My eyes, my eyes! He's eating my soul with his eyes!

Great Article On Narcissists


I read this article this morning in The Huffington Post and the first person that came to mind was Jill Zarin, of course! All you Gasmii out there know what I'm talking about, and I know from your comments that you know a couple in your own lives. What's great about reading the link, though, is that she gives you advice on how to deal with them. Basically, never share anything too personal with them or rely on them for emotional needs. These people will never be more than aquaintences, and don't try to make them into anything more. That kinda sucks if you happen to be related to one, or worse, MARRIED to one.
Linkypoo:



Once again, the music at the beginning is AWFUL. A pathetic piano diddly-boo hoo.