Speaking of Strange Animal Behaviour..

Does the Orca want to play with Sparky or does he want a puppy brunch?

Cat And An iPad

If you have any pussy/pad jokes, feel free.

Kick Ass Hit Girl Trailer

There is a tiny uproar in the media over the character of Hit Girl in the new movie Kick Ass. Some say it's just as inappropriate for a pre-teen girl to engage in comic book style violence as it is to show her sexualised in any way. All I have to ask is- would it be any better if it was Hit Boy? Plus, it was a complete shocker to hear words like 'cunts' and 'fuck' come out of her mouth. I'll wait until I see it to pass any sort of judgement on the film but I have to be honest. I laughed. At least she's killing bad guys, right?

My Puppy Army

This is how I feel right now. We've had five dogs for three weeks out of the last four, and I am beginning to lose my mind. It's like the house burned down and I had to move in with the Bumpus's. Throw in a puppy with a UTI that needs to be let out every fifteen minutes and a Corgie mix who thinks that you are his personal slave and you have all the makings of serious writer's block. The good news- I have a new sense of respect for my mother and her ability to raise five kids. The bad news? I may give in to my urge not to lock the gate the next time I let them out to pee.

How Was YOUR Weekend

This lady spent hers running in the surf and swimming with her baby kangaroo friends. I spent mine cleaning up dog piss. I win!

Also, we went to the band lottery show where I proceeded to get wasted because I didn't have time to eat after cleaning the fryer after Mr. McSlore was kind enough to remove the dead bloated mouse from it's contents. Deee-lish wings for dinner? You don't say! Hey, why does this one taste like Mr. Jingles? I thought he was immortal. Waaaah!
Then we went golfing on Sunday and I shot 90. Yay! I have never shot 90 in April, NEVER. It's usually 120, or something in the general 30 handicap range (that I have grown to know very well).
THEN, I am surfing the web without the aid of baby roos and discover that a guy I dated eons ago is on TMZ cuz he beat his wife. That's funny. When we were together, I beat HIM. At everything. He was kinda not-exactly Mensa material.
So, THAT was my weekend. How was yours?

The Easter Bunny Pooped All Over These Poor People's Yard

If you live in the Cleveland area like Mr. McSlore and myself, you picked up your Sunday paper only to see a picture of this lunatic's home on the front page of the Metro section. We had to go to Euclid to see the M-I-L, and I made my baby drive past the house. I believe that the couple's expressions reflect the fact that Napa was barking at them like a maniac, or it could have been because I rolled down the window and yelled, "Get a hobby," in honor of Bethenny Frankel Hoppy.

Seriously, do you know how many rounds of golf I could enjoy for the price of all that sherbet colored crap? And the neighbours must LOVE them. Cars go up and down the street all damn day and then they get out and walk all over everyone's yard. It's a good thing they don't live near us. We have a shotgun in the house, and Mr. Mcslore is always saying how the world is over-populated, if you get my drift.

The Boobdocks Are Coming Back

May 2nd, set the date.

This Is How Bunny Makes The Bed

Happy Easter and Passover everybody!

Alabama Famewhoring, Woo Hoo

This woman is insane. She is known for nothing, she makes hideous hats and runs around with her own Asian paparrazi. If Michael K hadn't made a star(?) out of her, James St James would have never spent the day with her. Still, I love that she sleeps with a gun under her pillow and calls Prince von Asshat a bitch. Someone needs to write a movie for her, something a little Shakes the Clown would be awesome. It would be a chronicle of the international supermodels retarded exploits, throw some espionage in there and call it Fire In The Hole.

Good Girls Finish Last

I don't honestly believe that. I'm just busy feeling really sorry for Sandra Bullock because of her cheating husband. She was good to his kids, works her butt off so you and I can enjoy the 9 bucks we shell out to see one of her movies, and she's the epitome of class. Have you ever EVER heard anyone say anything bad about her? From someone who wasn't a jealous cow?
The answer is no.
She even classed up the Razzie Awards by making light of herself with a wagon full of All About Steve DVDs. It couldn't have happened to a more sweet woman. So sad, BUT. But. To paraphrase something I read on Roger Ebert's Twitter- If you can't trust a biker named Jesse James after he leaves his pregnant pornstar wife for you, I don't know who you can trust.
I need a palate cleanse. Here's the wonderful Jason Bateman in a new movie trailer for the film he did with that Aniston wench. God, I hope she doesn't stink up the screen too badly.

And Nightowl from Watchmen is in it too. I might actually rent this at some point.

Fashionable Teabags

Since I'm always traipsing through my house in the latest couture gowns and fancy bejeweled frippery, these are simply a must! I'll save them for when Lady GaGa comes over for some Earl Grey in a fortnight's time, and we can sip from my fine china whilst stroking the dogs and giggling over boys, silly silly boys. Pinkies raised, of course!

(I don't know about the Donatella one, though. I'm worried that the tea will end up tasting like a big old coke booger)

Mackenzie's New Look

She spent $50,000 on all her surgery with the intention of making the outside match how she's feeling on the inside. She looks better, no doubt about it and I hope she doesn't ruin it by going back to the drugs and alcohol. Now, if she could just quit smoking. Doing that might prove to be the hardest task of all. Good luck, Mack. I wish you well.

It's Derivitive But Not In A Bad Way

Twilight Zone Sketch

Jude Law hosted this week before SNL takes a month long hiatus, only to return with Tina Fey on April 10th. Then we get Betty White's long awaited Mothers Day show. I'm never awake so I get all my clips off the internet. This one wasn't too bad until the ending, which was stupid. Jude has the 50s acting style down pat and I love the Belushi-esque monster.
Now fucking start writing like you give a crap, SNL writers. I'm sure that there are plenty of people out there that would love to take your place.


And if you throw in Kristin Wiig's goofy actress and a Russian ballet dancer, I can'y help myself. I will watch.

Gabby Sidibe On The Soup

This is really cute. I love her. She sounds like your typical mallrat teenager but she has balls of steel. She seems to really enjoy her newfound fame and has fun with it without making fun of others or developing a huge ego. She's the perfect sleepover friend, plus a great interview at the Oscars. Never change.


And what in the hell is wrong with these queens? Did they take too much Amp before the show? I love a good queer but this is ridiculous. You'd think they just came out or something and have all this pent-up FABULOUSNESS that they have to express immediately. And the talking over each other has got to stop. I never liked it on The View, I hate it on The Housewives and here it seems forced and faux cheeky. VOM.