TGIF With No Rapture For YOU!

So, once again the supposed 'rapture' has come and gone, yet here I sit, untouched and unscathed. How could that be? I've been really good and pious and grateful and nice! I recycle, I compost, I am kind to animals, annoying old people and even screaming brats at the grocery store. What do I have to do, bleed from the palms? Endure another Inquisition while giggling like Anderson Cooper? Heal LINDSAY LOHAN?


Fuck it, it's cold, I'll make a fire.

Since we're probably going to be here through another long freaking Winter while all the sermonizers waft to the heavens like so many Led Balloons, Mr. McSlore built us a right proper wood rack for the sunroom. It only took him an hour and a half!

I think someone might be getting lucky tonight! 

What are YOUR plans?

Robert Downey Jr. In Drag?

NOT a good look for him. 


The movie opens just before Christmas.

BonnaRuse Line Up

Spot on, HA!

The Real Housewives of South Boston

Since Bravo has jumped the shark with every single branch if the franchise, we might as well get some laughs out of the parodies. Here's the Southie version-

The Walken Dead

Did anyone watch the premiere of Walking Dead last night, or were all you bitches too busy watching Tre's head spin around? Ah, yes. The beauty of October and all the scary programs on TV!

Unbelievable Last Lap In Bike Race

You almost hate for one of them to lose!

More Is More

What assezzeries will you be rocking this fall? I'm going with panties.

Wozniak Remembers Steve Jobs

The big guy is pretty awesome too. It must be hard to lose such a close friend.

LMLMB's New Look

I was getting so freaking tired of the strain on my eyes that I decided to make a change. It's a simple one. I still like the layout. I just didn't like the black. My only problem is that the light blue is so BORING. Any ideas? 


I think I'll go meditate in church and see if I can come up with anything. I mean, meditate to SLAYER, of course.

The Cat Whisperer

I love the super close-ups of maru that I just posted but it was severely lacking in the humor department, so here's this one. The two minute mark with the ID is brilliant! Don't spoil the moment by watching after that. Trust me. It's all downhill from there.

The Cat Whisperer Channel
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Kitty Porn

Maru wants you. He wants to sink his paws into your rug and violate your box. 


What? He does! I saw him jumping out of one from UPS just last week.

9/11, Ten Years Later

When I was little, my parent's friends' big social/political question was, 'what were you doing when JFK was shot?' I got a bit older and it became, 'Did you know anyone who was there for the Kent State shootings?' Today the big topic is, 'What were you doing when the towers fell?' 


. I was at home in Medina, Ohio getting ready for work when they were hit. I would turn The Today Show on at 8 a.m. as I ran around the condo, showering, grabbing sips of coffee and getting ready to drive up to Brunswick and my job as the bar manager at Johnny's, a nice family-style restaurant that catered to the more careerist residents of the town, as opposed to the farmer hilljack assholes that seemed to produce 75% of the offspring up there. Your average people populated the place, cops, teachers, computer programmers and alkie real estate agents. The cream of the Brunswick crop.


As soon as I saw the footage of the first plane hit the North tower, I called my brother who is an architect. He said that the structure would survive as long as none of the support beams were hit, clearly harking back to the first bombing attack which happened in the 90s when I was still living in New York. That was when terrorists placed a bomb in the parking garage but miscalculated on where to put it. Thank God for stupid terrorists! Too bad they weren't as bad the second time around.


Then the second tower was hit as I watched live on TV. I called my Dad. First words out of his mouth were, 'terrorists.' I was aghast. Terrorists weren't on my radar then. It had been almost a decade since the first attack, clearly we had learned something from that. Why would anyone do this? We Americans were happy then. We were flush. Life was good. War was the last thing on anyone's mind. This was the beginning of the end of that blind happiness. This was the beginning of a lot of scary shit. Things I thought I would never see, because we all move forward and do better than our ancestors, right? Did I really believe this? That younger generations improve upon the past? Such is the short sighted stupidity of the young.   


Odd off-topic fact. My father died on 9/11 three years later. That was a weird day too. Story for another time.


At work, I was readying the restaurant for the 11 a.m. opening, rushing around, cell phone attached to my ear, trying to contact my friends in New York. Zero luck, total freak out. In my mind, there was a reason I couldn't reach them, and it was a bad one. I didn't know that everyone across the country was having problems, not until I got home at 6.


Later, after I found out that my friends were safe, I found out that one went through a particularly harrowing experience at Ground Zero. He was working in a building right off The World Trade Center's plaza. He and his co-workers were told not to evacuate, it was too dangerous with all the debris, fuselage and human. After dealing with the agonizing sight and sound of those that jumped to their deaths, he and his co-workers got the hell out of there. The towers fell shortly thereafter. He arrived home covered in dust. I cannot even imagine the nightmares he must have. It makes me tear up to this day.


I can't claim much trauma beyond what any American felt that day. Sure, I lived in New York for almost a decade. Sure, I would meet my brother for lunch by the bronze globe in the World Trade Plaza when he worked a few blocks away and we would glance up and talk about how cool it was that we lived in such an amazing place. 


Sure, I was freaked out when I woke up Wednesday, September 12th, and walked out to get the paper in the cool dawn, stepping on the concrete driveway in the slowly warming quiet. I looked up and there were no planes in that clear, sill dark star freckled sky. It was eerie, it was like a bad horror movie from the 50s. It wasn't entirely real, even as it was all TOO real, and it was bad for all of us, whether we had been to New York or not. I can't even imagine how bad it was for those that lost someone in those towers, in The Pentagon, or in that field in Pennsylvania. My heart goes out to them. My heart also bleeds for those that in the military that died in the wars that followed, not out of some bandwagon jumping SUPPORT OUR TROOPS bullshit, but because it is all so completely and utterly STUPID, and religion and jingoism and the military-industrial greed machine are at the heart of it. It needs to end, and I wish we were a little more advanced so that we could see it, at least in my lifetime. 

TGIF With Your Tutorial On How To Dress Punk-Ish!

Where does World of Wonder come up with this stuff?

Jimmy Kimmel's Tribute To His Uncle Frank

So sweet. So sad. So hard to lose someone that you love so much.

Therapy With Kennedy

She can pretend Daddy is still alive and that all those clay people are Mommy Stretch, and Mommy's many personalities. Bulimic Mommy, Drunk Mommy, Oklahoma-On-Your-Ass Mommy, Grifter Mommy. Why, the list goes on and on!