Kitty Porn

Maru wants you. He wants to sink his paws into your rug and violate your box. 


What? He does! I saw him jumping out of one from UPS just last week.

9/11, Ten Years Later

When I was little, my parent's friends' big social/political question was, 'what were you doing when JFK was shot?' I got a bit older and it became, 'Did you know anyone who was there for the Kent State shootings?' Today the big topic is, 'What were you doing when the towers fell?' 


. I was at home in Medina, Ohio getting ready for work when they were hit. I would turn The Today Show on at 8 a.m. as I ran around the condo, showering, grabbing sips of coffee and getting ready to drive up to Brunswick and my job as the bar manager at Johnny's, a nice family-style restaurant that catered to the more careerist residents of the town, as opposed to the farmer hilljack assholes that seemed to produce 75% of the offspring up there. Your average people populated the place, cops, teachers, computer programmers and alkie real estate agents. The cream of the Brunswick crop.


As soon as I saw the footage of the first plane hit the North tower, I called my brother who is an architect. He said that the structure would survive as long as none of the support beams were hit, clearly harking back to the first bombing attack which happened in the 90s when I was still living in New York. That was when terrorists placed a bomb in the parking garage but miscalculated on where to put it. Thank God for stupid terrorists! Too bad they weren't as bad the second time around.


Then the second tower was hit as I watched live on TV. I called my Dad. First words out of his mouth were, 'terrorists.' I was aghast. Terrorists weren't on my radar then. It had been almost a decade since the first attack, clearly we had learned something from that. Why would anyone do this? We Americans were happy then. We were flush. Life was good. War was the last thing on anyone's mind. This was the beginning of the end of that blind happiness. This was the beginning of a lot of scary shit. Things I thought I would never see, because we all move forward and do better than our ancestors, right? Did I really believe this? That younger generations improve upon the past? Such is the short sighted stupidity of the young.   


Odd off-topic fact. My father died on 9/11 three years later. That was a weird day too. Story for another time.


At work, I was readying the restaurant for the 11 a.m. opening, rushing around, cell phone attached to my ear, trying to contact my friends in New York. Zero luck, total freak out. In my mind, there was a reason I couldn't reach them, and it was a bad one. I didn't know that everyone across the country was having problems, not until I got home at 6.


Later, after I found out that my friends were safe, I found out that one went through a particularly harrowing experience at Ground Zero. He was working in a building right off The World Trade Center's plaza. He and his co-workers were told not to evacuate, it was too dangerous with all the debris, fuselage and human. After dealing with the agonizing sight and sound of those that jumped to their deaths, he and his co-workers got the hell out of there. The towers fell shortly thereafter. He arrived home covered in dust. I cannot even imagine the nightmares he must have. It makes me tear up to this day.


I can't claim much trauma beyond what any American felt that day. Sure, I lived in New York for almost a decade. Sure, I would meet my brother for lunch by the bronze globe in the World Trade Plaza when he worked a few blocks away and we would glance up and talk about how cool it was that we lived in such an amazing place. 


Sure, I was freaked out when I woke up Wednesday, September 12th, and walked out to get the paper in the cool dawn, stepping on the concrete driveway in the slowly warming quiet. I looked up and there were no planes in that clear, sill dark star freckled sky. It was eerie, it was like a bad horror movie from the 50s. It wasn't entirely real, even as it was all TOO real, and it was bad for all of us, whether we had been to New York or not. I can't even imagine how bad it was for those that lost someone in those towers, in The Pentagon, or in that field in Pennsylvania. My heart goes out to them. My heart also bleeds for those that in the military that died in the wars that followed, not out of some bandwagon jumping SUPPORT OUR TROOPS bullshit, but because it is all so completely and utterly STUPID, and religion and jingoism and the military-industrial greed machine are at the heart of it. It needs to end, and I wish we were a little more advanced so that we could see it, at least in my lifetime. 

TGIF With Your Tutorial On How To Dress Punk-Ish!

Where does World of Wonder come up with this stuff?

Jimmy Kimmel's Tribute To His Uncle Frank

So sweet. So sad. So hard to lose someone that you love so much.

Therapy With Kennedy

She can pretend Daddy is still alive and that all those clay people are Mommy Stretch, and Mommy's many personalities. Bulimic Mommy, Drunk Mommy, Oklahoma-On-Your-Ass Mommy, Grifter Mommy. Why, the list goes on and on!

Even In the 50s, We Dog Lovers Were Insane

Insane with cuteness!

What If You Were Famous?

Sometimes (okay, MOST of the time) I look at these tabloid covers and I wonder how much is bullshit and how much is based on factual information. I'm going to guess that their stories are 15% factual, even when the crap comes straight from the publicist's mouth.

Anyway, it's been slow around here, I'm about to turn another year older this weekend and I thought we'd have some fun, get the blog back up and running, by asking you what YOUR tabloid headline would be. What perfectly innocent thing goes on in your life that people would point fingers at and discuss in hushed voices when you're around? 

I'll start. I am very good friends with my husband's ex-wife. Some people think this is odd and even have the balls to tell me so, including my own mother. If I were famous, the headline would probably be, Keeping Her Friends Close and Her Enemies Closer, or since this friend is also remarried, Lesbian Love Affair? Who Will Tell Mr. McSlore He Is A Beard? 

We're going for a walk today, so if that Sandra/Ryan headline is any indication, Secret Lesbian Tryst In The Mists Of Euclid Creek, FINALLY EXPOSED, as we innocently hug and say goodbye. 

See how fucked up this is? Your turn.

Beavis And Butthead Watch Jersey Shore

Why not? There's nothing else going on, hence all the video posts. Well, there's the economy, corporate rape, Lybian and Syrian unrest, the arrest of Joe Francis (YAY), waiting and waiting for Chris March's show, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, aka The Real Housewives of  New Jersey,....

My New Favorite Crackhead Video

Thanks to World of Wonder.

Progress At Ground Zero

The tenth anniversary is less than a month away and here is a video showing you how much has been built since the area was cleared. Slow progress, to be sure, what with all the politics involved and the fear of enraging or disappointing the families of those who died. 


Some of my friends fear that anything that is built will be a target. Others believe that the design is flawed and should have been smaller. I just wish they would get it done. I still remember everything about that day. It was the beginning of quite a negative time in my life and I can still see the blue sky on September 12th, eerily devoid of planes. I don't like using a vacuum as a metaphor, but this is one that needs filling, STILL.

Ricki Gervais Has A New Show

I love little people too, and I would love to dress them up in little costumes! No takers yet. They all run screaming when they see the Milania costume. Bummer.

Anderson Cooper's Gigglefest

SO infectious, that giggle. He's like a 13 year old girl getting tickle bombed at Summer Camp.

On A Positive Note...

Baby Queen fan, LOVE!

Russell Armstrong, Why?

Yesterday, I asked what to do with Ashley Holmes. Today, I am asking the same question about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Stretch Armstrong. When someone kills themselves like Russell did, should the show go on? I remember almost exactly 2 years ago, I was recapping Megan Wants A Millionaire when one of the contestants killed his wife and then offed himself when the manhunt got to close to him in Canada. Should Bravo do what VH1 did and cancel the show? Should they cut most of Stretch's scenes down? I don't know how they could, she's always at the center of drama. What do you guys think? 

Oh, and a very heartfelt and huge amount of sympathy goes out to that little girl with the unfortunate name, Kennedy. that poor child always seemed happiest with her Dad. How unimaginably awful that she will grow up with the knowledge that her Father would rather die than face the mess of his life, and that her mother would drive him to it by airing every last bit of his dirty laundry in an effort to exonerate herself. Stretch is an AWFUL person. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

What To Do With A Problem Like Trashley?

Mr. McSlore is off at some work seminar training thingymawhatever, so I actually watched The Real Knuckleheads of New Jersey on the day it aired for a change. I never watch it when he's around. NEVER. My husband has a very low threshold for nose jobs and sequins. Go figure.

The Laurita-Holmses held a life coach intervention of sorts for the most ineffectual daughter ever, Trashley. Nothing got resolved, the loser child has no plans other than some vague desire to move to L.A. so she can learn how to apply her own make-up just in case she gets a job modeling empty barrels or burlap flour sacks IF she's lucky in this economy. The girl is just dying for Natural Selection to take her out. Can you imagine how she would make out if Mom and unloved love-buying Step-Daddy Chris put her ass out of their mansion? Where would she sleep, Miss Andy's couch?

Cut the purse strings for good, Jackie. Make like a real parent and JUST DO IT. At this rate you'll be 90 and shelling out for her Depends.

What would YOU do if you were the parent to such a nightmare child? It can't be any worse than what Jackie is doing, Lord knows!