Mariah, Mariah, Mariah

Rich from FourFour is a saint. He watched all these HSN appearances and then made this powerfully redundant clip. It is unreal. What do you think it's like to be her? She's basically the female human version of Jabba the Hut. She lays around, gets carried and hoisted onto stages, has someone at the ready with an atomizer in case she farts, and has an infant's love of all things sparkly and cute. She must be surrounded with sycophants 24/7. How else do you explain that drugstore designed perfume bottle? It makes L'Air du Temps look like something that fell out of Marie Antoinette's ass.

Worst Break-Up

I am taking Sheesh's advice and starting a new thread for you crazies and all your insane exploits. I had no idea that the readers of this blog were a bunch of alcoholic outlaws. I thought that I was the only one! (((group hug)))


So, share your break-up and 'men are horrible' stories, and no, this is not a contest. I can't be giving away ALL my toiletries. Stanky ass janksters don't get the good joorey, as we all know.


As usual, I will start. This was a long time ago when I was a barely legal Twunt. 
I was 18 and dating a guy we'll call Asshole. He was from a fraternity that was loaded with future firemen and outdoors-y guys with inscrutable majors. It was fun, he was cute, but nothing serious. 

That's Okay. That Just Leaves Plenty For The Rest of Us

What the??????

Caption the Housewife: Name The Baby Edition

Kim Zolziak is with child, as we all know. I weep for the Atlanta school system, and God help Kandi Burress if the wee bugger feels like taking up singing. There's not a whole lot that we can do about that, but let's be pro-active anyway. Name the baby that she's carrying by football player Kroy Biermann. 


I'm thinking Doral for a boy, or Mentholia if it's a girl.

Patty Cake Pussies

For all you goofy pet owners that pretend your animals can talk. 


not like I do that. ever. that you know of.

Thanks, Tobes!

Musical Dichotomy

I have a diverse taste in music. You do too, I'm sure. We all do, as we should. For instance, I love everything by Orb, and everything by Thievery Corporation. They played at Bonnaroo last year, and I was surrounded by a thousand tripping children of children of hippies. Beautiful.

And I like ugly metal. Killing Joke, everything Mr. McSlore plays, Slayer, on and on, and Strapping Young lad.

And I like the really melodic Russian composers. I DIE for this, don't ask why.

Puppy Flashback

This is from last winter when my voice was all messed up from the flu and me and Mr. McSlore decided to do some dog mushing down the street. It was super snowy, I may have had a glass of wine or two in me and the dogs mushed me into a snowdrift. Expect another one in a month or two. Yay, puppies!

LMLMB's First Queasy Freebie

You know how much I love Cameel. She's just an inspiration to gals the world over who aspire to work a stripper pole without sliding back down it due to those unexpected squirts. SO, this is my first ever contest, and the prize will be.......ImodiumAD and some gibrone hair remover that I have lying around the house. You don't want to worry about any pesky dingles when you've got the runs, now do you? Okay, so the contest. I had to choose this topic. My Jersey friend That Must Remain Nameless suggested it, and you just don't say no to her.


It's simple. What's the coolest thing you've ever done? And you know damn well I will be sweetening the deal with more than the crap described above. Anything for my Twunderers. And just ignore those nursing pads. It was ages ago, and I changed my mind. The guy that knocked me up wasn't cute enough. Who wants an ugly baby?


Oopsy. Almost forgot. The deadline is 10p.m. EST on Thurday. Get 'em in before the next RhoBH.

Kenny Scharf's Mural Captured by Billy Beyond

It pays to be in the right place at the right time.

Grog Shop Graffiti

The Grog Shop is a local Cleveland venue for bands and comedians. I've seen everyone from Prong to Doug Stanhope in their dark rooms, and only rarely been disappointed. This past Summer Mr. McSlore played there and we hung out in the dressing room with all of its' fun band graffiti. I'd be surprised if some of this wasn't created by girlfriends of the band. Do you know how boring it can be to be a girlfriend of a guy in a band? No? Well, it's all worth it in my case.

Natural One

Remember the mid 90s? The movie 'Kids?' Remember Sebadoh? Remember Folk Implosion? Oh, I loved me some Lou Barlow. Still do.

Pictures From The New Space Station Cupola

I don't talk about it too much since there is so much housewife crap to discuss lately, but I have a profound love of space. Astronomy and the beauty often found in the outer reaches of our galaxy takes my breath away, as well as our humble planet seen here from about 217 miles out. That's from here in Cleveland to Cincinnatti, or New York to DC. The space station installed a new cupola and here is astronaut photographer Jeffrey Williams with his insane camera.

Here's an Aurora Australis,

And here is my beloved Italy-

The first places I visited in Europe were in Italy. Genoa, Naples and Ravello, on the Amalfi coastline. I fell in love immediately and never wanted to leave. There is something to be said about visiting the lands of your ancestors. It touches you in ways that can sometimes change you permanently, even if your taxi gets chased by horny Neopolitan teenagers all the way from San Giorgio a Cramano to Pompei.

Here's the link, to the pictures, not horny teenagers-

http://www.esa.int/esaHS/SEMG2856JGG_index_mg_1_s.html

Sonja Morgan's Bankruptcy

Well, isn't this depressing. A week ago Gawker reported that silly sunny Sonja had to file bankruptcy, claiming 19 million in debt against 13 million in assets. The reason for this is not a Giudice spending spree with no intention of paying what she knew she didn't have, this one is due to a film deal gone bad when the big star, John Travolta, pulled out. If only it was to take place in a bath house, none of this would have happened. 

So, my question is, do you think that she is simply protecting her remaining assets from being seized because of the court's $7 million judgement against her? Or is she another devil may care chick who didn't surround herself with the right financial advisors after her divorce? She always seemed a trifle flighty to me, not in a calculated con artist manner, not like the Forehead-less wonder. More like someone who shouldn't have tried to produce a movie without doing her homework. Actually, it's probably both. 

She needs to put her thinking cap on, slide into those fuck-me heels and get back on the prowl again, this time for a fat cat and not a Eurotrash rent boy. Perhaps she could be a restaurant hostess in Dubai? Or she can downsize, like LuLu had to.Whatever she does, we'll be watching and judging. I'm just sad that it's one of my favorites instead of old Poopy Pants. sigh

Nicholas Cage Feels Your Pain

The holiday season is upon us. For some of you that means dealing with Gawd-awful relatives and in-laws, so I give you Nicholas Cage letting all the pain out. Let him take your suffering and release it in catharsis. 


Or you can go ahead and beat the living crap out of your sister-in-law. Take your pick.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: The Turd Cage

I hate to admit to understanding why anyone would cheat on their spouse since I know it is such a touchy subject for most people, but I simply must make an exception. Let's look at some of the facts- Kelsey's a thespian who has made a living playing brilliant characters. Characters so smart that they use ten dollar words like they came out of the womb reading Shakespeare. Cameel can't even use 'pernicious' properly! Oh, and then there's the tiny little fact that she's using her own husband's status as a weapon against other people. Now, THAT'S pernicious behaviour.

Let the evisceration begin, and if she can spell that, I'll watch every episode of Millionaire matchmaker back to back(Hey, Patti, call her! she's single!).

Please tell me she can't spell that.