How Do I Say This Delicately

PMS SUCKS.

Add to that the fact that every muscle in my waistline hurts because I tried to demolish several golf balls yesterday. I need to do yoga again. 
Big dummy.
The good news? The dogs slept through the night. The bad news? I still woke up with a uterus.


And how do I get this gif to work? Joe? Anyone? pfft. 

A Bulldog and A Baby Pool

I miss Summer already.

In WTF? Candy News

Mr. McSlore found these at the grocery store. Further proof that kids are gross.

SsssNot anything I will ever eat!

Parkour Puppy

Parkour, or free running, is a kind of street gymnastics. It's Ninja artistry in an urban landscape without the black clothing. This will give you some idea of what they do-

Well, guess what! Anything people can do, puppies can do better, HA.

Muslin and Shark Jaws

I said I'd post some pictures occasionally from the old modeling days, and here we are. I worked with Joyce Tenneson A LOT. We did Matsuda together, Brides, the pirelli calendar, a million different cream or body lotion ads with no face, Shiseido, TIME magazine and Absolut, just to name a few. The most recent was an industry ad for filler back in 2003. She still teaches photography workshops out in the desert and she is a truly gifted artist.


more after the jump, watch out for the boobies.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Ritzy Ditzes and the Clowns That Fund Them

Welcome back to yet another edition of fakery and fuckery. How many franchises are there now, 6? Some busted, some played out, and then there's this one. It is on a whole other level. Don't believe me? Let's take a look at the bitches after the jump.

Who's Walking Who?

Everyone on the planet has a caption contest. Why shouldn't we have one too? So, have at Gretchen and Slimy, and please use bad words and inappropriate scenarios. Anything clean will be overlooked by management.

Today's FYI

I CANNOT stress the importance of good grooming enough.

All The Advice You Never Needed and Didn't Ask For

Seriously. DYING here. Unbelievably funny, and true, too! NSFW or life, for that matter.

Stolen from Bunny's Blog

Baby Bethenny

Some housewives stuff to look at until I get this infernal recap done-
Click on the link to see some photos from Bethenny's childhood, long before Scary Island and Jill's seek and destroy mission. She's cute, but which guy's her dad? Can anyone guess?
http://www.radaronline.com/photos/image/94213/2010/10/photos-bethenny-frankel-childhood-photos
Here's Jill, being an asshole and selling posts on her Facebook. Thanks, Terese.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cruising-with-Jill-Bobby-Zarin/154272537943074

Oh, and friend me there. You know my name.

FYI

It's the weekend. Make him proud.

OH MY GOD

I blew my wad!
Did you watch? Were you completely and utterly mesmerized? My TV has been waiting for this for months now and it was not disappointed. The sheer wealth of Beverly Hills is going to have everyone on every other franchise frantically scrambling to keep up! And those shimmery intros, I think I died and woke up on Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter etc.'s chaise lounge. And Jean Harlow is bartending while gay houseboys rub my shoulders and George Hamilton throws diamonds at my crotch. 
Did I say how much I like it? Just checking.


recap to follow. I just had to get that out of my system. whew!

Socialite Sociopaths

I finally went to Hulu at 3 a.m. and watched the finale of The Real Housewives of DC. Wow. I thought that New Jersey was treading into dark and nasty territory but this one takes the cake! It didn't help at all that it was filmed during some of the blackest, shortest days of the year and they threw up black screens with a dated timeline like it was a freaking episode of Law & Order. All that was missing was that weird metal door slam sound effect.

On this day a demon finally got his wings.

For The Girl Who Has Everything

Christmas is coming, sooner than you think, and you know I love my joorey!
Anyhoo, after a long weekend in Chicago, full of emotion and foodie heaven, I am back. I will be posting an Atlanta recap later today but it will be shorter than last week because I have to save up some snark for the Beverly Hills bitches. Besides, Atlanta is getting pretty predictable- confrontations, phony homes, break-down of marriages and terrible parenting. It's like the Truman Show of Divorcees at this point. By the way, did Sheree ever get that 7 figure settlement that she said was her due? Probably not. As for NeNe and Greg and their marital woes, she'll be lucky to get 7 cents and a drawing of a stick figure from young Bryson. Oh well, she's got a new nose!


Image from WOW Report. They find the greatest stuff over there.

Boo!

Last year we gave away 12 pounds of candy. The year before that, we bought bags and bags of fruit roll-ups to pass out. All our friends warned us that if we didn't give out something more candy-ish we were going to get egged. Well, guess what? All they wanted were the fruit roll-ups! They wouldn't even touch the Snickers or the Butterfingers.
Now I can't even find them anywhere. Bummer. I guess the kids will just have to make due with all that leftover Krackel.