Rip Torn Got Another DUI

Sometimes you crave weird things when you're drunk. For the 30 Rock actor, it was a Christmas tree. On December 14th he got into his Subaru, headed down to the nearest tree lot in his Connecticut neighborhood, probably haggled over the price a bit, picked one out and had it strapped to the roof of the car. His downfall was driving home in the breakdown lane. Cops pulled him over and he couldn't pass the field sobriety test. (he's 77. how many people that age can toe-heel walk? Cloris Leachman maybe, but she works out.)

Anyway, no one was hurt, except for the tree.

Fatty!!!!

The ever-so-quotable Ricky Gervais is at it again, this time it's a case of no sympathy for the chubby. He thinks that gastric surgery is ridiculous when you could just go for a jog, and he wants people to call him "fatty" when they see him on the street to shame him into losing weight. This is my favorite part, though;

"in supermarkets, the really fattening stuff should be behind a really thin door. Shops should be full of salads, but if you want to get to the pies and cakes, you've got to crawl through a little tube."

New Mini-Me Sex Scandal!

He finally found a bitch his own size.

That's Senator Al Franken to You

The canvassing board in Minnesota has finally tallied the votes and the winner is...Al Franken! By 225 votes! Thank you God, and please let him bring his brand of humor to the senate floor where it is so desperately needed. I cannot wait for his first Daily Show appearance after this. How much you want to bet that Jon Stewart calls him Senator Smalley?

Ohio State Loses Yet Another Bowl Game

I know that I'm exaggerating a little bit but I'm beginning to know what it feels like to be a Bills fan. Since barely winning the National Championship in 2003, the Buckeyes have consistently fallen on their faces in every bowl game they've played since. You almost don't want to watch because you can feel the anguish coming and all the beer in the world isn't enough to make you say, "We'll get 'em next year."

The score was 24-21 Texas.

James Harrison is the NFL's Defensive Player of the Year

It had to happen. It had to be someone from the number one defense, right? Sorry, Troy. I still love you but James had 16 sacks. That's takes a lot of balls.

Badump-ump.

Plus, he's from my home town of Akron and went to my Alma Mater, Kent State. And if I don't say nice things about him he will probably kill me.

Hypocricy is HILARIOUS

It's great! The job of mocking conservative pundits does itself!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Sarah Palin Gender Card

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Must...Have...Thread

Okay boys and girls, I got a fabulous sewing machine from my fabulous boyfriend for Christmas. It is the best gift in the world if you don't count my pink Palomalu Steelers jersey. The only problem is that I have very little thread. Does anyone have a clue where I can get a bunch of it for a reasonable price? Any ailing grandmas out there who don't sew anymore because they can't see well enough to thread the needle? Wanna make a quick buck? Go visit Granny McAlzheimers and grab that sewing basket when she's not looking or she's trying to remember who the hell you are. And get the bobbins too while you're at it. Later, if she notices, just tell her that some aunt or cousin you hate took it. If you feel guilty, simply use some of the money to buy granny some of those red and white peppermint candies. Old ladies love those.

Thanks

Let's Play 'Tape the Kitty!'

This one is for Tobie, my new follower, yay! Remember when we taped Lucy's paws? That was freaking hilarious.
R.I.P. Lucy, you big fatty.

Steelers Xmas Card

Word.

Wacky Packs are Back

I was reading my buddy Billy's blog (say that fast ten times) and came across his post about a new book that has come out. It's all about those goofy stickers we used to collect like trading cards back in the seventies. The artwork and humor were strictly Mad magazine style and I had a notebook covered with them. For some reason I kept getting the same cigarette one over and over and no one would trade me for something else. Little bastards.

Buy the book here!

http://www.toppsonlinestore.com/servlet/the-222/Wacky-Packages-Book/Detail

Posh Finally Smiles

Must be because of all that arab money she's about to get for just showing up somewhere in Dubai, looking fabulous of course.

And yes, I am a fan of the fembot, when done properly. And Posh is the best at it. Plus, she is married to Minnie Mouse voiced David Beckham. Is there anything anyone can do about that? It's sad. You look at the guy and he is so cute and then he opens his mouth to speak and phhhhttttttttt.....instant panty buzz-kill.

Anyway, take a good look at the picture above because she probably wont have another go at smiling until Halley's Comet swings around again.

Sidney Crosby is Frustrated

You would be too if your team had key injuries and a line that keeps changing and you can't win to save your life despite having the top two players in the league in individual points. You do the only thing you can. You beat the crap out of somebody.

Now I've Got the Munchies

Thanks, Steven Dorff.

Here is the Blade star enjoying a toke in St. Barts yesterday. Must be rough.

Sam Shepard Arrested for DUI

TMZ is reporting that the playwrite/actor was pulled over for speeding in Normal, Illinois and blew a 0.175. That's a lot of whiskey, folks. And boy, does it show. At least we know that he is not a plastic surgery junkie. That is all-natural beauty right there. No doubt about it.

Okay, I'll give the guy a break. He is 65 after all.